I need some social skills help...

**Scarlett O'Hara** · 03-20-2011, 10:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeddyBass2112

Dunno if there's a thread for this thing, but I did look. Here goes...

Anyway, I'm 22, female and my major problem is that I find it hard to relate to anyone my own age, or make friends.

I'm honestly trying not to sound arrogant here, but the girls I've come across my own age are vacuous idiots who aren't interested in anything of remote depth. I also don't hold most of the same interests as most (if not all) girls my age either, meaning I can't relate to them even on a shared-interests basis. I don't go to clubs, I'm not interested in make-up or clothes that much, I'm not into celebrities or TV or any 'popular' films one bit.

The whole thing though has left me pretty much friendless all my life and now is making me more and more depressed as time goes on. What has not helped is that I only recently returned here after spending some 5 years away in another part of the country, and this is a small place, where everyone seems to know everyone else. Most of the people I once knew have moved on and have kids, their own lives.

I really don't know what to do. I've tried going to different activities and classes and trying to talk to people, but I'm hitting these problems time and time again. It's hitting my mood big-time and it's not helping my depression one bit.

I'd appreciate some advice 'cause at the moment I really have no idea what to do.

I can somewhat relate. For a long time I was very tomboyish but thanks to my excellent social skills I can befriend anyone with any type of interests. Obviously for most people it's not that easy. You want someone you can connect with on a deeper level and I'm looking for that myself right now. Most of my friends are club crazy, boy crazy and listen to crap music. I've really grown past that - hate clubs, hate men (jokes but I am not obsessed with getting a guy or even interested at all right now), and listen to music beyond the so called normal crap.

I just moved cities and the place I'm staying is a tiny piece of ass town which is over an hour away from everything decent. But it's only temporary and I have the luxury of making new friends in the manner I want to, not the ones I had from school.

My advice for you is fine someone musically compatible with you. Whether it be a drum lesson, a band at the local pub or someone who's interested in collecting music. I'm saying this on the basis that you're a music elitist like us.

crukster · 03-20-2011, 11:46 PM

**** friends who needs em

Good friends are like looking for a lego block you need. You only find them when you stop looking for them.

If you want some advice from my experience, if you wanna get along with people better, just pull back a bit. Don't hold them to the same standards you hold yourself, just you do your thing, they do their thing. Cos generally speaking, most people have ****ty standards. Then again I'd call that getting along, I wouldn't really call that friends. It's just that a few people might surprise you by not being complete ****s.

But personally I'm in the same situation you are. Had no solid friends since I left school. To be honest I don't really care anymore, I learnt to be my own friend.

GeddyBass2112 · 03-21-2011, 04:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dirty

The problem is that you have these ideas that these other girls and peers are idiots. You don't know them, you're just making this assumption off of the clothes they wear, their interests, etc. Of course there are morons everywhere but I feel like you might be kinda of looking for an excuse to NOT get along with these people. Know what I'm sayin? Maybe instead of looking for reasons to be friends you are looking for reasons to not be friends.

It's not for want of trying that I've not got along with people. It just seems that all a lot of people my age want is instant pleasure. They don't want to think of anything beyond the next 5min, and they certainly don't appreciate anything outside their own narrow little mindset, and certainly not anything that I would enjoy.

I've had friends with VERY differing interests to my own, and the main thing was that we could respect, appreciate and consider each other's opinions and ideas. We could actually have something approaching a conversation, and this is why we got on so well together.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Freebase Dali

Why is this a bad thing?
If you ask me, I wish there were more girls like you. I think you should see this as a sign of evolution, and enjoy your position on the top of the social-intellectual chain. It may net you quite a lonely existence, and nerdy boyfriends (Me!!! Please?), but you'll be far more fulfilled even at the prospect of connecting with someone on your level, than dumbing yourself down for the sake of a connection that really doesn't mean anything to you.

I think you should worry less about you not relating to most other chicks, and more about them not relating to you.

It matters because the people who are close to me (mostly family) are really beginning to question my mind and whether I'm actually 'all there' or whether I have some serious emotional/mental disability.

Also, I love you!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by holly984

Try not to worry about what people your age think. I know it's easier said than done, but who cares if they think you are pretentious. Why does their opinion matter anyway.

If there are older people with who you enjoy spending time with, don't let the opinions of others, who clearly don't have your best interests at heart, dictate whether or not you find friendship...no matter the age.

Sometimes I think I'm a 52-yr old guy in a 22-yr old girl's body...

Freebase Dali · 03-21-2011, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeddyBass2112

It matters because the people who are close to me (mostly family) are really beginning to question my mind and whether I'm actually 'all there' or whether I have some serious emotional/mental disability.

Also, I love you!!!

Unless you're giving them some kind of glaring reason for their alarm, you should be able to simply let them know what's going on, and if they're worth being close to, they should understand and respect your position. At the very least, they should try.

03-20-2011, 11:46 PM	#22 (permalink)
crukster Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 181	** friends who needs em Good friends are like looking for a lego block you need. You only find them when you stop looking for them. If you want some advice from my experience, if you wanna get along with people better, just pull back a bit. Don't hold them to the same standards you hold yourself, just you do your thing, they do their thing. Cos generally speaking, most people have ty standards. Then again I'd call that getting along, I wouldn't really call that friends. It's just that a few people might surprise you by not being complete **s. But personally I'm in the same situation you are. Had no solid friends since I left school. To be honest I don't really care anymore, I learnt to be my own friend.