Creative Writing Competition Voting Round II

~~James~~ · 04-14-2012, 11:37 AM

Vote for your favourite and guess the authors for a little bit of fun!

Excerpts
Excerpts - Pastebin.com

Hardyston Point
Hardyston point - Pastebin.com

Home
Home - Pastebin.com

what my neighbour thinks of me, I'm sure
what my neighbor thinks of me, I'm sure - Pastebin.com

The Landscape of Thought
The Landscape of Thought - Pastebin.com

The Lonely Dreamer
The Lonely Dreamer - Pastebin.com

Neighbours
Neighbours - Pastebin.com

Handsomely Trimmed
Handsomely Trimmed - Pastebin.com

Participants
Janszoon - Home
James - Neighbours
Tumor - what my neighbour thinks of me, I'm sure
iluvwubs - The Lonely Dreamer
Howard the Duck - Excerpts
Frownland - The Landscape of Thought
UnchainedBallad - Handsomely Trimmed
Exoskeletal - Hardyston Point

~~James~~ · 04-14-2012, 02:03 PM

My opinions on some of them, I also replied with opinions in some of the initial PMs.

Excerpts - Quality sci fi i suppose. When this thing is all put together it has the potential to be very good. Not my genre of choice so I can't say much more. I like the way it was put together from ads and essays instead of a straightforward narrative, that was original.

Home - This was great. The twist was very unexpected and it was a very sad story. Things like Dementia and Alzheimer's make me very emotional. It gives a very sad reality about getting older that you think the guy is young and with his whole life ahead of him and then you discover that to be untrue.

Handsomely Trimmed - Very funny and very good writing. The ridiculous subject matter contrasts so well with the posh, fancy writing.

The Landscape of Thought - This started off well. Some amazing concepts, and the themes of sanity and the mind were very well explored. But it didn't hold my attention as much as the others. I'm more of a fan of character driven, human stories so I think that was my fault. Well written too.

I still haven't decided on my vote yet. Either "Home" or "Handsomely Trimmed".

The Fascinating Turnip · 04-14-2012, 02:12 PM

Right, so I've read them all.

Excerpts was an interesting read, albeit rather puzzling. I didn't particularly like it, but maybe it's because it's a bit out of context. It sounds like a vaguely promising dystopian novel, however. The writing was fairly good as well, in spite of being a bit excessively wordy here and there.

Hardyston Point was written well enough. It flowed well and it held my attention, but I felt it was a bit too predictable. I get the feeling that you could probably write something better than this, whoever you are.

Home was a great read. I was curious regarding the usage of things like "I seen" and "we was" early on, but because it can really swing both ways, I went with the idea of the character being rather young. It seems rather uninspiring until the police officer arrives and you're revealed the major twist. I thought it was incredibly clever and it just seemed like all of my doubts and curiosities fell into place after reading it.

what my neighbour thinks of me, I'm sure was a very disturbing read. It sounded particularly honest, which is something I value quite a bit, but I thought it was a bit excessive and I didn't enjoy it at all. However, I did find that despite the harshness of the words and it being mostly just a flurry of insults, it wasn't poorly written.

I'll pick this up later.

~~James~~ · 04-15-2012, 04:36 AM

It would be better if you guys left some feedback or something, give reasons for your choice and stuff

WWWP · 04-15-2012, 04:39 AM

Will do. When I have more time.

**Janszoon** · 04-15-2012, 07:27 AM

Some thoughts on a few of them...

"Hardyston Point" gets my vote. I'm kind of a sucker for classic short horror so this one really appealed to me. I thought it was pretty creepy and had some great little details. I'd love to see the concept expand upon a bit though. I'm fine with the situation remaining somewhat mysterious, but I'd love just a little bit more explanation of the events. I'm thinking maybe Exoskeletal wrote this one since it's so cinematic.

"Neighbours" was good as well. I thought the characters were well developed and the writing was strong. I would, however, have liked to see more of the details revealed through the interactions of the characters instead of through straight description of the people by the narrator. I'm guessing this was James.

"Handsomely Trimmed" was a clever concept with very well written dialogue. It didn't particularly click with me, but British manners comedy rarely does, so that's my fault, not the author's. I still thought it was well executed and very polished. I'm guessing the author was UnchainedBallad.

"Excerpts", being what it is, doesn't really hang together in any coherent way, but I thought the writing was great, probably the best of the bunch. I just wish the author had turned it into an actual story of some kind. I'm 100% sure this was from Howard the Duck.

"what my neighbor thinks of me, I'm sure" certainly has the potential to be an interesting character study, but like "Excerpts", it seems like just a fragment of an idea. I would love to see it fleshed out into an actual story from the perspective of this unbelievably nasty character. I'm guessing Tumor wrote this one.

~~James~~ · 04-15-2012, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janszoon

Some thoughts on a few of them...

"Hardyston Point" gets my vote. I'm kind of a sucker for classic short horror so this one really appealed to me. I thought it was pretty creepy and had some great little details. I'd love to see the concept expand upon a bit though. I'm fine with the situation remaining somewhat mysterious, but I'd love just a little bit more explanation of the events. I'm thinking maybe Exoskeletal wrote this one since it's so cinematic.

"Neighbours" was good as well. I thought the characters were well developed and the writing was strong. I would, however, have liked to see more of the details revealed through the interactions of the characters instead of through straight description of the people by the narrator. I'm guessing this was James.

"Handsomely Trimmed" was a clever concept with very well written dialogue. It didn't particularly click with me, but British manners comedy rarely does, so that's my fault, not the author's. I still thought it was well executed and very polished. I'm guessing the author was UnchainedBallad.

"Excerpts", being what it is, doesn't really hang together in any coherent way, but I thought the writing was great, probably the best of the bunch. I just wish the author had turned it into an actual story of some kind. I'm 100% sure this was from Howard the Duck.

"what my neighbor thinks of me, I'm sure" certainly has the potential to be an interesting character study, but like "Excerpts", it seems like just a fragment of an idea. I would love to see it fleshed out into an actual story from the perspective of this unbelievably nasty character. I'm guessing Tumor wrote this one.

Thanks for the feedback

and all your guesses are correct....

**Frownland** · 04-15-2012, 12:18 PM

Home gets my vote. Out of all of the submissions, it really captivated me the most and had me until the end. Hardyston Point was good as well, but the main character seemed to be a little too naive for the situation that he was in, but other than that, it was a well written piece.

The Lonely Thinker almost got my vote, it was a handsome poem that had a lot of beautiful moments that ended somewhat chillingly. But Home edged it out by a tad bit.

The rest were very good, but none of them held my interest so steadily as the ones mentioned.

~~James~~ · 04-16-2012, 04:07 PM

*cough*
Don't let this die, it'll only take twenty minutes to give these a read.

**Exo** · 04-16-2012, 04:22 PM

I really liked Home. I've been busy at work so it's the only one I've read so far but I'm going give my opinion on all of them. The length and twist at the end of Home was great and it actually gave me a bit of an emotional response. Great job.

04-14-2012, 11:37 AM	#1 (permalink)
~~James~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Scotland Posts: 4,483	Creative Writing Competition Voting Round II Vote for your favourite and guess the authors for a little bit of fun! Excerpts Excerpts - Pastebin.com Hardyston Point Hardyston point - Pastebin.com Home Home - Pastebin.com what my neighbour thinks of me, I'm sure what my neighbor thinks of me, I'm sure - Pastebin.com The Landscape of Thought The Landscape of Thought - Pastebin.com The Lonely Dreamer The Lonely Dreamer - Pastebin.com Neighbours Neighbours - Pastebin.com Handsomely Trimmed Handsomely Trimmed - Pastebin.com Participants Janszoon - Home James - Neighbours Tumor - what my neighbour thinks of me, I'm sure iluvwubs - The Lonely Dreamer Howard the Duck - Excerpts Frownland - The Landscape of Thought UnchainedBallad - Handsomely Trimmed Exoskeletal - Hardyston Point Last edited by James; 04-21-2012 at 08:20 AM.

04-15-2012, 07:27 AM	#6 (permalink)
Janszoon Mate, Spawn & Die Join Date: May 2007 Location: The Rapping Community Posts: 24,593	Some thoughts on a few of them... "Hardyston Point" gets my vote. I'm kind of a sucker for classic short horror so this one really appealed to me. I thought it was pretty creepy and had some great little details. I'd love to see the concept expand upon a bit though. I'm fine with the situation remaining somewhat mysterious, but I'd love just a little bit more explanation of the events. I'm thinking maybe Exoskeletal wrote this one since it's so cinematic. "Neighbours" was good as well. I thought the characters were well developed and the writing was strong. I would, however, have liked to see more of the details revealed through the interactions of the characters instead of through straight description of the people by the narrator. I'm guessing this was James. "Handsomely Trimmed" was a clever concept with very well written dialogue. It didn't particularly click with me, but British manners comedy rarely does, so that's my fault, not the author's. I still thought it was well executed and very polished. I'm guessing the author was UnchainedBallad. "Excerpts", being what it is, doesn't really hang together in any coherent way, but I thought the writing was great, probably the best of the bunch. I just wish the author had turned it into an actual story of some kind. I'm 100% sure this was from Howard the Duck. "what my neighbor thinks of me, I'm sure" certainly has the potential to be an interesting character study, but like "Excerpts", it seems like just a fragment of an idea. I would love to see it fleshed out into an actual story from the perspective of this unbelievably nasty character. I'm guessing Tumor wrote this one. __________________ A Night in the Life of the Invisible Man Time & Place 25 Albums You Should Hear Before the Moon Crashes into the Earth and We All Die last.fm

04-15-2012, 12:18 PM	#8 (permalink)
Frownland SOPHIE FOREVER Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: East of the Southern North American West Posts: 35,541	Home gets my vote. Out of all of the submissions, it really captivated me the most and had me until the end. Hardyston Point was good as well, but the main character seemed to be a little too naive for the situation that he was in, but other than that, it was a well written piece. The Lonely Thinker almost got my vote, it was a handsome poem that had a lot of beautiful moments that ended somewhat chillingly. But Home edged it out by a tad bit. The rest were very good, but none of them held my interest so steadily as the ones mentioned. __________________ Studies show that when a given norm is changed in the face of the unchanging, the remaining contradictions will parallel the truth. d e a f b o x

04-16-2012, 04:22 PM	#10 (permalink)
Exo All day jazz and biscuits Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: NJ Posts: 7,354	I really liked Home. I've been busy at work so it's the only one I've read so far but I'm going give my opinion on all of them. The length and twist at the end of Home was great and it actually gave me a bit of an emotional response. Great job. __________________ LastFM SUPREME POO BAH MODERATOR EXTRAORDINAIRE

View Poll Results: Which story did you like best?
Excerpts	0	0%
Hardyston Point	1	12.50%
The Lonely Dreamer	0	0%
Handsomely Trimmed	2	25.00%
Neighbours	1	12.50%
Home	3	37.50%
The Landscape of Thought	1	12.50%
what my neighbor thinks of me, I'm sure	0	0%
Voters: 8. You may not vote on this poll

04-14-2012, 02:03 PM	#2 (permalink)
~~James~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Scotland Posts: 4,483	My opinions on some of them, I also replied with opinions in some of the initial PMs. Excerpts - Quality sci fi i suppose. When this thing is all put together it has the potential to be very good. Not my genre of choice so I can't say much more. I like the way it was put together from ads and essays instead of a straightforward narrative, that was original. Home - This was great. The twist was very unexpected and it was a very sad story. Things like Dementia and Alzheimer's make me very emotional. It gives a very sad reality about getting older that you think the guy is young and with his whole life ahead of him and then you discover that to be untrue. Handsomely Trimmed - Very funny and very good writing. The ridiculous subject matter contrasts so well with the posh, fancy writing. The Landscape of Thought - This started off well. Some amazing concepts, and the themes of sanity and the mind were very well explored. But it didn't hold my attention as much as the others. I'm more of a fan of character driven, human stories so I think that was my fault. Well written too. I still haven't decided on my vote yet. Either "Home" or "Handsomely Trimmed".

04-14-2012, 02:12 PM	#3 (permalink)
The Fascinating Turnip Moper Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 510	Right, so I've read them all. Excerpts was an interesting read, albeit rather puzzling. I didn't particularly like it, but maybe it's because it's a bit out of context. It sounds like a vaguely promising dystopian novel, however. The writing was fairly good as well, in spite of being a bit excessively wordy here and there. Hardyston Point was written well enough. It flowed well and it held my attention, but I felt it was a bit too predictable. I get the feeling that you could probably write something better than this, whoever you are. Home was a great read. I was curious regarding the usage of things like "I seen" and "we was" early on, but because it can really swing both ways, I went with the idea of the character being rather young. It seems rather uninspiring until the police officer arrives and you're revealed the major twist. I thought it was incredibly clever and it just seemed like all of my doubts and curiosities fell into place after reading it. what my neighbour thinks of me, I'm sure was a very disturbing read. It sounded particularly honest, which is something I value quite a bit, but I thought it was a bit excessive and I didn't enjoy it at all. However, I did find that despite the harshness of the words and it being mostly just a flurry of insults, it wasn't poorly written. I'll pick this up later.

04-15-2012, 04:36 AM	#4 (permalink)
~~James~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Scotland Posts: 4,483	It would be better if you guys left some feedback or something, give reasons for your choice and stuff

04-16-2012, 04:07 PM	#9 (permalink)
~~James~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Scotland Posts: 4,483	cough Don't let this die, it'll only take twenty minutes to give these a read.