Conan's Boring Blog (Don't Read)

~~someonecompletelyrandom~~ · 06-11-2011, 12:36 AM

Thanks for clearing that up.

Arya Stark · 06-11-2011, 12:50 AM

Marry me.
And I like your eyes.

djchameleon · 06-11-2011, 05:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Conan

This is the opposite of a Jesus.

I've had the pleasure of never celebrating Easter. I don't really understand why people do it. Well, sure I understand why people celebrate it, because they want to have fun or what have you. But I mean why are they even bothering with the whole Jesus aspect of it? Which Christian leader from back in the day thought this one up?

"Alright, so I got a new holiday yeah? Kids are going to love this one."
"Alright fire it at me."
"Okay so basically, there's this big rabbit yeah? Like the biggest rabbit you've ever seen."
"Right."
"And he lays these eggs-"
"-wait, I'm sorry. I'm not following.."
"Oh just let me finish."
"Right go ahead, then."
"Right so he lays these eggs. Coloured eggs. And they're also made of chocolate. And people go and hide these eggs all around and kids try to find them. And when they do, they win a little prize yeah? What do you think?"
"Hmmm... I mean eggs are good. But what about, you know.. Jesus?"
"Oh that chap. Right, I forgot that's why we're here isn't it? Um, we'll say it's his birthday or something."
"Did that already for Fat-Beard-Man Gift Giving Day."
"Oh yeah, right. We need to go ahead come up with a better name for that one."

If you incubated an easter egg, would a Jesus hatch from it?

The Easter tradition roots was separate than how it is today where it's connected to passover and people having Easter dinner

The roots of Easter tradition with the bunnies and things of that nature was to celebrate spring.

Rabbits are fertile creatures so they represent new growth or some bs like that.

Look it up on wikipedia

~~someonecompletelyrandom~~ · 06-11-2011, 08:11 AM

I know the origin of Easter. A magic rabbit appeared to Jesus and he shat chocolate eggs. Everyone knows the Easter miracle.

~~The Virgin~~ · 06-11-2011, 10:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Conan

Picture the scenario. It's Wednesday night. I'm bored, eating a microwaveable pot pie for no reason. I'm not even hungry. My spell check doesn't work anymore. This makes me very angry. I just burnt my tongue on a really hot carrot, why the heck was that carrot's heat disproportional to the rest of the pie? Why do they call it a pie anyway? They're lying. Pies have jelly or something in them, not chicken. I feel the same way about pizza. It's a pizza, not a "pizza pie". That's just unnessicary. Why would you prefer to say "pizza pie"? That's longer and more drawn out than just saying "pizza". We all know what a pizza is. Nobody associates pizza with pie. Why are you doing this?

That reminds me of something else. NOBODY and I mean NOBODY pronounces Tomato "Tommotto". I refuse to believe there are people like that in the world. They use that phrase, "Tomato, Tomotto" when they are trying to express that there are two equally as good ways of doing or saying something. They're full of it. "Tomotto" is clearly an inferior way of saying Tomato. If I met someone who said "Tomotto", my first reaction wouldn't be "It's okay that you say it like that. We're all equals." I would punch them in the face and kick them on the ground until they pronounced it correctly. Then I'd force them to eat a tomato.

Of course, I could be looking at this all wrong. A "Tomotto" could be an entirely different fruit that just happens to look and taste exactly like a Tomato. You know that whole "Is a Tomato a fruit or vegetable" debate? Maybe this is where the confusion comes from. Maybe a Tomato is a fruit and a "Tomotto" is a vegetable.

A tomato

A tomotto

Just finished that pot pie. Not to dwell on the subject of pies, but this has been bothering me lately. Why can't I find any of those pies that people throw in each other's faces on old movies and cartoons and stuff? It's always "Lemon filled apple twist" this and "raspberry cherry delight" that. Why can't I find a normal pie? Just whipped cream in a pan. That's all I want. Remember Slime Time Live on Nickelodeon? I want some of those. Because you can't just throw any old pie in someone's face.

Imagine throwing a freshly baked apple pie at someone. That'd be horrible. If they weren't burned, they'd be stained with syrupy gunk. It just wouldn't be funny. I'm paranoid that one day I'll befriend some foreigner who learns about our culture through Charlie Chaplin and 3 Stooges movies, and tries to throw a hot apple pie in my face as a joke. I'd be horribly disfigured. I wouldn't really mind being horribly disfigured, but I'd at least like to have a cool story to go with it. Not "this happened in a pie accident."

Speaking of dessert, what's up with cake being the only "acceptable" wedding dessert? I don't really like cake. I want a wedding pie. Or maybe wedding pudding.

Evidence

Why do they say "the proof is in the pudding"? When, in criminal investigative history, has evidence ever been concealed by dessert? I've never seen an episode of Matlock where he reaches into a big bowl of tapioca and pulls out a bloody handkerchief. Murder is a terrible thing. But I wouldn't mind being murdered if my death involved pudding. That's a really unique way to die.

Do you ever want to fill the top rim of a sombrero with chips and salsa and put it on a little person? I'd pay them ten dollars an hour just to walk around my house. That way whenever guests want a snack, they can just wait for the little fellow to pass by.

after reading your story, i felt very hungry. i just finished up eating fried pork and now it felt like i have to put in some pie in my mouth..hehe.. nevertheless, i had fun reading it.

captaincaptain · 06-11-2011, 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Virgin

after reading your story, i felt very hungry. i just finished up eating fried pork and now it felt like i have to put in some pie in my mouth..hehe.. nevertheless, i had fun reading it.

Like a meat pie, fruit pie, or pudding pie?

ThePhanastasio · 06-11-2011, 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Conan

That reminds me of something else. NOBODY and I mean NOBODY pronounces Tomato "Tommotto". I refuse to believe there are people like that in the world. They use that phrase, "Tomato, Tomotto" when they are trying to express that there are two equally as good ways of doing or saying something. They're full of it. "Tomotto" is clearly an inferior way of saying Tomato. If I met someone who said "Tomotto", my first reaction wouldn't be "It's okay that you say it like that. We're all equals." I would punch them in the face and kick them on the ground until they pronounced it correctly. Then I'd force them to eat a tomato.

Of course, I could be looking at this all wrong. A "Tomotto" could be an entirely different fruit that just happens to look and taste exactly like a Tomato. You know that whole "Is a Tomato a fruit or vegetable" debate? Maybe this is where the confusion comes from. Maybe a Tomato is a fruit and a "Tomotto" is a vegetable.

A tomato

A tomotto

This amused me greatly. I occasionally say 'tomotto' just to irritate my mother, because she thinks I say other words weird. Like pronouncing "vase" as "vahz" when she believes it should be "vays" or pronouncing "pen" as "pehn" (close to "pan" but not quite) instead of "pin".

~~someonecompletelyrandom~~ · 06-18-2011, 01:51 PM

There was a woman giving away Redbulls at the cinema tonight. She drove a car with a giant can of Redbull on the hood. I don't think she works for Redbull, I just think she likes to kill people one free can at a time. People like me, who accept and immediately devour the entire can for no reason. And so here I am, up late and writing a note that nobody will read. Let's do this.

I saw Green Lantern, the Warner Bros. produced comic book adaption for the DC universe Green Lantern series. I went into this film with low expectations. Very, very low expectations. As always, I viewed the film on two levels—how it stood as a piece of art and how much fun I had seeing it. As art, the film doesn't succeed on practically every level I look for. It was overproduced, poorly paced and hit every summer blockbuster cliche imaginable. As an experience, I genuinely enjoyed my time at the theater. It's definitely a popcorn movie, and one I didn't feel too bad about providing my own commentary on throughout.

Vincent Price as Gay Satan

Green Lantern essentially divides itself into two parts— the mostly CG world of Oa and the.. mostly CG world of Earth. Despite my personal dislike of CGI-laden films, I enjoyed the scenes in Oa the most. The other lantern characters didn't look believable in the slightest, but for a moment I forgot I was watching bad CGI and treated it like an animated film. On that level, it worked very well. I never got a feel for the world of Oa beyond the lantern training grounds. The city felt hollow, as we only visited four locations throughout our time there. I also felt the other lanterns weren't particularly developed. They each have a shell of a personality but we never get to know them. We were only given a taste of this world, which is a shame because this is the aspect of the film that actually interested me.

Back on Earth, things weren't particularly well directed, written or acted. Ryan whathisface played a decent Hal Jordan, but nearly every other character felt like a cog in the movie-machine, there to deliver expository dialog and pick up their check. The Rocky Dennis lookalike villain had quite a bit of potential and was wonderfully acted, but ultimately fell short of that potential when Galactus, I mean Parallax, sucks his soul Mummy style just when things get interesting.

The film was very derivative. I literally laughed out loud when the Fish-Lantern (I can't be bothered remembering his name) practically paraphrased Obi-Wan Kenobi. "For a thousand generations the [Green Lanterns] have been the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy. Before the dark times, before the [Parallax]."

This film wasn't ashamed of it's source material, however, and I greatly admire that. It jumps right into the Green Lantern mythology and makes no excuses. Even if that means things get down right corny, I'd much rather see that than see it go the way of Halle Berry's Catwoman.

I did thoroughly enjoy seeing it, however. It's a fun movie to see with friends, eat some popcorn, make fun of the pugly little immortal aliens, etc. There are moments in this film that are just begging to be riffed on, so it'll make a good rental down the road. If you see it in theaters, you might want to skip the 3D and save a few bucks. I think half way through the film they forgot it was supposed to be in 3D, honestly.

After the movie I overheard a guy in the bathroom say "Wasn't the Green Lantern black?" And so I, in a dazzling display of geekiness, explained to him that Hal Jordan was only one of several human lanterns in the series. He looked at me like I was crazy. Maybe it was because a random stranger was explaining comic book mythology to him, or maybe it was because I explained it in song. Who knows?

Story

8/10 - Good

Direction

4.5/10 - Poor

Writing

4/10 - Poor

Editing

5/10 - Below Average

Acting

7/10 - Average

Special Effects

7/10 - Average

Score

9/10 - Excellent

Overall

6.5/10 - Below Average

06-18-2011, 01:51 PM	#58 (permalink)
~~someonecompletelyrandom~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 4,538	Green Lantern Movie Review There was a woman giving away Redbulls at the cinema tonight. She drove a car with a giant can of Redbull on the hood. I don't think she works for Redbull, I just think she likes to kill people one free can at a time. People like me, who accept and immediately devour the entire can for no reason. And so here I am, up late and writing a note that nobody will read. Let's do this. I saw Green Lantern, the Warner Bros. produced comic book adaption for the DC universe Green Lantern series. I went into this film with low expectations. Very, very low expectations. As always, I viewed the film on two levels—how it stood as a piece of art and how much fun I had seeing it. As art, the film doesn't succeed on practically every level I look for. It was overproduced, poorly paced and hit every summer blockbuster cliche imaginable. As an experience, I genuinely enjoyed my time at the theater. It's definitely a popcorn movie, and one I didn't feel too bad about providing my own commentary on throughout. Vincent Price as Gay Satan Green Lantern essentially divides itself into two parts— the mostly CG world of Oa and the.. mostly CG world of Earth. Despite my personal dislike of CGI-laden films, I enjoyed the scenes in Oa the most. The other lantern characters didn't look believable in the slightest, but for a moment I forgot I was watching bad CGI and treated it like an animated film. On that level, it worked very well. I never got a feel for the world of Oa beyond the lantern training grounds. The city felt hollow, as we only visited four locations throughout our time there. I also felt the other lanterns weren't particularly developed. They each have a shell of a personality but we never get to know them. We were only given a taste of this world, which is a shame because this is the aspect of the film that actually interested me. Back on Earth, things weren't particularly well directed, written or acted. Ryan whathisface played a decent Hal Jordan, but nearly every other character felt like a cog in the movie-machine, there to deliver expository dialog and pick up their check. The Rocky Dennis lookalike villain had quite a bit of potential and was wonderfully acted, but ultimately fell short of that potential when Galactus, I mean Parallax, sucks his soul Mummy style just when things get interesting. The film was very derivative. I literally laughed out loud when the Fish-Lantern (I can't be bothered remembering his name) practically paraphrased Obi-Wan Kenobi. "For a thousand generations the [Green Lanterns] have been the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy. Before the dark times, before the [Parallax]." This film wasn't ashamed of it's source material, however, and I greatly admire that. It jumps right into the Green Lantern mythology and makes no excuses. Even if that means things get down right corny, I'd much rather see that than see it go the way of Halle Berry's Catwoman. I did thoroughly enjoy seeing it, however. It's a fun movie to see with friends, eat some popcorn, make fun of the pugly little immortal aliens, etc. There are moments in this film that are just begging to be riffed on, so it'll make a good rental down the road. If you see it in theaters, you might want to skip the 3D and save a few bucks. I think half way through the film they forgot it was supposed to be in 3D, honestly. After the movie I overheard a guy in the bathroom say "Wasn't the Green Lantern black?" And so I, in a dazzling display of geekiness, explained to him that Hal Jordan was only one of several human lanterns in the series. He looked at me like I was crazy. Maybe it was because a random stranger was explaining comic book mythology to him, or maybe it was because I explained it in song. Who knows? Story 8/10 - Good Direction 4.5/10 - Poor Writing 4/10 - Poor Editing 5/10 - Below Average Acting 7/10 - Average Special Effects 7/10 - Average Score 9/10 - Excellent Overall 6.5/10 - Below Average

06-11-2011, 12:36 AM	#51 (permalink)
~~someonecompletelyrandom~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 4,538	Thanks for clearing that up.

06-11-2011, 08:11 AM	#54 (permalink)
~~someonecompletelyrandom~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 4,538	I know the origin of Easter. A magic rabbit appeared to Jesus and he shat chocolate eggs. Everyone knows the Easter miracle.