Haha. No. But she was delicate like a flower. Sometimes I wonder if she was real, but I'm pretty confident she was.

You had to use the whole roll of toilet paper and a mop but by George you did it.

had a bad experience sunday


slept at a friend after a night on the town. decided to throw football sunday and i tried to force out a fart. weve all done it sooo many times that we just take our farts for granted. and the moment you get complacent and comfy is the moment things get wrecked for ya. forced it, and hershey squirts in my pants. had to change underwear, luckily had some there in a duffel bag. took a dump and his toilet is sooo small caus ehis place was built a long time ago. so i couldnt spread my cheeks much and when the poo came out it kinda slid along both of my ass cheeks and left a mess. it was a 2-flusher situation, lots of tp was needed

Who wants cake?!


http://www.tisu.com.gh/images.php?sr...pg&h=300&w=475

had a really good experience very recently. my poo was released to its true home right as i put in a chew, the timing was terrific. the first plop was smooth and was stale brownie in texture. what followed was some slithery brown trouts. i flushed and there wasnt much smell either, so all in all it was pretty good

So you're happy that your mouth looked the same as your ass?

i was at the borgata casino this past weekend and after scarfing down numerous energy drinks and then eating a steak dinner with scallops and a few brews i felt a potential natural disaster brewing inside of me. me and a few friends were on our way to the parking garage to grab some whiskey we left in the drunk when i first felt the rumblings of a whiskey, steak, Monster cocktail brewing just inside of my bunghole

my body needed a release but a fart was far too risky in this situation and i wasnt sure if i would spew some hershey squirts if i tried. i calmly and slowly walked to the elevators to ensure that no brown trout slipped its way into my boxers. once on the elevator i felt sharp pains in my lower abdomen area and since i have 0.0% body fat it felt extra painful. it felt like someone stabbin thru my rock hard chiseled abs. the elevator ride took forever as i went to the casino floor instead of my room. a risky move, for sure , as it was several floors further but despite the monster inside of me the glory of the first floor bathrooms was very tempting and i began salivating at its vision

i speed walked to the bathroom entrance breathing heavily, labored by the methane gasses of my intestines and the demands of 3 monster energy drinks to push their way thru my bowels. initially the stalls were occupied and a slight second of horror filled my body. i told my friends who needed to piss that an accident in my pants was imminent and i charged for the stall door as a a small asian man walked out. i knew this moment was crucial as i pulled down my pants, sure to know disrupt the slightly awoken beast inside my anus.

when my asscheeks felt the coldness of the toilet seat it was certainly relieving. i breathed a sigh of relief then focused on the next step of my journey. i tried to slowly allow for this beast to slide out of my ass as to not burn or irritate my bunghole but my strategy was no use for this behemoth of brown. i erupted and certainly alarmed those around me as i heard startled screams of horror int he surrounding stalls. sweat lined my brow and forehead but my hands were firmly pressed against the walls of the stall to make sure i kept myself grounded

a shotgun sound of a fart ensued and a river of free flowin brown trouts slithered there way to their rightful home in the toilet. i gasped in disbelief and almsot fainted as the stall now became a hot box of fart. women outside the bathroom no doubt hid their children for safety as i concerntrated on not breaking my butthole. the first stage was the monster energy drinks flowing freely out of me followed by 2 breakfast burritos. i thought i had finished and began pulling up my pants after making sure no fecal matter remains on my ass. when i stood up there was a new feeling of horror. this poo devil had one more trick up its sleave. a pocket of air had strealthily hidden in my bungholio and escaped just as the doors of hell were closing him in to seal his fate. i had experienced this before and thought maybe this **** devil had managed to spurt out a single strang of hershey squirt so i immediately sat back down for round 2

the second round was slow and grueling, much like ali vs foreman. i used the rope a dope strategy and just waited it out occasionally pressing my lower abdomen for support. another round of brown, making this officially a 2-flusher ensued. when it was over i looked to the heavens with a smirk on my face. i left the casino bathroom nodding at my audience at the urinals. the storm was over, i'd survived.

:rofl:

I just had the fight of my life. This turd felt like a sausage-shaped rock in my colon. The kind that's too wide to comfortably fit through your sphincter, while being too hard to squish through. I haven't had to struggle like that in years. At one point I was tensing so hard I got light-headed. My nose actually started tingling too. I didn't even know that was thing. And it came in installments too, so I couldn't just force the whole thing down in one giant push. I had to get one piece out, and then expend extra time and effort to get the next one to the batting cage. But when all was said and done I was victorious. I guess one benefit of this rock-hard poo was that it left no **** on my *******, so wiping was pretty easy, though it did leave a nasty glob of some kind of mucous. Yeah, that was pretty grody.

Welp.

I've lost my appetite. Why did I think visiting this thread would be a good idea at dinner time?

Yesterday I had a rock-like poop and it tore my anus. Blood all over the toliet paper.

:rofl:

I thought you'd like that one.

Nice article about poo

No need to thank me.

I literally just discovered this thread. The women to men ration here is appalling.

:rofl:

http://static.caloriecount.about.com...gie-184006.jpg

Equals red poo...

I just dropped my best log in years. You'd be hard pressed to wrap your hand around it and it was at least two-thirds of a foot long (20.32 centimeters) and perfectly straight. When I was pushing it out I had that satisfying feeling of stretching my butthole to its limit without any pain and when I finished, stood up, and turned around, I felt like a proud father.

That reminds me I need to try fisting myself this weekend.

Every time I get a Captain Crunch slurpy it turns my **** the same color as the slurpy.

There were whole raisins in my **** today. Are raisins indigestible and I just never noticed?

Eat grapes, shit raisins. My new motto.

Eat clay, shit bricks.

Eat a dick.



Nah, just eat a dick I don't care what becomes of it.

So I have a pretty bad urinary tract infection, no idea how I got it, the doctor has a million theories and is useless. He prescribed an antibiotic which I am supposed to take every three days for 2 and a half weeks and he warned me the usual side-effect is diarrhea. I was thinking yeah ok, maybe for some people but surely not me. Basically I've been pooping water for the past 3 days. I have about 2 more weeks of this.

Thought it was worth bumping this bitch for that. I suffer, MB suffers.

It is what it is.

:/

Pics.

UTIs are damn painful (it's urinary tract, just to be pedantic and make you feel worse than you already do) - Karen got a lot of them. You have my sympathy.

But please, no pics. :yikes:

Haha thanks, I actually knew that but sometimes my brain spasms while I type. It's getting worse with age.

Yeah apparently it's more common with women and is a bitch to get rid of but why someone would prescribe a medicine that basically makes water come out your anus and make you take it for 3 weeks is beyond me. There were other options. Oh well. That's the way the cookie crumbles.

Get a water purifier so you can drink your own ass water.

Must just be men. Or you. That never happened to Karen. Makes your pee stink yes but no hot to trot, not for her anyway, thank the Great Pixie. The crippling pain more than makes up for it though. There's nothing harder than seeing someone you love in pain and being unable to do anything about it.

Did I say harder? I meant funnier.
No. No I didn't.
Batty managed to gain control of my brain there for a moment - oh the guitar shredding! Does that go on all the time in your head? And the growling and screeching voices?
But what's with the sobbing child in the corner?
Ah. I see.
Anyway.... those things ain't no laughing matter.
UTIs can FTHO.

Fuck the hell out?

I think you have mixed up your orifices..yes..?...No..x


answer for yes is...?
or for No is...x
:stupid:
simply easy codes for you as you might be lying in it....I meant down....

off, but you get the idea

Nah that's Catholic doctrine. **** the hell out.

I thought it was Fart Through Holed Orifices. Boy was I off on that one.

Have you ever said **** out? And how many times have you said **** off?
My case is heavy and I'm tired, and so I rest it.

As a Catholic boy are you gonna tell me you were never possessed by Satan and had the local priest come over with the annointed oil and sacramental wine coolers?

Since I was 16, I've regularly pinched at least three loaves every day. Three dirty deuces a day keeps the doctor away, I always say.

What? Is that code for saying you poop 3 times per day?