I need some advice on this one.

TheBig3 · 12-27-2009, 02:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BTown787

Like right-track said it's not weird that you're doing it over the internet because it's really the only and most convent to do.
I'm curious, though. If you don't mind me asking do you still have feelings for her?

If I could answer questions like this my life would be far less complicated.

I'm I'm cutting through the backstory, I tend to fall in love with the ideas and memories of people rather than the people themselves. having seen her so little for so long, its likely she became more than what she was in my mind.

michelle_elle · 12-27-2009, 05:56 PM

I'm sorry for your loss

I agree with Savannah - those ARE the things that make us human.

The fact that you haven't seen her in years doesn't mean a thing regarding what you "should" feel about it all. Some people just stick with us, no matter how long we knew them or how long we haven't seen them. Especially first loves

Seltzer · 12-28-2009, 07:57 PM

What you're doing is completely normal and it's just your way of forming a link from yourself to her and revisiting any memories with her in them. I'm sure most of us have done the same at some point. Only recently I found myself looking at the fb page of a guy I used to work with who hanged himself a couple of years back.

Astronomer · 12-29-2009, 03:16 AM

Wow, I'm so sorry Big3, that's really sad

And what you're doing is not crazy or irregular... I think it's quite normal to take those actions and to feel so spooked about the incident. A guy I used to play in a band with recently died and although I wasn't friends with him on Facebook, nor had I seen or spoken to him in about 5 years, I managed to get my way to his page and I found myself looking at all his old pictures and all his wall comments (as his profile hasn't been locked or made private or anything). Like Seltzer said I think it's a way of reforming links and memories with that particular person.

TheBig3 · 12-29-2009, 04:43 AM

Yeah I feel less freaky about doing it. I think I might make a donation to her fund to help disadvantaged youth.

I think I'll feel better about things when i've spoken to our mutual friend about it. More information seems to help.

savannah · 12-30-2009, 09:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheBig3KilledMyRainDog

Yeah I feel less freaky about doing it. I think I might make a donation to her fund to help disadvantaged youth.

i think this is a fine idea

TheCunningStunt · 12-30-2009, 09:23 AM

You're asking a load of people on an internet forum if it's creepy that you're looking into an old friend/flame's death?

Get a grip you idiot.

I'd be doing the exact same thing, trying to find out more, unanswered questions, trying to find conclusions. When I broke up with an ex, I kept looking at her picture on Facebook, dunno why, I was just drawn to it. It's the same thing except amplified because of the tragic circumstances.

right-track · 12-30-2009, 09:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheCunningStunt

You're asking a load of people on an internet forum if it's creepy that you're looking into an old friend/flame's death?

Get a grip you idiot.

Don't be such an insensitive prick.

TheCunningStunt · 12-30-2009, 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by right-track

Don't be such an insensitive prick.

Tough love.

If you just do what you did and take the first part of the post and ignore the last part it looks inensitive, but my point was I think that's what anyone would do. And he doesn't need to ask people on an internet forum, it's perfectly natural.

No need to feel creepy or weird about it in any way.

TheBig3 · 12-30-2009, 09:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheCunningStunt

Tough love.

If you just do what you did and take the first part of the post and ignore the last part it looks inensitive, but my point was I think that's what anyone would do. And he doesn't need to ask people on an internet forum, it's perfectly natural.

No need to feel creepy or weird about it in any way.

If its perfectly natural, why is there a problem asking people if its natural?

I'm not sure what I don't have a grip on, and that you're suggesting I grip.

12-27-2009, 05:56 PM	#12 (permalink)
michelle_elle Groupie Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 21	Your normal alright I'm sorry for your loss I agree with Savannah - those ARE the things that make us human. The fact that you haven't seen her in years doesn't mean a thing regarding what you "should" feel about it all. Some people just stick with us, no matter how long we knew them or how long we haven't seen them. Especially first loves

12-28-2009, 07:57 PM	#13 (permalink)
Seltzer Fish in the percolator! Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Hobbit Land NZ Posts: 2,870	What you're doing is completely normal and it's just your way of forming a link from yourself to her and revisiting any memories with her in them. I'm sure most of us have done the same at some point. Only recently I found myself looking at the fb page of a guy I used to work with who hanged himself a couple of years back. __________________ In the Court of King Crimson \| Last.fm \| RYM

12-29-2009, 03:16 AM	#14 (permalink)
Astronomer we are stardust Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 2,894	Wow, I'm so sorry Big3, that's really sad And what you're doing is not crazy or irregular... I think it's quite normal to take those actions and to feel so spooked about the incident. A guy I used to play in a band with recently died and although I wasn't friends with him on Facebook, nor had I seen or spoken to him in about 5 years, I managed to get my way to his page and I found myself looking at all his old pictures and all his wall comments (as his profile hasn't been locked or made private or anything). Like Seltzer said I think it's a way of reforming links and memories with that particular person. __________________

12-29-2009, 04:43 AM	#15 (permalink)
TheBig3 killedmyraindog Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Boston, Massachusetts Posts: 11,172	Yeah I feel less freaky about doing it. I think I might make a donation to her fund to help disadvantaged youth. I think I'll feel better about things when i've spoken to our mutual friend about it. More information seems to help. __________________ I've moved to a new address

12-30-2009, 09:23 AM	#17 (permalink)
TheCunningStunt love will tear you apart Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Manchester, UK. Posts: 5,107	You're asking a load of people on an internet forum if it's creepy that you're looking into an old friend/flame's death? Get a grip you idiot. I'd be doing the exact same thing, trying to find out more, unanswered questions, trying to find conclusions. When I broke up with an ex, I kept looking at her picture on Facebook, dunno why, I was just drawn to it. It's the same thing except amplified because of the tragic circumstances.