Shaking Hands
 

In the interview thread the subject of shaking hands in relation to gender came up. I figure most people here probably do it so I decided to add another question to it.

On my mom's side of the family (Estonian heritage, if that matters) they were taught to shake hands very firmly. I have painful childhood memories of one of my relatives who seemed to be trying to break my hand every time we shook hands.

On my dad's side of the family (Canadian/English) they don't have any sort of conduct for shaking hands, but I noticed many of them have relatively weak hand shakes. In general I think this holds true for most of the people here too.

I'd like to see what role location and age play in it as well but that would be a bitch of a poll to make just for shaking hands. So just choose which option best describes you.

Weak. So very weak. I get too worried that I'll crush their hand otherwise.

I picked firm.
I don't know what it is, but if a guy limp shakes my hand, it's very off-putting.
I don't really find myself shaking hands very often unless I'm dealing with people on a professional level, but I've had a few limp shakers before and it just makes me want to go wash my hands for some reason...

USA
30 years old

Firm for me as well. I was raised to do it but I think I would have done it anyways. And I agree with everything Freebase Dali said.

Canada
21

This pretty much describes me too, though I'd like to add that women who give the dead fish hand also kind of annoy me. It's the 21st century ladies, it's okay to be assertive.

For the record the Acadian side of my family were a bunch of handbreakingly hard shakers but everybody else was simply firm without trying to crush your hand.

Male, 34
USA

I hate touching people. With the exception of sex, I find no joy at all, whatsoever, in human physical contact of any kind... suppose I'm ****ed.

If I have to shake somebody's hand(employer during interview, etc). I will, but they more shake my hand than I shake theirs.

Only at the interview stage and already making the boss do all the work. :laughing:

My grandfather instructed me from an early age that a firm handshake is necessary to go anywhere in the world.

I kinda get creeped out by people who do the weak fish; it's like not looking at someone when you are talking to them. Unless you're old or really sloppily hitting on me, don't finger my hand like it's an inattentive cat.

Aww, no hugs? Without trying to sound like a perv, I love human contact.

The image of the worst possible interpretation of someone "fingering a cat" is now seared into my brain. :yikes:

Damn people seem to judge others based on the stupidest things. I don't think a handshake says much of anything about the person who's attached to that hand.

Went with put no though into it, though I'm probably actually a firm shaker.

Hugs don't fill me with any emotion, at all. They just feel like I've wasted a fraction of a second that's gone on a century.

Aren't you supposed to be able to work out someone's political stance by the way they shake your hand or something?

I always give a firm handshake, but I temper that by the person with whom I am shaking hands. If I'm shaking hands with some tiny slip of a girl, I will give a handshake that feels firm to them, not to me. I may well be giving an -almost- limp handshake in that situation, but seeing as I'm likely much bigger than they are, I trust it won't come off that way.

On the other hand, if I'm shaking hands with a 40 year old ex-army sergeant, I will probably have my hand rather firm. In my experience, so will they in this situation, so I'm probably just matching expectations.

This describes my approach exactly.
I was taken well off guard on one occasion when being introduced to a giant of a man. When we went to shake hands I ended up with what felt like a fistfull of cold, damp sausages. I nearly broke the guys fingers over compensating.

Is this thread based on interview situations, social, or just general?

I'm guessing general.

The worst thing is when you just end up shaking their fingers, or they shake yours. It's very off-putting, I can't even imagine being friends with that sort of person.

General. It woulda got too convoluted if I added situations.

Never heard of this and as I don't have one political stance over another you definitely won't guess.

A firm hand shake is definitely preferred. A limp handshake just feels wrong but the bonecrushers that some males love to go for just makes me think 'over compensation' or twat.

I once heard that how thick the knot is on a man's tie is representative to the thickness of his pond tickler. What a crock.

Male
39

I give a firm handshake then immediately think about washing my hands in fear of getting sick.

I do it out of social obligation but I'd prefer not too.

If I'm passing by someone I know, I rather fist bump them instead of the open passing by slap like drugs are being exchanged that type of thing.

I never realized there was a difference between genders as far as hand-shaking etiquette goes, until that Interview thread came up. I was taught to just give a firm, friendly handshake when meeting someone you don't know for the first time, or in an interview, etc., and have pretty much just stuck with that. Why over think it?

Female, 31, Texas

As firm as my small, adolescent hand can manage without coming off as forceful.

I prefer fist bump :beer: as a greeting instead of the traditional open hand shake too.

Less chance of catching a cold from someone else.

Does any guy shake a femal friends hand for social reasons? I can't imagine that ever happening!

saying that though in general I would dearly love to never have to shake another persons hand. I keep thining of refusing but it's just not worth having to explain why and people are always going to take it personal on some level. You meet somone. YOu say 'Hi'. Jobs a good-un!

I don't think I've ever shook the hand of a woman. I'll shake hands with men, but for some reason shaking hands with a woman seems inappropriate.
A bit like slapping them on the back.
Usually, a smile and nod does the trick.

Bored, Manchester.

I'm not a fan of the weak fish either. I haven't experienced too many weak fish, but I know what you're talking about.

I don't think anyone ever taught me how to shake hands, but I like to try to shake hands in the same way I like handshakes to feel. I love shaking hands because it can be such a warm, friendly gesture, especially when combined with a smile and eye contact. I definitely think about all the nuances of handshaking! :laughing:

I like a handshake that feels as if the person wants to shake hands, so firmness is nice, because that makes the gesture feel convincing...but not TOO firm, otherwise the handshake feels dominating. You definitely don't want to squeeze a person's hand too hard, or just squeeze the fingers. You want palm-to-palm touching.

Also the handshake shouldn't be too short (seems the person doesn't want to touch) or too long (seems the person wants inappropriate closeness and I start to feel uncomfortable).

And of course it isn't really much of a shake. It's more of a clasp and hold with a slight up and then down motion. I would be disconcerted if someone started pumping my arm wildly up and down.

I really enjoy the handshaking part of social interactions and often am the first to offer my hand in greeting when I meet someone...such as fellow mothers I meet on the playground. I'll even offer my hand in greeting to people I already know when I see them again. If you stick your hand out toward a person, most people grasp it out of habit. If a person is friendly and smiles, then you know that's a good handshake candidate...someone who appreciates handshakes.

The only problem is my hands are sometimes cold, which is NOT a desirable hand trait, and so when I shake someone's hand I often include the apologetic comment, "I'm sorry my hand is so cold!"

I said that to someone just yesterday, actually.

Sigh. I want to be a warm handshaker, but my body betrays me. :(

Slapping them on the back?? Maybe you've got the handshake technique all wrong, right-track. A good handshake feels nothing like a back-slap.

I am reminded of this video clip from Sense and Sensibility, where Willoughby won't shake poor Marianne's hand:

This is the most ridiculous thing in the world, yet I think you can actually conclude a lot about a person just based on that initial handshake.

I'm somewhere in the middle, not a limp hand, not a bone crusher, as I equally hate both.

Btw, never shook the hand of a woman? Not even in a business-related situation? Because NOT shaking it seems downright rude...unless where you come from it's not customary to do so so they don't even offer their hand. Strange!

I also thought that was strange. Offering only a smile and a nod seems quite distant to me...especially if the person just shook hands with a man standing next to me.

I'm with this. I feel as though a handshake says a great deal, when combined with other 'first meeting' gestures. Someone who offers me a weak handshake but a very positive greeting for example, I get the impression they're semi-submissive or unsure.

On the other hand, the ex army folk handshake I mentioned before usually is far firmer than I consider is appropriate for a first meeting, so I generally take away the impression that the person is attempting to appear dominant.

I've yet to be tremendously far off base.

That is so true, and I dislike overtly submissive or dominant people, which is definitely shown by a handshake.

Oh and I've noticed that I do adapt my handshake to the person I'm shaking hands with, if I see a burly man, I'll definitely prepare for a more firm handshake (though I don't think I've ever actually overpowered anyone in that respect) and when I see a tiny little woman I just take their hand in mine. Also, the majority of my handshakes aren't really proper, full grasp, hold tight, bob up and down handshakes, more of a hasty grab and let go affairs...:\

Pretty much customary not to. If I know the female well enough to shake hands, then a greeting is usually with a kiss.
Shaking hands is a male thing. I'm not saying it should be so exclusively, but you won't get many women here offering a handshake.
Like Kayliegh says, it's rare to non existent. Maybe it's a northern thing?

Vegan. A true lady would offer the gentleman the back of her hand with her palm facing down and would not request a handshake, but instead would expect a light kiss. Failing that...a swift punch to the shoulder will suffice.

Older than you, UK.

/me is mancunian

/me sees girls shake hands semi-frequently

Not gonna lie, I get the impression "now he's a poofter."

That thought (though without that particular slang) usually only crosses my mind if they lisp and mince.

I knows you is mancunian.
What does semi-frequently mean? You either does, or you don't.
In your job?

It depends on who I'm shaking hands with. I live in Louisville, Kentucky, so the guys seem to expect a strong handshake and the women expect a somewhat firm, but gentle handshake. Personally, I really don't like shaking hands... with anyone I know, I try to just hug if the situation calls for physically saying hello. If it's someone I see all the time, I'm much more likely to just wave or high five or fist bump or... really, anything other than shaking hands.

See, this seems really odd to me. My parents actually taught me that when your in a situation where you're meeting someone new, especially someone older, you should shake their hand. And it's very common place in business, among men and women alike.

Maybe my momma really didn't raise me right...

In and out. I'm not saying it happens a whole ****load but I do end up shaking hands with women quite a bit in day to day life. People's girlfriends for example, where there's a need to make a more committed acknowledgement of their existence than just "hi", but where a greeting-hug is out of line. They usually proffer, by the way.

Personally, I was never actually "taught" how to shake hands in any certain way. It just became pretty obvious after being put in positions where you experienced handshakes in various situations, and/or seeing it happen in your environment. I think the only guidance I ever had was people saying you should shake your interviewer's (for a job) hand firmly and meet their gaze directly and confidently. I can't really think of any teachings or advice beyond what I saw for myself.

Maybe it's just our culture, though. It just seems normal to me to always shake hands upon a first greeting, in a professional setting, regardless of gender. If I were shaking a male's hand, it would be firm, but a female's, it wouldn't be as firm. But it wouldn't be a sloppy fish. And it certainly wouldn't be a cheek kiss in any scenario. Not in the south, at least.

As far as friends are concerned, it really would depend on how long it has been since I've seen them and how close we are. For best male friends I haven't seen in a long time, it defaults to the standard half-shake/thumb-lock thing with a possible shoulder-bump and inclusion of a back pat a few times. For female friends, it's always a hug.

Otherwise, for casual friends, there is no shaking or hugging of anything. It's just a vocal greeting.

I'm sure there's a generational aspect at work as well.