The Confessional Thread

[ribbons]

Originally Posted by rubber soul

You may want to consider getting a restraining order. Do you fear for your safety?

I had to do that twice during the divorce process. No, I absolutely do not fear for my safety now. I probably would fear more if I permanently blocked or cut him off.

Anyway, appreciate the advice. Leaving the house in 15 mins to go get some fresh air and my booster shot.

[Scarlett O'Hara]

Originally Posted by ribbons

Feeling anxious as my ex-husband has been leaving voicemails saying he's breaking up with his girlfriend and moving to a new apartment and wants to talk. We rarely talk and this only happens when he's in between relationships. I wish he wanted to talk to his own children more than once or twice a year. He's very narcissistic and it triggers me when I hear from him. Last time he started contacting me (again, during a breakup) he insinuated he would like to reconcile (a completely crazy notion given our history and his non-involvement with our children) but I gingerly changed the topic and he started showing his temper to me. Anyway, I may or may not call back this weekend (else his messages will become more hostile) but just the thought of it is making my hands shake as I type this.

Ribbons, let me just say, I have been with a man like this also. We were together for a few years and he was verbally and emotionally abusive. He was also a narcissist. He would hack my phone to find out who I've been texting and track me via GPS on Viber. It took many years for me to recover after I broke it off with him, therapy being one of them.

I completely understand how uncomfortable it is trying to keep them at an arms length. If you ever want to talk about this with me, please PM. Even just as someone to be your sounding board. Narcissists like to gaslight you into responding to their rhetoric. *hugs*

[Marie Monday]

Oh hell, I'm sorry you both have (had) to deal with that. Take care and don't strain yourself too much, ribbons

[rostasi]

Tell him that he can stay on the bus, and forget about “us.”
Just don’t tie yourself around an old oak tree.

[ribbons]

Originally Posted by Celladorina

Ribbons, let me just say, I have been with a man like this also. We were together for a few years and he was verbally and emotionally abusive. He was also a narcissist. He would hack my phone to find out who I've been texting and track me via GPS on Viber. It took many years for me to recover after I broke it off with him, therapy being one of them.

I completely understand how uncomfortable it is trying to keep them at an arms length. If you ever want to talk about this with me, please PM. Even just as someone to be your sounding board. Narcissists like to gaslight you into responding to their rhetoric. *hugs*

Cella, just want to say - it's so great to see you again! Welcome back to MB. I'm so sorry that you were in a similar situation and I'm relieved to know that you were able to disentangle and disengage from it, as difficult as that was - and believe me, I know what a toll that must have taken on you. Yes, gaslighting and then "hoovering" is what it's all about with narcissists.

Thanks so much for your support and I may just take you up on your offer of lending an ear, as I really value your opinions. *Hugs* back!

[ribbons]

Originally Posted by Marie Monday

Oh hell, I'm sorry you both have (had) to deal with that. Take care and don't strain yourself too much, ribbons

Thank you so much, Marie - for always being there, and for being your usual wonderful self.

[ribbons]

Originally Posted by rostasi

Tell him that he can stay on the bus, and forget about “us.”
Just don’t tie yourself around an old oak tree.

And "put the blame on me"? He's good at doing that.

Thanks!

[Plankton]

My daughters mother was very abusive, verbally, and physically, so I had to separate myself from the equation completely to keep her from using our daughter as a tool against me. One of the hardest yet best decisions I had ever made concerning that mess. Many years later, after she had no one to target and disappeared, she had some sort of epiphany and apologized for everything she'd done to both Hanna and myself.

I hope you can find some comfort in the people around you and eventually get some sort of closure ribs. You don't deserve that kind of abuse. No one does.

[Psy-Fi]

The Beat - I Confess

[ribbons]

Originally Posted by Plankton

My daughters mother was very abusive, verbally, and physically, so I had to separate myself from the equation completely to keep her from using our daughter as a tool against me. One of the hardest yet best decisions I had ever made concerning that mess. Many years later, after she had no one to target and disappeared, she had some sort of epiphany and apologized for everything she'd done to both Hanna and myself.

I hope you can find some comfort in the people around you and eventually get some sort of closure ribs. You don't deserve that kind of abuse. No one does.

Speaking of people who don’t deserve it: I’m so sorry that you and Hanna had to endure that abuse. It’s a credit to you as a father that you put her first and went to great lengths to protect her. Hey, there’s a reason why she’s turned out so well.

In a way, it’s a blessing that our children have had little contact with their father (although I would’ve preferred they had a healthy relationship and tried to foster that – but it’s just not possible). I’ve had sole custody of them, and he’s not capable of looking beyond his own needs so as to be inclined to interfere in their lives.

Thanks for your kind words, Plank – and for sharing your experience, which I know is not easy since that can sometimes trigger bad memories.