I need some social skills help...

GeddyBass2112 · 03-20-2011, 06:31 PM

Dunno if there's a thread for this thing, but I did look. Here goes...

Anyway, I'm 22, female and my major problem is that I find it hard to relate to anyone my own age, or make friends.

I'm honestly trying not to sound arrogant here, but the girls I've come across my own age are vacuous idiots who aren't interested in anything of remote depth. I also don't hold most of the same interests as most (if not all) girls my age either, meaning I can't relate to them even on a shared-interests basis. I don't go to clubs, I'm not interested in make-up or clothes that much, I'm not into celebrities or TV or any 'popular' films one bit.

The whole thing though has left me pretty much friendless all my life and now is making me more and more depressed as time goes on. What has not helped is that I only recently returned here after spending some 5 years away in another part of the country, and this is a small place, where everyone seems to know everyone else. Most of the people I once knew have moved on and have kids, their own lives.

I really don't know what to do. I've tried going to different activities and classes and trying to talk to people, but I'm hitting these problems time and time again. It's hitting my mood big-time and it's not helping my depression one bit.

I'd appreciate some advice 'cause at the moment I really have no idea what to do.

~~[MERIT]~~ · 03-20-2011, 06:37 PM

It sounds to me that you might be more comfortable with more mature people, possibly ones who are older than yourself. I know you can only base your opinions on your own personal experiences, but try not to group all people your age into the category you have described. Having the internet at your disposal is a good way to hone your verbal skills, but lacks in comparison to human-to-human contact. I'd suggest maybe doing some volunteer work or possibly joining a sports league. Go to some concerts of bands that you like, you're more likely to meet people of your liking if you already have some tastes in common.

GeddyBass2112 · 03-20-2011, 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oojay

It sounds to me that you might be more comfortable with more mature people, possibly ones who are older than yourself. I know you can only base your opinions on your own personal experiences, but try not to group all people your age into the category you have described. Having the internet at your disposal is a good way to hone your verbal skills, but lacks in comparison to human-to-human contact. I'd suggest maybe doing some volunteer work or possibly joining a sports league. Go to some concerts of bands that you like, you're more likely to meet people of your liking if you already have some tastes in common.

My major problem is that I already have friends who are older/more mature, but it's a huge concern to me that I cannot relate to people my own age.

I already do a volunteer placement and I've been having huge amounts of issues with some people because of this inability to relate to them in anyway, both socially and mentally. I'm among the only uni graduates there, I'm not a first-language English speaker which doesn't help and generally I just don't think or act in the same way they do.

~~Sansa Stark~~ · 03-20-2011, 07:04 PM

Why is it such a huge concern?

~~[MERIT]~~ · 03-20-2011, 07:04 PM

If I'm understanding this correctly, your goal is to be able to relate more to people in your own age group or social circle, NOT to be able to find other that you can relate to (regardless of age).

I feel that if others cannot relate to you, the onus should not be on you to change yourself to accomodate them.

But I do realize that everyone wants to fit in and have pleasant and enjoyable social experiences. What seems to be the problem, specifically? Is it that you don't have things in common (music, films, interests, etc), or is it the inability to communicate those like interests? Every social group, regardless of age or location, is going to have the airheads and brain-dead morons, that's a given. But according the law of averages, there should be some people with genuine intellects which may appeal to you, it may just take some digging to pry it out of them.

s_k · 03-20-2011, 07:13 PM

Often people who share your interests, will share parts of your character.
Find people with hobbies or interests you like too, it really works.
Go... Join a forum or something

.

GeddyBass2112 · 03-20-2011, 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oojay

If I'm understanding this correctly, your goal is to be able to relate more to people in your own age group or social circle, NOT to be able to find other that you can relate to (regardless of age).

I feel that if others cannot relate to you, the onus should not be on you to change yourself to accomodate them.

But I do realize that everyone wants to fit in and have pleasant and enjoyable social experiences. What seems to be the problem, specifically? Is it that you don't have things in common (music, films, interests, etc), or is it the inability to communicate those like interests? Every social group, regardless of age or location, is going to have the airheads and brain-dead morons, that's a given. But according the law of averages, there should be some people with genuine intellects which may appeal to you, it may just take some digging to pry it out of them.

The problem is that it just seems that I have nothing AT ALL in common with anyone I've met my age, both with the actual interests themselves and also the way these people think. As I said, most girls to me seem to be superficial- they're interested in their clothes or hair or whatever, yet show little ability to show interest in anything else.

@Plum: It's a problem because at the moment I look like a pretentious asshat and as a result, people my age think I'm snobby.

Thom Yorke · 03-20-2011, 07:19 PM

It's sounds like you're getting hung up on the social norm of having to have friends that are your own age. If you don't really want to be friends with people your own age that go clubbing, etc. then you shouldn't try to. If I'm wrong then tell me, but it sounds like you want to make friends your own age just for the sake of having friends your own age, even if they don't share the same interests as you, which I don't think is the right way to go about it.

If you're trying to meet people your own age that SHARE the same interests as you, I'd agree with oojay's first post.

P A N · 03-20-2011, 07:29 PM

i think if you just be yourself, and be really happy that you are blessed with Life (like, let the feeling of Life As Gift course through you), then REAL friends will be provided for you courtesy of the Universe. sounds crazy, but it works for me, and i used to feel just like you. real friends don't give a flying f*ck if you are anything like them at all. they just love you because you are you.

those vacuous idiots you mentioned are very real. they need help too. so if you want to be their friends, be prepared to be patient and to lead by example.

~~[MERIT]~~ · 03-20-2011, 07:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zevokes

i think if you just be yourself, and be really happy that you are blessed with Life (like, let the feeling of Life As Gift course through you), then REAL friends will be provided for you courtesy of the Universe. sounds crazy, but it works for me, and i used to feel just like you. real friends don't give a flying f*ck if you are anything like them at all. they just love you because you are you.

those vacuous idiots you mentioned are very real. they need help too. so if you want to be their friends, be prepared to be patient and to lead by example.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pronoia_(psychology)

03-20-2011, 06:31 PM	#1 (permalink)
GeddyBass2112 Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, UK Posts: 165	I need some social skills help... Dunno if there's a thread for this thing, but I did look. Here goes... Anyway, I'm 22, female and my major problem is that I find it hard to relate to anyone my own age, or make friends. I'm honestly trying not to sound arrogant here, but the girls I've come across my own age are vacuous idiots who aren't interested in anything of remote depth. I also don't hold most of the same interests as most (if not all) girls my age either, meaning I can't relate to them even on a shared-interests basis. I don't go to clubs, I'm not interested in make-up or clothes that much, I'm not into celebrities or TV or any 'popular' films one bit. The whole thing though has left me pretty much friendless all my life and now is making me more and more depressed as time goes on. What has not helped is that I only recently returned here after spending some 5 years away in another part of the country, and this is a small place, where everyone seems to know everyone else. Most of the people I once knew have moved on and have kids, their own lives. I really don't know what to do. I've tried going to different activities and classes and trying to talk to people, but I'm hitting these problems time and time again. It's hitting my mood big-time and it's not helping my depression one bit. I'd appreciate some advice 'cause at the moment I really have no idea what to do.

03-20-2011, 07:13 PM	#6 (permalink)
s_k Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 2,206	Often people who share your interests, will share parts of your character. Find people with hobbies or interests you like too, it really works. Go... Join a forum or something . __________________ Click here to see my collection

03-20-2011, 06:37 PM	#2 (permalink)
~~[MERIT]~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Missouri, USA Posts: 4,814	It sounds to me that you might be more comfortable with more mature people, possibly ones who are older than yourself. I know you can only base your opinions on your own personal experiences, but try not to group all people your age into the category you have described. Having the internet at your disposal is a good way to hone your verbal skills, but lacks in comparison to human-to-human contact. I'd suggest maybe doing some volunteer work or possibly joining a sports league. Go to some concerts of bands that you like, you're more likely to meet people of your liking if you already have some tastes in common.

03-20-2011, 07:04 PM	#4 (permalink)
~~Sansa Stark~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: The Eyrie, Vale of Arryn, Westeros Posts: 3,234	Why is it such a huge concern?

03-20-2011, 07:04 PM	#5 (permalink)
~~[MERIT]~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Missouri, USA Posts: 4,814	If I'm understanding this correctly, your goal is to be able to relate more to people in your own age group or social circle, NOT to be able to find other that you can relate to (regardless of age). I feel that if others cannot relate to you, the onus should not be on you to change yourself to accomodate them. But I do realize that everyone wants to fit in and have pleasant and enjoyable social experiences. What seems to be the problem, specifically? Is it that you don't have things in common (music, films, interests, etc), or is it the inability to communicate those like interests? Every social group, regardless of age or location, is going to have the airheads and brain-dead morons, that's a given. But according the law of averages, there should be some people with genuine intellects which may appeal to you, it may just take some digging to pry it out of them.

03-20-2011, 07:19 PM	#8 (permalink)
Thom Yorke Music Addict Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 1,848	It's sounds like you're getting hung up on the social norm of having to have friends that are your own age. If you don't really want to be friends with people your own age that go clubbing, etc. then you shouldn't try to. If I'm wrong then tell me, but it sounds like you want to make friends your own age just for the sake of having friends your own age, even if they don't share the same interests as you, which I don't think is the right way to go about it. If you're trying to meet people your own age that SHARE the same interests as you, I'd agree with oojay's first post.

03-20-2011, 07:29 PM	#9 (permalink)
P A N DO LIKE YOU. Join Date: Feb 2010 Posts: 629	i think if you just be yourself, and be really happy that you are blessed with Life (like, let the feeling of Life As Gift course through you), then REAL friends will be provided for you courtesy of the Universe. sounds crazy, but it works for me, and i used to feel just like you. real friends don't give a flying f*ck if you are anything like them at all. they just love you because you are you. those vacuous idiots you mentioned are very real. they need help too. so if you want to be their friends, be prepared to be patient and to lead by example.