The coming out thread - Take II

[Trollheart]

That's the kind of pressure many of us will never know, and be glad not to know. Could so easily have gone terribly badly. Respect.

[adidasss]

Thanks you guys...

@Micshazam, it was a bet I was willing to make only when I knew that I would be ok even if they didn't react well. It turned out well, but I was sort of adamant, to the rest of my family, that I was not going to live a lie for the rest of my life, I had too much pride for that and they needed to understand and accept my decision (they were initially VERY much against telling our parents).

Anyways, I'm glad it all turned out ok, it's just a great burned off my shoulders and one less thing to stress about. It's a little weird I guess that something like that could cause so much stress, but we are where we are...:/

[grindy]

Really happy for you, adi.
Eastern-europeans are indeed often ridiculous about homosexuality and it's good to hear that things went relatively well for you. Can't even imagine how my dad would react if I were gay. He's totally brainwashed by this whole conservative putin-loving orthodox **** that's currently so popular in the former USSR.

[MicShazam]

Yeah I heard that Russia is pretty crazy about homophobia right now.

Not to mention that whole tragic mess in Chechnya.
Still crazy to think that this really happened so recently.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anti-g...es_in_Chechnya

[The Batlord]

Originally Posted by adidasss

So flash forward 7 years and now I can say that I am fully out to my family, hurray!

I sort of made a deal with myself that I would come out if and when I meet that special someone and that happened some 5 years ago so after I was dating my partner for a few months I took the plunge and told my mother. Slightly less dramatic than telling my sister but probably even harder to do emotionally. My sister I told via text message, my mother I told face to face. And boy was it hard to get the words out.

She said she knew...she also said she would have preferred it if I hadn't told her. But almost immediately, like my sister, she went into the whole "I'm worried what will happen to you", not just about the prejudice but also HIV etc. So I assured her I'm very safe etc.

That was about 5 years ago. about a year later, my father found out, through my mother, because my boyfriend was coming to visit my home town and was staying at my house! I thought it was going to be quite dramatic but in the end they shook hands, my father spent the rest of the holiday hiding somewhere and then we proceeded not to speak to each other for about a year.

My mother is now quite fond of my boyfriend I think, although unfortunately, he is spanish and so they can't really communicate since my parents don't speak English. She makes food for him when we come home, asks me about him over the phone. We've come a long way.

My father this summer made also a big step forward and didn't hide away this time, but greeted my boyfriend and said goodbye and even "see you" to him in English when we were leaving! That was really heartwarming. There is still much progress to be made and I doubt they will ever really have a close relationship with my boyfriend but I'm ok with that.

So, the moral of the story is that, a lot of gay people are really terrified of telling their family and think the worst will happen, and unfortunately, sometimes it does. But most of the time, once the initial shock is over, things settle down and then there is a great sense of relief and liberation, and your relationship is allowed to grow since now you don't have to hide this very important part of you. So it is very much worth the effort.

P.s. My eldest sister has gradually warmed up to my boyfriend also, mostly because, unlike me, he has an amazing taste in everything so he buys her affection with presents. My brother on the other hand, I thought was ok with the whole story, turns out still can't really get over it so he mostly avoids us when we come home. But the best twist in this story is that, a few months ago, his only daughter, my niece, came out to me and my sister as a lesbian!! My mind was fucking blown away, I had NO idea!!

So, now it's her turn to come out to the rest of the family, including her homophobic parents. It will be interesting, she is my parents' only granddaughter (my brother has a son also)...

Personally I would have gone with, "Hey, dad! Who's got two thumbs and takes it up the butt?"

[Key]

Originally Posted by adidasss

So flash forward 7 years and now I can say that I am fully out to my family, hurray!

I sort of made a deal with myself that I would come out if and when I meet that special someone and that happened some 5 years ago so after I was dating my partner for a few months I took the plunge and told my mother. Slightly less dramatic than telling my sister but probably even harder to do emotionally. My sister I told via text message, my mother I told face to face. And boy was it hard to get the words out.

She said she knew...she also said she would have preferred it if I hadn't told her. But almost immediately, like my sister, she went into the whole "I'm worried what will happen to you", not just about the prejudice but also HIV etc. So I assured her I'm very safe etc.

That was about 5 years ago. about a year later, my father found out, through my mother, because my boyfriend was coming to visit my home town and was staying at my house! I thought it was going to be quite dramatic but in the end they shook hands, my father spent the rest of the holiday hiding somewhere and then we proceeded not to speak to each other for about a year.

My mother is now quite fond of my boyfriend I think, although unfortunately, he is spanish and so they can't really communicate since my parents don't speak English. She makes food for him when we come home, asks me about him over the phone. We've come a long way.

My father this summer made also a big step forward and didn't hide away this time, but greeted my boyfriend and said goodbye and even "see you" to him in English when we were leaving! That was really heartwarming. There is still much progress to be made and I doubt they will ever really have a close relationship with my boyfriend but I'm ok with that.

So, the moral of the story is that, a lot of gay people are really terrified of telling their family and think the worst will happen, and unfortunately, sometimes it does. But most of the time, once the initial shock is over, things settle down and then there is a great sense of relief and liberation, and your relationship is allowed to grow since now you don't have to hide this very important part of you. So it is very much worth the effort.

P.s. My eldest sister has gradually warmed up to my boyfriend also, mostly because, unlike me, he has an amazing taste in everything so he buys her affection with presents. My brother on the other hand, I thought was ok with the whole story, turns out still can't really get over it so he mostly avoids us when we come home. But the best twist in this story is that, a few months ago, his only daughter, my niece, came out to me and my sister as a lesbian!! My mind was fucking blown away, I had NO idea!!

So, now it's her turn to come out to the rest of the family, including her homophobic parents. It will be interesting, she is my parents' only granddaughter (my brother has a son also)...

A positive story is not something you always see in these situations. Awesome news. It's certainly a road block that weighs you down quite a bit. I remember when my dad was witnessing my experimental phase and I could just see the somewhat disappointment. My mom did meet one of my exs tho even though it only lasted like..2 weeks. But at the same time, my parents are always supportive.

[Trollheart]

Oh man! I read that quickly and thought you said "My mom did one of my exes!"

[[MERIT]]

I'm glad that you found some happiness adidasss!

Sidenote: Is Mirko "CroCop" Filipovic still the most famous person to come out of Croatia? LOL

[Trollheart]

Originally Posted by [MERIT]

I'm glad that you found some happiness adidasss!

Sidenote: Is Mirko "CroCop" Filipovic still the most famous person to come out of Croatia? LOL

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luka_Modri%C4%87

[Key]

Originally Posted by Trollheart

Oh man! I read that quickly and thought you said "My mom did one of my exes!"

The plot thickens.