Why Friends Don't Support Friends

tonyytoniitonee · 11-11-2010, 01:11 AM

A friend and I were talking a few days ago. We live in the suburbs outside fo LA, not necessarily a hot bed for creative talent. I rap, He's into film, and we're both trying to get our "careers" off the ground. During our talk we started wondering, why is it that people support these stars who they've never met, but they can't support the guy who they grow up with? It seems that, the more you know about a person, the less interested you are by them. Maybe we're fascinated by what we don't know. So what do you guys think? Is what I'm saying true? Why can't we captivate our friends the way these stars can?

~~Sansa Stark~~ · 11-11-2010, 01:41 AM

because it could ruin the friendship

/thread

~~Dirty~~ · 11-11-2010, 02:01 AM

Jealousy, competition, stuff like that.. Everyone wants to be a little better than their friends. Some of my best friends have probably never even listened to my rap songs, which is pretty pathetic, but I'd rather have it like that as opposed to all my friends blindly loving everything I do. When people say I got skills, I know they mean it. Cause I know a lot of people out there making music (other rappers) who sounds like garbage with no lyrics or flow and their buddies will be all over them after every song.

**Janszoon** · 11-11-2010, 06:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tonyytoniitonee

Why can't we captivate our friends the way these stars can?

Because it's easier to appreciate art when you can separate it from the artist.

**Scarlett O'Hara** · 11-11-2010, 07:17 AM

Because you're not putting out bb!

tonyytoniitonee · 11-12-2010, 03:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janszoon

Because it's easier to appreciate art when you can separate it from the artist.

this just blew my mind. haha, that's so true. so true man. so what do you suggest, as an artist trying to grow their fan base, we forget the people we know and go after those who don't know us? If our friends become fans, then that's just icing on top

tonyytoniitonee · 11-12-2010, 03:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vanilla

Because you're not putting out bb!

what do you mean by "bb?"

VEGANGELICA · 11-12-2010, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vanilla

Because you're not putting out bb!

At first, knowing Vanilla even as little as I do, I thought she meant butts and boobs. But now I think she means bitches and brews!

Quote:

Originally Posted by tonyytoniitonee

why is it that people support these stars who they've never met, but they can't support the guy who they grow up with? It seems that, the more you know about a person, the less interested you are by them. Maybe we're fascinated by what we don't know. So what do you guys think? Is what I'm saying true? Why can't we captivate our friends the way these stars can?

I think you are right that we're sometimes more fascinated with people we don't know well. Also, it may be that when you know a creative person well, you may get to see the slow process of creating, the wrong notes, the weird chords, rather than just the slick end result. So, it is easier not to be in awe of their creations.

I think a big factor may just be the influence of peer pressure, a group mentality: if you hear that someone else appreciates someone (an artist, a movie-maker), then you may be more likely to appreciate the art than if it were being created by an unknown, Joe Blow, who lives right next to you and scratches his rump as he takes out the trash.

In other words, fame makes a person even more famous, which makes her or him more famous still as people are affected by other people's appreciation of the artist.

A perfect example of this is when some great violinist plays in a subway after having just performed in a huge theater for which tickets were extravagantly expensive. Do people stop and appreciate his skill? Do they give him quarters? No. They walk by one of the best violinists in the world, completely ignoring him and not really appreciating the music (apparently).

Here's the video of Joshua Bell not being noticed as he performs in a D.C. subway. He was ignored except by one person who recognized him:

I am not sure if it is universally true that friends aren't supportive, though. But I can think of one other reason friends may not be as supportive or appreciative of your creative endeavors. They really may just dislike what you are creating. And I do think people may be more likely to be critical of something...or someone...they know well.

For example, my parents are, well, shall I say, "underwhelmed" by anything musical that I do. My dad says my music is abominable. He can hardly stand to listen to it without deriding the distorted guitar. My mom says my lyrics are nice but I should "consult with someone" to make the music "prettier."

So, I have to accept that my parents and I have different tastes and they will never be my #1 fans! In a way this is good, though, because I have had to ask myself why I want their approval and support anyway. It is probably healthier for me if I don't wish for their support, because then I take responsibility for whether I like what I do or not regardless what any other person in the world thinks.

I disagree with Janszoon that people often appreciate art more when it is separated from the artist. If I like some art, I like to try to figure out more about the person who made it so that I can link the art back to the artist and realize they are one.

The Fascinating Turnip · 11-12-2010, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA

At first, knowing Vanilla even as little as I do, I thought she meant butts and boobs. But now I think she means bitches and brews!

I think you are right that we're sometimes more fascinated with people we don't know well. Also, it may be that when you know a creative person well, you may get to see the slow process of creating, the wrong notes, the weird chords, rather than just the slick end result. So, it is easier not to be in awe of their creations.

I think a big factor may just be the influence of peer pressure, a group mentality: if you hear that someone else appreciates someone (an artist, a movie-maker), then you may be more likely to appreciate the art than if it were being created by an unknown, Joe Blow, who lives right next to you and scratches his rump as he takes out the trash.

In other words, fame makes a person even more famous, which makes her or him more famous still as people are affected by other people's appreciation of the artist.

A perfect example of this is when some great violinist plays in a subway after having just performed in a huge theater for which tickets were extravagantly expensive. Do people stop and appreciate his skill? Do they give him quarters? No. They walk by one of the best violinists in the world, completely ignoring him and not really appreciating the music (apparently).

Here's the video of Joshua Bell not being noticed as he performs in a D.C. subway. He was ignored except by one person who recognized him:

I am not sure if it is universally true that friends aren't supportive, though. But I can think of one other reason friends may not be as supportive or appreciative of your creative endeavors. They really may just dislike what you are creating. And I do think people may be more likely to be critical of something...or someone...they know well.

For example, my parents are, well, shall I say, "underwhelmed" by anything musical that I do. My dad says my music is abominable. He can hardly stand to listen to it without deriding the distorted guitar. My mom says my lyrics are nice but I should "consult with someone" to make the music "prettier."

So, I have to accept that my parents and I have different tastes and they will never be my #1 fans! In a way this is good, though, because I have had to ask myself why I want their approval and support anyway. It is probably healthier for me if I don't wish for their support, because then I take responsibility for whether I like what I do or not regardless what any other person in the world thinks.

I disagree with Janszoon that people often appreciate art more when it is separated from the artist. If I like some art, I like to try to figure out more about the person who made it so that I can link the art back to the artist and realize they are one.

But then you won't be searching for a human being, like your friends and neighbours. You'll be delving into the world of a mythical entity of some sort, something above all that's human.

VEGANGELICA · 11-12-2010, 01:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unchained Ballad

But then you won't be searching for a human being, like your friends and neighbours. You'll be delving into the world of a mythical entity of some sort, something above all that's human.

Well, say someone is dead, like Vivaldi. I can still enjoy learning about him as a person to understand more about his inspirations and thoughts behind his music, very much wishing I could search for the human being he no longer is. But learning about him from a distance is all I can do, since he's dead.

For me, learning about a musician isn't an attempt to create a mythical entity but to find the human under the hype.

And I very much like to learn about living musicians...people who are friends or acquaintances...and see how their lives influence their music. That's why I'm one of the biggest fans, if not the biggest, of the Songwriter Section here on MB. I always try to encourage musicians I know, especially when their music moves me.

Whether a person is famous (yet) or not makes no difference to me, UB.

11-11-2010, 01:11 AM	#1 (permalink)
tonyytoniitonee Groupie Join Date: Nov 2010 Posts: 19	Why Friends Don't Support Friends A friend and I were talking a few days ago. We live in the suburbs outside fo LA, not necessarily a hot bed for creative talent. I rap, He's into film, and we're both trying to get our "careers" off the ground. During our talk we started wondering, why is it that people support these stars who they've never met, but they can't support the guy who they grow up with? It seems that, the more you know about a person, the less interested you are by them. Maybe we're fascinated by what we don't know. So what do you guys think? Is what I'm saying true? Why can't we captivate our friends the way these stars can? __________________ DreamChasers

11-11-2010, 07:17 AM	#5 (permalink)
Scarlett O'Hara Make it so Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 6,181	Because you're not putting out bb! __________________ "Elph is truly an enfant terrible of the forum, bless and curse him" - Marie, Queen of Thots

11-11-2010, 01:41 AM	#2 (permalink)
~~Sansa Stark~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: The Eyrie, Vale of Arryn, Westeros Posts: 3,234	because it could ruin the friendship /thread

11-11-2010, 02:01 AM	#3 (permalink)
~~Dirty~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: USA Posts: 981	Jealousy, competition, stuff like that.. Everyone wants to be a little better than their friends. Some of my best friends have probably never even listened to my rap songs, which is pretty pathetic, but I'd rather have it like that as opposed to all my friends blindly loving everything I do. When people say I got skills, I know they mean it. Cause I know a lot of people out there making music (other rappers) who sounds like garbage with no lyrics or flow and their buddies will be all over them after every song.