The Rest in Peace Thread (RIP)

[Psy-Fi]

Originally Posted by OccultHawk

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/...le-deaths.html

This pretty wild. It’s like damn... I hardly even remember that for so many

I recognized 85 names on that list. The rest were unknown to me.

I didn't know Norma Tanega died this year. She was listed as "One-hit wonder."

Norma Tanega - You're Dead

[Frownland]

Damn, that one passed me by as well (or maybe I forgot; I had forgotten that Tony Allen died this year until I perused the article). I wore the **** out of Walkin My Cat Named Dog last summer. RIP

[Marie Monday]

^I'm giving it a listen now, that's a gorgeous record. rip

[Trollheart]

OH, I've only now just read your experiences growing up. I would like to add my sorrow for what you went through, tell you you've come through it a better person, and, if you don't mind, tell you of mine, which were not as bad but still harrowing.

I get the impression (I may be wrong) that your father was a bully and people could see it? Big man? Tough, hard drinkin', maybe military? One of the lads? Awful. ****ing awful thing to go through. However mine was the opposite. A skinny, weedy, non-drinker who found fault with everything, someone who could smile at you as he cut your throat, figuratively. A small, petty man who had always to be right and who abused my two sisters (a fact we only found out much much later) and gave my mother a terrible time. The kind of hypocritical bastard who could, literally, be strangling mam in the bedroom, hear a ring at the doorbell and trot down the stairs ****ING WHISTLING, have a calm conversation with whoever was at the door, go back upstairs and beat her again.

Pointless to say which is worse: there's no need for comparisons, but I just wanted you to know you have someone here who understands a little of what you went through, and if I gained anything from my father it was to live my life in exactly the opposite way to how he did; if ever I feel I'm becoming like him or doing something he would do, I reverse course immediately.

He eventually ****ed off and we were so much happier, like a cloud had been lifted. Mam had to work three jobs to support us (and we were mostly ungrateful bastards, but that's Irish boys for you) but she passed almost 30 years ago, he only did us all the courtesy of getting the **** off this planet about two or three years ago. Nobody missed him. Nobody. In the world. I believe his funeral was the tiniest ever, and he only has himself to blame for that.

So stay strong. You came through it, and as long as your father didn't twist up your worldview or cause you to carry on his dark legacy, you'll be all right. If you ever need to talk, hit me up.

Be well. And safe.

[OccultHawk]

Preciate it. Kind of surprised how much compassion that generated.

You came through it, and as long as your father didn't twist up your worldview or cause you to carry on his dark legacy, you'll be all right.

Just glad I didn’t have kids because I’m a big **** up, too. I never hit a woman or any **** like that but I’m negligent. I’ve heard that might be the worst of all for kids. Fortunately, you have to make them to destroy them and I kept a rubber on my dick without even being asked (one fetal hawk aborted actually)

abused my two sisters

Yeah. I get that is so bad and for you too. My memories of my mom getting beat up are way worse than my memories of me getting beat up. I know you’ve had it hard.

To quote Nas

Life’s a bitch and then you die
That’s why we get high

[OccultHawk]

[Marie Monday]

@Trollheart: Goddamn, that is absolutely horrible. I have the deepest admiration for anyone who can turn parental abuse around and be the opposite themselves.

Edit @Hawk: I think serious abuse is worse than negligence. I think you're right that family members being abused is as bad as being abused yourself. I have not been a victim of abuse, but family members have, and the fact that it wasn't me didn't make it any less bad.

[Trollheart]

Originally Posted by OccultHawk

Preciate it. Kind of surprised how much compassion that generated.

Not sure why you would be. People here are human after all. Other than me, of course. You know those captcha things where they say "I'm not a robot"? I'm always conflicted clicking them. I mean, isn't it a bit racist? What if you ARE a robot??

Just glad I didn’t have kids because I’m a big **** up, too. I never hit a woman or any **** like that but I’m negligent. I’ve heard that might be the worst of all for kids. Fortunately, you have to make them to destroy them and I kept a rubber on my dick without even being asked (one fetal hawk aborted actually)

I reckon a lot of families have negligent fathers - and mothers - people are just so busy and tied up in their own selves now. But I think as long as it doesn't become dangerous or criminal negligence - such as forgetting to feed your kids, leaving them alone while you go out to the casino, having strange men or women over while they're there, basically putting them in danger - it's nowhere near as bad as being actually violent/abusive to them. It's not great, but I think it's maybe a little more understandable, if not acceptable.

I mean, which would you rather have? "My parents don't seem to care about me, they keep ignoring me" or "My parents beat me up and abuse me"???

Yeah. I get that is so bad and for you too. My memories of my mom getting beat up are way worse than my memories of me getting beat up. I know you’ve had it hard.

To quote Nas

Life’s a bitch and then you die
That’s why we get high

well in fairness they've had it hard, not me. I was, as I said, a selfish git when younger so though I saw what went on I didn't do anything about it. My other sister has made a good life for herself: a loving husband of about forty years now, five children, five grandchildren. Karen of course had no opportunity to have a family, but she's surviving.

Originally Posted by Marie Monday

@Trollheart: Goddamn, that is absolutely horrible. I have the deepest admiration for anyone who can turn parental abuse around and be the opposite themselves.

Edit @Hawk: I think serious abuse is worse than negligence. I think you're right that family members being abused is as bad as being abused yourself. I have not been a victim of abuse, but family members have, and the fact that it wasn't me didn't make it any less bad.

Thanks Marie. If I learned one thing from my useless ****stain of a father it was never to be like him, so I suppose in a twisted way I owe the person I am today to him.

[OccultHawk]

Originally Posted by Marie Monday

Edit @Hawk: I think serious abuse is worse than negligence. I think you're right that family members being abused is as bad as being abused yourself. I have not been a victim of abuse, but family members have, and the fact that it wasn't me didn't make it any less bad.

Ftw - seriously

.I mean, which would you rather have? "My parents don't seem to care about me, they keep ignoring me" or "My parents beat me up and abuse me"???

It might seem obvious but idk. I only lived through one. Neglect is ****ing horrible. Not having anyone in the world who loves you is horrible. I knew some really neglected kids when I was a teacher and I never felt like I had it even worse. It’s not really a point I’d like to see dissolve into an argument and I’m not saying anyone is taking it there. But I am saying that the absolute agony of being neglected and the lifelong baggage that comes with it shouldn’t be underestimated. It’s devastating.

Forgotten eyes are the ones which we lose
Forgotten hands are the ones which we choose
To let go of, but it is no less a bruise
On the collective arm keeping us high and gone
Forgotten dance is the one left at birth
Forgotten plants in the fossils of earth
And they've long passed but they are no less the dirt
Of the common soil keeping us dry and warm
The wound has no direction
Everybody needs a home and deserves protection, hmm-mm
Hollow-eyed on Eddie street no sirens to hear
Just trash and soiled needles clawing the veneer
And no crying but it is no less a tear
On the common cheek with which we smile
Hollow-eyed on Eddie, is it they or is it I
Is it me who is more hollow as I'm quickly passing by?
And the poison is killing them, but then so am I
As I turn away
The wound has no direction
Everybody needs a home and deserves protection, hmm mm
Forgotten tongue is the language of love
Forgotten tongue is the language of love
Forgotten tongue is the language of love
Forgotten tongue

[Trollheart]

Yeah I guess you're right. Both are terrible, and neither should happen. Neglect can be a terrible thing. I suppose it's to what level does it happen that ends up affecting a kid or not.