Is It Better To Have Loved, And Lost? Than To Have Never Loved At All?

~~Dirty~~ · 04-13-2011, 03:12 AM

Probably better to have love and lost. Love is a great thing while you're in it. Losing it makes you not take things for granted as much.

I disagree with dj and crukster though. Love doesn't always last forever. You can have it, then lose it. Even "true" love, whatever the fuck that even means.

anal beads in the poll? always hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEVER get old!!!!!!

djchameleon · 04-13-2011, 04:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by duga

I feel heartbreak is something everyone should experience. It really teaches you a lot about yourself. Whether or not you think love is real, heartbreak sure as hell is. It's the result of having something that used to be constant and reliable in your life ripped away all of the sudden. That's when people get desperate and that's when you see how low you can really go.

As for me, however, I'm still feeling the repercussions of being in love once. I'm over the girl...I'm not even attracted to her in the slightest anymore. However, I am now incredibly guarded when I meet new people. I've dated around but it wasn't until just recently that I met someone with real potential. I didn't expect this, but that potential scares the **** out of me. Now I have this conflict in my head where on one side I want to be around her all the time...on the other side, I don't want to get stomped on again.

Human emotions are fragile things. We evolved them to help us survive (you love the things that help you live...thus being monogamous and being able to pump out a constant supply of offspring; you hate the things that hurt you etc etc). This came into conflict when we evolved self awareness and a higher intelligence. Those logical thoughts find a hard time interpreting the primal and irrational emotions we have. That's is why love is such a big topic for all of us. Is it real? Is it necessary? No one will ever know.

I honestly feel sometimes that we aren't truly capable of being monogamous that's why it's such a struggle for some people. I'm fine with sharing my love with numerous partners and being polyamourus with others but society frowns on it like it's a big no no and shuns people that feel this one. I feel like I have so much love to give that for it to go all to one person is a shame but I know that not everyone sees it that when and whenever I get in a relationship my partner never sees it that way. They are more of the monogamous type and to keep them happy I push aside these feelings and try to be monogamous because I'm in love with that person so I make that sacrifice.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dirty

Probably better to have love and lost. Love is a great thing while you're in it. Losing it makes you not take things for granted as much.

I disagree with dj and crukster though. Love doesn't always last forever. You can have it, then lose it. Even "true" love, whatever the fuck that even means.

anal beads in the poll? always hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEVER get old!!!!!!

When I speak of Love lasting forever, I mean look at those childhood sweethearts that stay together and married for years all the way into their 80s and until one of them passes away. Their love lasts forever, what you think of has love isn't even true love. It's more like lust or just the puppy love stage when love is pretty new and you think you are madly in love with a person but you aren't.

I understand what you are saying by losing it as far as falling in and out of love with someone. That happens with tons of marriages nowadays...people fall out of love with the person they are with for whatever reason and maybe fall in love with someone new while still in the currently loveless marriage.

MoonlitSunshine · 04-13-2011, 04:40 AM

I've definitely possible to love multiple people in your life; I have. There's been a lot of infatuation in there as well, but I definitely love(d) the two girls I've had long term relationships with. There's no other way to describe the feelings I had for them. Circumstances change, love can fade. It's not this thing that you'll only ever get once in your life, it's a feeling of content devotion to a person, where you will do everything you can to help them and are happy to spend the rest of your life with them. Both with my ex and my current gf, I felt and feel that way. Does that mean that I was lying to myself the first time? I certainly don't think so.

Secondly, Impossible as you may think it, I have never had sex with a woman I didn't love. That said, I've only ever had sex with two women, both of whom I've been in very long relationships with. That isn't to say that I would only have sex with a woman I love, it's simply the way that it worked out.

Thirdly, I have absolutely no problems with monogamy. I've always been a one-girl guy, there has never really been more than one girl that I wanted to get with at any one time, and now that I'm in a relationship, I feel no need to be with anyone else, or to have sex with anyone else. I'll flirt a lot, but it's never with the intention of going anywhere. I'm perfectly happy to agree that there are people out there who aren't monogamous, and I hope that they find similarly minded people so that they can have a happy life, but I don't think it's fair to say that We, as a people, are not monogamous.

djchameleon · 04-13-2011, 05:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MoonlitSunshine

Secondly, Impossible as you may think it, I have never had sex with a woman I didn't love. That said, I've only ever had sex with two women, both of whom I've been in very long relationships with. That isn't to say that I would only have sex with a woman I love, it's simply the way that it worked out.

No, I didn't say that I thought it was impossible to be in love with every woman you have sex with. When I was talking about it earlier, I didn't think that specific individual did.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MoonlitSunshine

Thirdly, I have absolutely no problems with monogamy. I've always been a one-girl guy, there has never really been more than one girl that I wanted to get with at any one time, and now that I'm in a relationship, I feel no need to be with anyone else, or to have sex with anyone else. I'll flirt a lot, but it's never with the intention of going anywhere. I'm perfectly happy to agree that there are people out there who aren't monogamous, and I hope that they find similarly minded people so that they can have a happy life, but I don't think it's fair to say that We, as a people, are not monogamous.

I'm okay with monogamy but it's kind of a because I have to. It's been pretty hard for me to find someone that wouldn't mind living an alternative lifestyle like that.

Paedantic Basterd · 04-13-2011, 12:09 PM

Love changes. It's not perpetual motion. You can love someone, and then stop doing so. It does not mean that what you felt was false or inaccurate. It's just a feeling, and no feeling is an exclusive event.

duga · 04-13-2011, 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedestrian

Duga's post is the most worthwhile one in the thread. There's nothing in it I disagree with.

Thanks! I've thought a lot about this stuff (as I'm sure a lot of people have).

Quote:

Originally Posted by djchameleon

I honestly feel sometimes that we aren't truly capable of being monogamous that's why it's such a struggle for some people. I'm fine with sharing my love with numerous partners and being polyamourus with others but society frowns on it like it's a big no no and shuns people that feel this one. I feel like I have so much love to give that for it to go all to one person is a shame but I know that not everyone sees it that when and whenever I get in a relationship my partner never sees it that way. They are more of the monogamous type and to keep them happy I push aside these feelings and try to be monogamous because I'm in love with that person so I make that sacrifice.

Polygamous relationships are a product of culture and circumstance. In some societies, they have lived in polygamous relationships for hundreds of years simply because it fit their lifestyle. In fact, some cultures have one woman to many men. This is because there are very few females, so all the males compete for the attention of just those few. However, the more these cultures are exposed to western ideas of romance, the more that lifestyle will begin to fade.

Polygamous relationships in the first world are starting to take hold simply because of our fast pace of life. This is a very new idea for us. We simply don't have as much time to devote to courting and getting to know one person. Both men and women work full time jobs. The world demands results faster and faster. Monogamy vs. polygamy has nothing to do with what humans are "meant" to be. We will simply do the thing that best suits the way we currently live, and for the past few centuries, that has been to be in a monogamous relationship.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedestrian

Love changes. It's not perpetual motion. You can love someone, and then stop doing so. It does not mean that what you felt was false or inaccurate. It's just a feeling, and no feeling is an exclusive event.

I agree with this. It's just like the human idea of happiness. For some reason, everyone thinks if we work hard enough we can get to some point where we will be forever happy. That notion causes so much stress and depression it's ridiculous. Happiness is fleeting just like love.

There is a reason couples need to do something to "put the spark back into it". They need to be reminded of the reasons they fell in love with that person in the first place. It is one thing to think of those reasons and another to feel them.

Haha...I think everyone can tell the things that have been on my mind recently.

~~Odyshape~~ · 04-13-2011, 06:04 PM

too hard not to pick anal beads

s_k · 04-14-2011, 02:14 AM

Yeah, tough innit?

crash_override · 04-14-2011, 02:41 AM

Love is an investment, and like any investment. Your partner can wake up one morning and say f*ck it, I'm done. In which case you've just devoted the best years of your life to something that essentially equates to nothing. I'm sure the potential for reward is high as well, but the thought of possibly losing everything is kind of frightening. I guess it really depends on how much you're willing to risk...

s_k · 04-14-2011, 07:16 AM

Well as pessimistic as I may be, I try to see the positive in a relationship.
Doesn't mean I start anything with someone I don't have faith in.
It has to have a reasonable chance of working out

View Poll Results: Is it better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all?
Yes	25	44.64%
No	10	17.86%
Who cares?	7	12.50%
anal beads	14	25.00%
Voters: 56. You may not vote on this poll

04-13-2011, 04:40 AM	#43 (permalink)
MoonlitSunshine Dat's Der Bunny! Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Ireland Posts: 1,088	I've definitely possible to love multiple people in your life; I have. There's been a lot of infatuation in there as well, but I definitely love(d) the two girls I've had long term relationships with. There's no other way to describe the feelings I had for them. Circumstances change, love can fade. It's not this thing that you'll only ever get once in your life, it's a feeling of content devotion to a person, where you will do everything you can to help them and are happy to spend the rest of your life with them. Both with my ex and my current gf, I felt and feel that way. Does that mean that I was lying to myself the first time? I certainly don't think so. Secondly, Impossible as you may think it, I have never had sex with a woman I didn't love. That said, I've only ever had sex with two women, both of whom I've been in very long relationships with. That isn't to say that I would only have sex with a woman I love, it's simply the way that it worked out. Thirdly, I have absolutely no problems with monogamy. I've always been a one-girl guy, there has never really been more than one girl that I wanted to get with at any one time, and now that I'm in a relationship, I feel no need to be with anyone else, or to have sex with anyone else. I'll flirt a lot, but it's never with the intention of going anywhere. I'm perfectly happy to agree that there are people out there who aren't monogamous, and I hope that they find similarly minded people so that they can have a happy life, but I don't think it's fair to say that We, as a people, are not monogamous. __________________ "I found it eventually, at the bottom of a locker in a disused laboratory, with a sign on the door saying "Beware of the Leopard". Ever thought of going into Advertising?" - Arthur Dent

04-14-2011, 02:14 AM	#48 (permalink)
s_k Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 2,206	Yeah, tough innit? __________________ Click here to see my collection

04-14-2011, 07:16 AM	#50 (permalink)
s_k Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 2,206	Well as pessimistic as I may be, I try to see the positive in a relationship. Doesn't mean I start anything with someone I don't have faith in. It has to have a reasonable chance of working out __________________ Click here to see my collection

04-13-2011, 03:12 AM	#41 (permalink)
~~Dirty~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: USA Posts: 981	Probably better to have love and lost. Love is a great thing while you're in it. Losing it makes you not take things for granted as much. I disagree with dj and crukster though. Love doesn't always last forever. You can have it, then lose it. Even "true" love, whatever the fuck that even means. anal beads in the poll? always hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEVER get old!!!!!!

04-13-2011, 12:09 PM	#45 (permalink)
Paedantic Basterd Music Addict Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 5,184	Love changes. It's not perpetual motion. You can love someone, and then stop doing so. It does not mean that what you felt was false or inaccurate. It's just a feeling, and no feeling is an exclusive event.

04-13-2011, 06:04 PM	#47 (permalink)
~~Odyshape~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 526	too hard not to pick anal beads