Scarlett O'Hara

Is anyone going through a huge period of self reflection at the moment? Or if you have already passed it, what was it like to go through? How have you changed as a person from years before? What defines you as a person?

I'm keen to see what you guys are saying to I can comment as I relate to what you're saying. It's nice to see what others are facing for either preparation or guidance if you're going through it too.

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Guybrush

I've had a few periods of self-reflection, a couple as a result of events that felt rather life-changing or even wrecking when they happened, especially the last one which was a bit of a personal crisis where I felt like the bottom of my world had dropped out and my existence had changed for the worse forever.

I don't want to get too far into details, but I used to be very sort of happy-go-lucky. I didn't worry much about consequences, I was a lot more cynical and egocentrical (I've always had a lot of friends, so that wasn't the problem though) and I wasn't too critical with the things I believed in and accepted into my life. It's kind of hard to explain, but it's clear to me now looking back that the "me" back then wasn't built on solid foundations. I came crashing down when things I did had some pretty bad consequences and once my innocence was lost, things could never go back to the way they were. However, I did have the strength to fight it all and pick myself up. I'm blessed (some would say cursed) with an amazing stubborness and inability to give in to any problem, whether deeply personal or practical. Still, it did screw up the better parts of a year or two at least.

In my late teens and up through my earlier 20s, I think I rebuilt myself quite a bit. I became more compassionate, I thought a lot more about consequences and I'd become a lot more realistic. My logic is now much more in charge of my life than my feelings because I trust them more Another big change was that I became very sceptical to the things I believe in and accept as truth. It was also around this time I rediscovered my fascination and love for science which brought my life down the path I've been on since. In essence, I took what was left of that house of cards and built a fortress which is doing pretty well, but I'm still adding bricks to it.

I think with age and experience and the way I've redefined myself a bit over the years, I've gained a lot more confidence and I know now that if the things I experienced then were to happen again, I would be able to deal with it much easier than I did at the time.

Anyways - screwing up is part of being young. It's a great way of learning and I think some people, like me, sometimes have to make a mistake or two before we get it, even if that turnover can be quite unpleasant for quite a while.

Sorry if I'm being a bit vague

Anyways, you have reserves of strength you can tap into when you need to and be critical to the things you believe in/accept into your life. Think of consequences and how what you do affect the quality of your life, whether it being your choice of religion or just what you do to make money.

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Something Completely Different

Blue

I think I'm in an ever-evolving state of self-reflection, or at least I feel I have been for a few years now. To be honest and open, it was set off when I was about 15 as my mother got sick, and eventually passed away roughly two years later. It was a big reality check for me. It made me stop and actually consider things like who I was, what life was, what I believe in, what I want to do with my life.....In short, it was almost like being born and coming alive for the first time. I didn't feel I had a sense of identity before that event, and now I feel very grounded in terms of who I am.

I still reflect on quite a lot though. Lately I had been feeling kind of pent-up, and I realized as I was walking about outside yesterday that I was holding onto a lot, mentally and emotionally. I was gripping my life itself so hard, I was suffocating it in some ways. I think a lot of this was actually caused by the passing of my mother because it made me grab on to what I had. I let go a lot in that moment, and though I still will have bouts where I will subconsciously grab on to things too hard, I will (hopefully) be able to recognize it now.

I've also realized lately that I've become somewhat apprehensive and perhaps even jaded over the past couple of years. I would hold negative reservations about things and then as I experienced them, I'd expect the worst in some ways. Even down to little things like bodily aches and pains; I'd worry I was sick, or dying, or there was something wrong with me. Thinking logically, it's all very irrational, but we can talk ourselves into the craziest things in our own heads.

I also realized at one point in my life that I was always waiting for something. Waiting to get off work, or waiting to get out of school, or waiting for the evening, or weekend, or waiting to go somewhere or do something. I realized I was waiting to live really, and that life happens now, and only now. I suppose I always knew that intrinsically, but it really hit home in that moment. This moment is all you have and all you'll ever have; everything else is up in the air. I don't want to waste this moment chasing the past and future; I'd rather live, because that is all I have.

VeggieLover

Oh man, idk how much detail to go into here....

When i was 9 my dad died, and i grieved, but not fully, i kinda kept pushing the pain away...i was used to being the happy teachers pet crazy girl and i wasn't going to change that. Unfourtunately, by the age of twelve that wasn't working anymore. I basically started on the long road to depression on that point, but it didn't show itself really until my freshman year.

At that point I basically thought about my self all the time. Everything about me was wrong, my friends weren't good enough, my family life sucked, me me me. The main issue was the incongruity between how i thought people saw me and how i felt i really was. What basically happened was a personality split: light versus dark. I ended up cutting, sneaking out, got into drinking, drugs, and sexual expression. Ditched all my friends for druggies, got sent to therapy.... just overall not good. Since all i ever did was think I had made it my goal to stop all the incessent thoughts by getting high...and let me tell you it worked quite well. I said adios to a lot of my brain cells that summer.

Anyway, since then I've come to terms with my light and dark sides and...though i hate to say it...i actually think that all of my potentially lethal experiences combined with insanely good luck helped. Now that i know what it feels like to not think constantly, i get to enjoy the quiet. I know how to express my emotions without going to extremes. I still have a LONG way to go, but at least im not in a cesspool anymore.

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"Not remotely! Because iocaine comes from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you."

mr dave

at the moment, no.

in the past, most definitely.

what's it like going through it? never the same thing twice.

does it change you? absolutely.

what defines me? my self.

i think the biggest mistake anyone can make is to think they're 'done' that they've reached a final stage of anything. it strikes me as a very common thing in the so-called western society. like the concept that going through puberty and living long enough to not have 'teen' attached to your age somehow equates adulthood. physically it's true but mentally... i didn't feel like an 'adult' until i went through a few more serious introspective periods and i see LOTS of so-called adults who do little more than adhere to the standards they established for themselves as teens or to the ones currently being sold to kids, desperately trying to hold onto being 19 for as long as possible.

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i am the universe

Guybrush

I expect the next big redefining moment for me will be the thing, i.e. becoming a parent I know I'm getting older because the thought seems more attractive every year. I can appreciate that until then I'm still ultimately a newbie at life.

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Something Completely Different

OceanAndSilence

then i stayed quiet for a time...

now i just make my words count.

VEGANGELICA

^ Very true, Blue. I've also had times when I felt I was waiting...feeling as if something better would happen *in the future*. Now I try to do what I want to do in the present, because the future never seems quite as exciting (when it arrives) as I imagine it to be. I'm sorry your mom died.

^I think this is one reason I like music: because it gives me a chance to feel and spend less time analyzing, which I tend to do!

I went through an intense period of self-reflection before deciding to become vegetarian and then vegan. I realized that for me the constant focus on "self" (in which the taste of some food is all that mattered) prevented me from thinking about how my life impacts others' lives (including the lives of non-human animals). Becoming vegan involved me becoming much more self-aware (of my involvement in the world) even as it involved me shifting my attention away from my self to others.

Another time of self-reflection was when I realized that sometimes strong, emotional bonds with another person aren't the most important criterion to use when deciding if a romantic relationship is healthy for me or not. For example, during the relationship in which I was the most emotionally involved, I realized I couldn't stand shaving anymore (because shaving, to me, symbolizes the feeling that there is something wrong with a woman's body/hair)...yet my significant other felt he couldn't stay with me if I didn't shave. I decided I had to be true to myself and so I broke up with him because I knew I would hate myself if I gave into his wishes, betraying my sense of self-worth. I remember missing him instensely, though: just the scent of his shirt in the closet would cause me to cry. It is interesting, when you find yourself torn between choices, to see how you end up making your decision.

Ah, Tore, having a child has been wonderful! I think you will love it. I also wasn't interested in having a child until I hit around age 28, and then the idea became more and more appealing. What surprised me most about becoming a parent was how "natural" it felt. I didn't realize I would be the exact same person I was before having a child. The only change in my self is that now I have a child whom I love and feel responsible for constantly. I thought "becoming a parent" involved some deep psychological shift!

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