If I could answer questions like this my life would be far less complicated.

I'm I'm cutting through the backstory, I tend to fall in love with the ideas and memories of people rather than the people themselves. having seen her so little for so long, its likely she became more than what she was in my mind.

Your normal alright
 

I'm sorry for your loss :(
I agree with Savannah - those ARE the things that make us human.

The fact that you haven't seen her in years doesn't mean a thing regarding what you "should" feel about it all. Some people just stick with us, no matter how long we knew them or how long we haven't seen them. Especially first loves :)

What you're doing is completely normal and it's just your way of forming a link from yourself to her and revisiting any memories with her in them. I'm sure most of us have done the same at some point. Only recently I found myself looking at the fb page of a guy I used to work with who hanged himself a couple of years back.

Wow, I'm so sorry Big3, that's really sad :( And what you're doing is not crazy or irregular... I think it's quite normal to take those actions and to feel so spooked about the incident. A guy I used to play in a band with recently died and although I wasn't friends with him on Facebook, nor had I seen or spoken to him in about 5 years, I managed to get my way to his page and I found myself looking at all his old pictures and all his wall comments (as his profile hasn't been locked or made private or anything). Like Seltzer said I think it's a way of reforming links and memories with that particular person.

Yeah I feel less freaky about doing it. I think I might make a donation to her fund to help disadvantaged youth.

I think I'll feel better about things when i've spoken to our mutual friend about it. More information seems to help.

i think this is a fine idea

You're asking a load of people on an internet forum if it's creepy that you're looking into an old friend/flame's death?

Get a grip you idiot.

I'd be doing the exact same thing, trying to find out more, unanswered questions, trying to find conclusions. When I broke up with an ex, I kept looking at her picture on Facebook, dunno why, I was just drawn to it. It's the same thing except amplified because of the tragic circumstances.

Don't be such an insensitive prick.

Tough love.

If you just do what you did and take the first part of the post and ignore the last part it looks inensitive, but my point was I think that's what anyone would do. And he doesn't need to ask people on an internet forum, it's perfectly natural.

No need to feel creepy or weird about it in any way.

If its perfectly natural, why is there a problem asking people if its natural?

I'm not sure what I don't have a grip on, and that you're suggesting I grip.