Give Vanilla Advice Before She Comes
 

I have this stupid bitch that sits beside me at work who's on my team. She constantly complains, moans, puts whoever is next to her down and is on a major power trip. She thinks she's the best and will not shut the fuck up. I have to sit next to her crap every day and she needs to a)lighten up and b) stop acting like she's above us/has authority.

Can someone please explain to me how I should deal with this? I need advice before I do something stupid like a) punch her face in/bury her or b) scream at her in front of the entire office c) shoot myself.

Yes I've been drinking, but only because I needed to unwind.

is there a way you can like, not sit by her?

just beat her up

I'd have to swap seats with the girl next to me who knows how annoying she is. Not gonna happen. Our office is filled to the brim. Any other ideas? I welcome violence advice.

Invite her to a bar, get her hammed, and if she pissed you off BOOM right hook to the dome. At work blame it on the booze.

get some tasteless rat poison and slip it in her coffee when she's not looking

Firstly, you didn`t say whether she`s your superior as in supervisor etc. If she is then the situation is more difficult especially as you have to be careful how you react if you like or need the job.

If she`s not your superior, then its much easier, basically challenge some of her assumptions and look to pick a fight whenever possible (in a tactful way of course, as in trashing her opinions with some hard facts or general common sense) and in that way you should get the others on your side. This normally provokes two responses. 1)she`ll back down with the attitude which is the desired effect or 2)She`ll show you what shes made of and then you`ll have to step up your act until one of you comes out on top.

This happens in most workplaces and normally more with women than men. But one cat always comes out on top in the end.

Is this someone you have to actually interact with to do your job or just a person you happen to sit next to?

I hope David Thorne will help you find some inspiration. Personally I find the horse whisperer joke the best, but more should work ;)

If you want to win, take what you've learned from the internet. Trolls have mastered the correct battle tactics.

If you say and do things you can't actually get in trouble for, but you know drives her nuts, you might make her flip out and screw herself. Just do it with sincereity and make her look unreasonable. Find her buttons and mash them like a 6 year old in an elevator.

actually i misread the thread as "Give Vanilla Advice Before Comes"

i was thinking why you want advice for that, aren't you the expert?

That's how I read it at first too :laughing:

I think that's how we all read it.

Anyway, there's two ways I can see you solving this. You can do it immorally, retaliatig to this woman and pissing her off to the point where she flips, or if you want to be really bad, framing her and getting her sacked. Or you can do it morally and stand above her, correcting her when she's wrong, treating her better than she treats you and trying to tolerate he. to the point where she just gives up. Yeah, I suck at advice.

It might just be a problem of dealing with her crap and ignoring her until she either quits or does something to get herself fired.
Those types eventually make enemies of everyone in the workplace and usually don't last very long.
That's been my experience with such co-workers, anyway.

Maybe an oblique strategy...?

Oblique Strategies

:laughing:

I approve of this recommendation.

This.

If she complains a lot then it shouldn't be hard to find the buttons. Just listen to what she says and use it as ammunition. And just remember to be subtle about it. REALLY subtle. Like when she goes to the bathroom take all of her pens and and throw them across the room, or leave threatening notes written in spanish.

I contributed to a co-worker quitting once. I mildly irritated her for months, and then she wrote me a spazzy letter, to which I responded calmly and condescendingly, and after that she ragequit.

She's not my superior. The boss is away and she's on fire with her self inflicted power trip. That's great advice, I need to beat her at her own game!

I have to sit next to her, sometimes interact but I can do my job without any contact with her.

:laughing:

Trolling! How awesome is that idea! I am going to get her to flip out big time. Love the analogy. I will be really fake nice too.

:rofl: of course I'm the expert.

That's right, my boss said forgive your co-workers twice as much as the forgive you. So basically, I've got to let nothing annoy me as far as she knows. Everything's a pleasure but I can still drive her mad with that. She will not win because I'm better than her!

Ok.

:laughing:

Subtle is my middle name. I'm really good at creeping under peoples skin. Passive aggressive always works. LOL at the Spanish notes

Teach me all you know. :D

Just ask her "why?" all the time. Seriously, it works. Once someone actually has to analyze the crap they are spewing out of their mouths, they realize how stupid they are. Or you will just annoy her enough to the point where she wants to move.

If ANYONE can solve this problem, it's Brian Eno!

There is absolutely no way anybody came into this thread without either reading or at least THINKING "Give Vanilla Advice Before She Comes"

You sly dog you.

I once used the spanish thing. We had a colleague who was leaving 'office notes' everywhere, stuff about not overfeeding the office fish, etc. Nothing big but kind of annoying.

I changed all the notes to spanish in google translate and replaced them. Then I logged into his PC and photoshopped his desktop background so that all the text was also in spanish, and changed the system language :P

We have an office forum too, so at a later date I changed his avatar on that to the spanish flag and translated his signature :P


Of course, this was all in good fun, not to annoy them particularly, but it was fun :P

there is a woman in my firm who thinks she runs the firm

i just calmly ignore her or answer with non-sequiturs

eventually, she'll step on someone else's tail and i go downstairs, buy popcorn and a can of coke, sit back and revel in the ensuing battle

In that case, just pretend she doesn't exist. Not only does this make your life seem less stressful but it also will probably drive her insane.

I'm curious to know how he reacted to that!

Lol...did you get beat up a lot in school GB?

I'd say when she starts her shit, just laugh at her. When she sees how ridiculous you find her, there's a good chance her ego will be bruised and she'll revert to just silently seething and hating you - which is something easily ignored in the workplace.

Nope. Did you have parents or were you raised by wolves?

Heh...good one, but sadly no Gb.

Well if more people think she's annoying, it's time not just you had a nice chat with her, but at least three or four people. That'll do the trick. If the others don't want to, they're just as lame as she is :D.
It's always a win when you can step up to someone and say 'listen up, it's time we have a word with you' :D

What you do is step up to her cocky arse and tell her hey!! I'm not going to take it anymore wanker, I've had enough and the next time you piss me off I'm going to, I'm gonna....maybe you should stop at wanker.

I also work with someone who thinks they are king of the universe
Or queen or the universe in your case I suppose.
Basically, what I do to get under his skin is simple confrontation, I don't take anything from him.
A lot of people will just crumble with the simplest confrontation. You know if you just say, nice and loud "HEY! Stop it."

I also one time melted a chocolate piece of exlax "Fast Relief" in his hot chocolate last holiday season when he got a little too full of himself. He spent the remainder of the work day in the bathroom and missed a few meetings because of it. It was hilarious but naturally I didn't get the credit I deserved as it came hand in hand with getting fired.

I would definitely suggest it though.

^^I still think rat poison is better

Guess what? She got moved out of my temp team and got a full time job booking appointments for business sales managers! Yay she's gone. It's so much better without her around, my coworker and I could relax a little more. Although now our targets have risen so I have to keep up the hard work or I might not be able to stick around!

Is it a sales job?

Drop the head in her, then a right volley to the ribs and she'll be sorted.

*faps*

:laughing: