The coming out thread - Take II

[Arya Stark]

I love this thread.

[CHCl3]

I would like to apologize to the people that actually take this thread seriously. It seems that in the last thread I sort of scoffed at the idea of this thread in its predecessor thread.

I was wrong to do that. Regardless of whatever misconceptions I may have had about this sort of thing that letter posted by ThePhanataismo. That was an awesome letter.

[The Virgin]

Phanastasio, you are so lucky you have a mom as awesome as that. imagine if all parents are like that, how young children wouldn't have to go through all the difficulty of growing up as gay. and perhaps more young gay people would be spared from committing or even thinking about suicide.

i applaud you're mother very much. she's truely one of a kind.!

Originally Posted by CHCl3

I would like to apologize to the people that actually take this thread seriously. It seems that in the last thread I sort of scoffed at the idea of this thread in its predecessor thread.

I was wrong to do that. Regardless of whatever misconceptions I may have had about this sort of thing that letter posted by ThePhanataismo. That was an awesome letter.

apologize my as*

[Howard the Duck]

my coming out story:-

well, basically I had overactive hormones since I reached puberty, before I entered secondary school (Grade 12 upwards), I was always fantasising about girls

when I got to the school, i was extremely disappointed it was all boys

around 14 or so, i still keep pursuing girls in my tuition class

then around 15 or so, i felt abnormally attracted to this effeminate boy in my class and won't stop disturbing him

around 18 or so, I saw a Leon Lai (Hong Kong) concert and starting feeling waves of sexual adulation or whatnot

so that's that - i'm bi, although getting a lot of straight sex does seem to ease the homosexual longings in me

[FRED HALE SR.]

Originally Posted by The Virgin

Phanastasio, you are so lucky you have a mom as awesome as that. imagine if all parents are like that, how young children wouldn't have to go through all the difficulty of growing up as gay. and perhaps more young gay people would be spared from committing or even thinking about suicide.

i applaud you're mother very much. she's truely one of a kind.!

I think its nice to see this thread treated with the respect it deserved originally. I think Phanastacio's story is one that is often rare, and not because of the understanding point of view of her mother. I think its due to the courage it really takes to tell your parents as Marijan described. There might be millions of more understanding parents out there ready to embrace the path their gay sons and daughter have chosen to go down with their life.

It takes alot of courage and alot of understanding on both sides. Nice to see that her mother was so great and values her daughter as more then a sexual being but a DAUGHTER, which is the most important thing. Bravo for those that have already shown the courage to embrace their sexuality, but more importantly bravo to those who will come out eventually and take their lives out of the closet and into their families hearts.

I hope I will not be punished for excessive use of the word bravo. Good day.

[___]

I'm just going to say that this will be all over the place and choppy at some points because I never really in depth told my coming out. It was always in simple terms. So...onward!


I grew up with three older brothers, I am the youngest and only girl. My madre (R.I.P) always wanted a daughter, and she said she wouldn't stop until had one. So needless to say, it was a lot of pressure on myself. She would always dress me up in clothes that I did not feel comfortable with, fix my hair, when I got a little older, she'd put make-up on me. I really hated it all. I was starting to feel a lot of anger towards her as she kept trying to push me to dress like a girl and act like one. Pretty much preschool-third grade she pushed her feminine ways at me. Picture day was the worst day of my life because that's when she'd really "doll" me up. I didn't like what she did to hair, and once I left the house and got to school, I'd mess it up and I started to feel so insecure about myself. But around first grade or so that's when it started, I suppose. I'd chase girls around playfully. I'd always try and hang out with my older brothers and their friends. I was definitely labeled as a "tomboy" as I grew older. Probably around fourth grade my mom quit trying to make me wear girl clothes and let me shop in the boys department. And around this time when I was venturing on wanting to be a boy, I think started to get incredibly sad and possible disappointed because her baby girl, her only girl did not want to act like one, dress like one. I remember being like six or seven and I went into the bathroom and I lifted up the toilet seat and I stood in front of it and tried to pee like a boy did, I discovered (back then) that I had to literally stand over it for it to successfully target it in there and not get it on the floor. I did this several times, feeling pretty good about myself.

Fourth grade was when I had a crush on a girl who I also became super close to. It felt weird as being a girl. But I friggin' prayed when I went to sleep that I'd wake up and be a boy so I could go out with other girls. I wanted to be a boy so badly. I lay in bed and think of all the weird possibilities of how I could wake up to be a boy, I'd think of being born a boy, or I'd think of waking up a boy and slip outside and come back in and magically be a part of the family and they'd accept that their daughter wasn't there anymore. I eventually stopped thinking that way. But sixth grade came and I had a major crush on my teacher, she was a younger teacher which I thought was cool, she was only about twenty seven or so. I even had a dream we were together. Then ninth grade came and in science class a girl walked in late, and I've seen her before many times, but that day she just looked pretty amazing, I had fantasize that her and I would go into the bathroom stall and "get down"

Oh I forgot to mention from about thirteen to fifteen I was online all the time, in Harry Potter chat rooms on yahoo and made some girlfriends because I was pretending to be a guy online. I probably had five girlfriends. I didn't regret it at all, because I was happy and they were happy. But I eventually realized that I wasn't a boy, and those girls didn't deserve the lies so I told them.

Tenth grade I started realizing my attraction towards girls. I didn't know what to do. I was a very quiet person, didn't talk much at all (still don't but I've improved) And then....the L word came on Showtime. I actually watched that show with my parental units, they really loved it. It was awkward, of course, to watch the sex scenes with them but we moved passed it. Now I did date boys... I did not like it at all, but I knew that I had to be abide my family because that's what girls are suppose to do. I dated probably four boys. Nothing happened, I wouldn't let it. They were just there on display to satisfy my family. In high school though I did not date anyone. Anyway, back to the L word. The first season just ended, my parental units and I were staying in a motel, and I had my own little room and they had theirs. I got up and walked out and my mom was reading her silly gossip magazines and I sat on her bed, she sat up and I was just quiet, she asked what was wrong and it took me a moment, but she was patient. And then I told her, but I came out as being bisexual. My mom said she had her suspicions but she said she still loved me and that all she wants is for her kids to be happy. But I couldn't tell my dad, him and I had a good relationship, when my older brothers got older they didn't really want to hang out with my dad, so him and I would play catch with a football, frisbee, baseball. And we'd go to the movies every Friday or Saturday when my mom would go to bingo. So I couldn't tell him, and my mom did. And he accepted it just the same and said he knew too. (oh did I mention back then, I had a clear notebook and you could stick stuff inside it, anyway, I had Sandra Bullock plastered all over it...)

And then I was sixteen, and I met a girl online on a L word forum. We had a long distance relationship and I had known forever that I wasn't bisexual. So while being with the girl, I told my mom and I also said I wasn't bisexual, she said she knew. And then it came to tell my brothers... I told my oldest brother first. We walked into Albertson's (A grocery store) and we sat down at a table, and I just said. He was shocked but still supportive and then made jokes about how we need to find me a girl to which I said I already had one. I told him that I wanted to tell my other two brothers myself. Except, in my family holding onto something doesn't happen, word gets around in a rapid manner. So they knew by the time I told them. I told the youngest brother when we dropped my mom off at bingo, he said he knew, he thought I was going through "a phase" he was the only one that had difficulties with it. It took me a lot longer to tell the second older brother because him and I had a relationship that we didn't have with our other siblings. He already knew of course, so when I told him, he just thanked me for telling him myself and he loved me just the same.

Even though my mom said she still loved me, it took her a very long time to accept that I wouldn't be wearing her wedding dress and give her grandchildren because I made it clear that I wouldn't want to get pregnant.

Eighteen, I moved to be with the girl I was in a LDR with and then I had a time where I was going through a transgender time. The girl I was with, supported me. My family...did not know what to think about that...they didn't disown me but they didn't really support me, except the second oldest brother. My mom flipped her biscuits and just cried and cried. I felt guilty because all my life I had to weight of pressure of being a girl because that's all she wanted. But as the years went on, my mom and I grew into a great relationship. To her I was still a lesbian that she accepted and loved. She only just died last month.

Now at 23, I'm just me. I feel comfortable in knowing that I'm androgynous and I get mistaken for a boy by strangers and I'm okay with that. I do not correct anyone when it come to my gender.

Sorry for the long ass story...

[TockTockTock]

I'm glad to see you finally came out to one of your friends, DoctorSoft. I think I remember hearing you talking about it a while back and about how your friends had suspicions of your sexuality.... It's good that he took it well.

[DoctorSoft]

Thanks a lot man, it was really worth it.

[Queen Boo]

Originally Posted by ___

I'm just going to say that this will be all over the place and choppy at some points because I never really in depth told my coming out. It was always in simple terms. So...onward!


I grew up with three older brothers, I am the youngest and only girl. My madre (R.I.P) always wanted a daughter, and she said she wouldn't stop until had one. So needless to say, it was a lot of pressure on myself. She would always dress me up in clothes that I did not feel comfortable with, fix my hair, when I got a little older, she'd put make-up on me. I really hated it all. I was starting to feel a lot of anger towards her as she kept trying to push me to dress like a girl and act like one. Pretty much preschool-third grade she pushed her feminine ways at me. Picture day was the worst day of my life because that's when she'd really "doll" me up. I didn't like what she did to hair, and once I left the house and got to school, I'd mess it up and I started to feel so insecure about myself. But around first grade or so that's when it started, I suppose. I'd chase girls around playfully. I'd always try and hang out with my older brothers and their friends. I was definitely labeled as a "tomboy" as I grew older. Probably around fourth grade my mom quit trying to make me wear girl clothes and let me shop in the boys department. And around this time when I was venturing on wanting to be a boy, I think started to get incredibly sad and possible disappointed because her baby girl, her only girl did not want to act like one, dress like one. I remember being like six or seven and I went into the bathroom and I lifted up the toilet seat and I stood in front of it and tried to pee like a boy did, I discovered (back then) that I had to literally stand over it for it to successfully target it in there and not get it on the floor. I did this several times, feeling pretty good about myself.

Fourth grade was when I had a crush on a girl who I also became super close to. It felt weird as being a girl. But I friggin' prayed when I went to sleep that I'd wake up and be a boy so I could go out with other girls. I wanted to be a boy so badly. I lay in bed and think of all the weird possibilities of how I could wake up to be a boy, I'd think of being born a boy, or I'd think of waking up a boy and slip outside and come back in and magically be a part of the family and they'd accept that their daughter wasn't there anymore. I eventually stopped thinking that way. But sixth grade came and I had a major crush on my teacher, she was a younger teacher which I thought was cool, she was only about twenty seven or so. I even had a dream we were together. Then ninth grade came and in science class a girl walked in late, and I've seen her before many times, but that day she just looked pretty amazing, I had fantasize that her and I would go into the bathroom stall and "get down"

Oh I forgot to mention from about thirteen to fifteen I was online all the time, in Harry Potter chat rooms on yahoo and made some girlfriends because I was pretending to be a guy online. I probably had five girlfriends. I didn't regret it at all, because I was happy and they were happy. But I eventually realized that I wasn't a boy, and those girls didn't deserve the lies so I told them.

Tenth grade I started realizing my attraction towards girls. I didn't know what to do. I was a very quiet person, didn't talk much at all (still don't but I've improved) And then....the L word came on Showtime. I actually watched that show with my parental units, they really loved it. It was awkward, of course, to watch the sex scenes with them but we moved passed it. Now I did date boys... I did not like it at all, but I knew that I had to be abide my family because that's what girls are suppose to do. I dated probably four boys. Nothing happened, I wouldn't let it. They were just there on display to satisfy my family. In high school though I did not date anyone. Anyway, back to the L word. The first season just ended, my parental units and I were staying in a motel, and I had my own little room and they had theirs. I got up and walked out and my mom was reading her silly gossip magazines and I sat on her bed, she sat up and I was just quiet, she asked what was wrong and it took me a moment, but she was patient. And then I told her, but I came out as being bisexual. My mom said she had her suspicions but she said she still loved me and that all she wants is for her kids to be happy. But I couldn't tell my dad, him and I had a good relationship, when my older brothers got older they didn't really want to hang out with my dad, so him and I would play catch with a football, frisbee, baseball. And we'd go to the movies every Friday or Saturday when my mom would go to bingo. So I couldn't tell him, and my mom did. And he accepted it just the same and said he knew too. (oh did I mention back then, I had a clear notebook and you could stick stuff inside it, anyway, I had Sandra Bullock plastered all over it...)

And then I was sixteen, and I met a girl online on a L word forum. We had a long distance relationship and I had known forever that I wasn't bisexual. So while being with the girl, I told my mom and I also said I wasn't bisexual, she said she knew. And then it came to tell my brothers... I told my oldest brother first. We walked into Albertson's (A grocery store) and we sat down at a table, and I just said. He was shocked but still supportive and then made jokes about how we need to find me a girl to which I said I already had one. I told him that I wanted to tell my other two brothers myself. Except, in my family holding onto something doesn't happen, word gets around in a rapid manner. So they knew by the time I told them. I told the youngest brother when we dropped my mom off at bingo, he said he knew, he thought I was going through "a phase" he was the only one that had difficulties with it. It took me a lot longer to tell the second older brother because him and I had a relationship that we didn't have with our other siblings. He already knew of course, so when I told him, he just thanked me for telling him myself and he loved me just the same.

Even though my mom said she still loved me, it took her a very long time to accept that I wouldn't be wearing her wedding dress and give her grandchildren because I made it clear that I wouldn't want to get pregnant.

Eighteen, I moved to be with the girl I was in a LDR with and then I had a time where I was going through a transgender time. The girl I was with, supported me. My family...did not know what to think about that...they didn't disown me but they didn't really support me, except the second oldest brother. My mom flipped her biscuits and just cried and cried. I felt guilty because all my life I had to weight of pressure of being a girl because that's all she wanted. But as the years went on, my mom and I grew into a great relationship. To her I was still a lesbian that she accepted and loved. She only just died last month.

Now at 23, I'm just me. I feel comfortable in knowing that I'm androgynous and I get mistaken for a boy by strangers and I'm okay with that. I do not correct anyone when it come to my gender.

Sorry for the long ass story...

*sniff* FUCKING HELL. *sniff*
That is beautiful.

[adidasss]

Yes, congratulations doctorsoft, a major step for you. Hopefully it won't stop there, but everything in its own time aye...

I think it's important to note the immense feeling of liberation that comes from admitting the truth to your loved ones. Definitely makes it worth the while to take that dreadful plunge. There's always a risk that they won't react very well but ultimately it's a good test of their true devotion to you. Because I think we can all do without the people who only care about us based on a skewed notion of who we are.

And thank you to _____ for sharing your story with us. Touching on one of the things you said, I had a similar reaction from my middle sister (whom I told a few months after my youngest sister), she was convinced that I'd got this "idea" from the internet and wanted to argue with me that I "couldn't really know I'm not attracted to girls until I've slept with one". I lol-ed of course and asked her how she knew she wasn't attracted to girls? No reply to that one... We then proceeded to avoid the subject for a few years, but now she's making jokes about it, how much I suck at fashion and am generally useless as a gay brother...

My oldest sister was a more difficult nut to crack, since she's so much older than us (she's 40 now) and therefore the most conservative. She didn't make a big drama about it when I told her but she did tell me flat out that she didn't "agree" with it and outright forbade me to ever tell our parents. Last year I went to my first pride parade and she managed to call me while I was on the bus to the capital so I told her where I was going. I got a cold "ok", then she hung up and proceeded to make a huge drama to my youngest and middle sister back at home about how selfish I was being and how I don't think about what this would do the the rest of the family if it ever got out. Fantastic reaction from someone who is supposed to care more about me than what others think. This year she again caught me on the way to the capital for another pride parade but she was a lot more mellow. She just sighed and I told her to get used it because I definitely don't plan to hide in the privacy of my own home...

It's interesting to note that ALL of them were completely taken by surprise when I told them, which I think is rather odd since I'm not exactly the archetype of masculinity and have never been seen with a girl. I guess I got away with it by being tall, skinny and hopelessly awkward...:\

So...small steps but we're all getting there...