What are you Writing now?

Trollheart · 05-09-2018, 05:04 PM

The Doll/Their Little Guardian

OH **** ME YES! Now we are back on track! ****ing excellent in every way. Love the switching between the first-person narrative and the family/child's view, the story slowly building up within the main story, the big twists and surprises, the characters, the settings, and THE ****ING ENDING!

Absolutely ****ing top class man! 10/10. I'd give it higher if I could.
**** it! 20/10!!

Oriphiel · 05-09-2018, 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trollheart

The Doll/Their Little Guardian

OH **** ME YES! Now we are back on track! ****ing excellent in every way. Love the switching between the first-person narrative and the family/child's view, the story slowly building up within the main story, the big twists and surprises, the characters, the settings, and THE ****ING ENDING!

Absolutely ****ing top class man! 10/10. I'd give it higher if I could.
**** it! 20/10!!

Oh shit, thanks! 20/10 is high praise.

Fun fact: I based it off of a real Japanese doll that my dad bought when I was a kid, complete with the head that would randomly fall off. Used to scare the shit out of me. I actually still have it. Took it with me when I moved out, and never had the heart to get rid of it.

Trollheart · 05-09-2018, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oriphiel

Oh shit, thanks! 20/10 is high praise.

Fun fact: I based it off of a real Japanese doll that my dad bought when I was a kid, complete with the head that would randomly fall off. Used to scare the shit out of me. I actually still have it. Took it with me when I moved out, and never had the heart to get rid of it.

Why the hell didn't you submit that one? Any editor would snap that up! Looking forward to reading the next one now.

Oriphiel · 05-09-2018, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trollheart

Why the hell didn't you submit that one? Any editor would snap that up! Looking forward to reading the next one now.

Well, it used to be my least favorite story. I wrote both it and The Travelling Horror Story one morning at like 3:00 A.M. and it came out as a total mess filled with tired Ori typos. I shelved it, and it was only recently that I dove back in and edited the shit out of it, adding a bunch of details and giving it a new ending.

Trollheart · 05-10-2018, 10:06 AM

Yeah I know what you mean. I discovered one I wrote like maybe ten years ago or more now, about a kid dying in hospital. The original ending was not only **** but totally predictable. The new one may be too, but I've beefed it up a little so I think it makes the story a bit less obvious.

It's "Sunset Eyes" next. I'll be back with my thoughts after these messages...

Hey you! Ever wanted to play a guitar but found it too much work? Sign up for Frownland's Play Guitar in a Day course. Disclaimer: much of the music you will end up being able to play will not technically be recognisable as music at all. No jazz haters please.

I used to be fat until I tried The Batlord's Burger King diet. Now, well, I'm still fat but I don't give a ****! Try it for yourself, and remember our promise: if you don't lose twenty pounds in two weeks, go **** yourself!

Hate sports? Send a cheque for all you can now to the Committee for the Advancement of Sports Haters. You might have some trouble writing all that on your cheque so perhaps use the abbreviation: CASH. Send to Janzoon care of....

Trollheart · 05-11-2018, 02:52 PM

Sunset Eyes

All right, this was a cyberpunk thing, wasn't it? I'm not great with them. I couldn't follow this. Some enhanced rogue cyborg or something, but I really don't know what the story was supposed to be. It was extremely well written, in I'd say a kind of Philip K Dick way, but the idea that you were kind of supposed to know everything that was being spoken about, and that nothing was adequately explained, left me a little lost. The ending was odd, too, though I had sort of gathered by the last few pages that it was not going to end with any sort of real resolution.

Well written, great imagery but the story plotline is something I found next to impossible to follow. Still, I'll give it a decent 6/10

Edit: All right, the next one has SIXTY-SEVEN pages. Don't expect a report for a few days.

Oriphiel · 05-11-2018, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trollheart

Sunset Eyes

All right, this was a cyberpunk thing, wasn't it? I'm not great with them. I couldn't follow this. Some enhanced rogue cyborg or something, but I really don't know what the story was supposed to be. It was extremely well written, in I'd say a kind of Philip K Dick way, but the idea that you were kind of supposed to know everything that was being spoken about, and that nothing was adequately explained, left me a little lost. The ending was odd, too, though I had sort of gathered by the last few pages that it was not going to end with any sort of real resolution.

Well written, great imagery but the story plotline is something I found next to impossible to follow. Still, I'll give it a decent 6/10

Edit: All right, the next one has SIXTY-SEVEN pages. Don't expect a report for a few days.

Woah, 6/10 is actually way more than I was expecting.

Never read any of Philip K. Dick's works, or really all that much Sci-Fi in general, though I have read many of William Gibson's novels. Neuromancer is probably my favorite book of all time, and it pretty much ruined me and the way I approach the genre. I just dive right in and expect the reader to figure out and interpret what's going on.

Trollheart · 05-11-2018, 05:23 PM

Reading Motor Girl now. Just wanted to check with you: obviously no way I would rob your idea, but it's lit a candle in my head about another story I'd like to write. It is nothing at all to do with yours, but something Nancy said kind of gave me the idea. Are you okay with that? I'll fill you in more on it if you want, or when it's written I'll send you a copy so you can see if it looks like I've ripped anything off from you, though I promise I won't. It's just this tiny spark that you lit that has sent my mind off in a totally different, yet very slightly similar direction. If it ever gets published I'd be happy to credit some of the idea to you if you want.

Keep in mind that I am only a few pages in, so I don't know how your story will turn out, but I already know it's not going to be the same as the one I've thought of. Truth is, I thought yours was going to go in that direction, and when it didn't, I thought, hell that's not a bad idea though. I can work with that.

You cool with that Ori? If you want more info or clarification let me know.
Thanks

Oriphiel · 05-11-2018, 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trollheart

Reading Motor Girl now. Just wanted to check with you: obviously no way I would rob your idea, but it's lit a candle in my head about another story I'd like to write. It is nothing at all to do with yours, but something Nancy said kind of gave me the idea. Are you okay with that? I'll fill you in more on it if you want, or when it's written I'll send you a copy so you can see if it looks like I've ripped anything off from you, though I promise I won't. It's just this tiny spark that you lit that has sent my mind off in a totally different, yet very slightly similar direction. If it ever gets published I'd be happy to credit some of the idea to you if you want.

Keep in mind that I am only a few pages in, so I don't know how your story will turn out, but I already know it's not going to be the same as the one I've thought of. Truth is, I thought yours was going to go in that direction, and when it didn't, I thought, hell that's not a bad idea though. I can work with that.

You cool with that Ori? If you want more info or clarification let me know.
Thanks

Yeah, totally. Go ahead, man. You can put an "Inspired by..." or something like that if you want, if you feel like your story ends up in a similar place.

05-09-2018, 05:04 PM	#1 (permalink)
Trollheart Born to be mild Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 404 Not Found Posts: 26,996	*The Doll/Their Little Guardian* OH ** ME YES! Now we are back on track! ing excellent in every way. Love the switching between the first-person narrative and the family/child's view, the story slowly building up within the main story, the big twists and surprises, the characters, the settings, and THE ING ENDING! Absolutely ing top class man! 10/10. I'd give it higher if I could. ** it! 20/10!! __________________ Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

05-10-2018, 10:06 AM	#5 (permalink)
Trollheart Born to be mild Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 404 Not Found Posts: 26,996	Yeah I know what you mean. I discovered one I wrote like maybe ten years ago or more now, about a kid dying in hospital. The original ending was not only ** but totally predictable. The new one may be too, but I've beefed it up a little so I think it makes the story a bit less obvious. It's "Sunset Eyes" next. I'll be back with my thoughts after these messages... Hey you! Ever wanted to play a guitar but found it too much work? Sign up for Frownland's Play Guitar in a Day course. Disclaimer: much of the music you will end up being able to play will not technically be recognisable as music at all. No jazz haters please. I used to be fat until I tried The Batlord's Burger King diet. Now, well, I'm still fat but I don't give a ! Try it for yourself, and remember our promise: if you don't lose twenty pounds in two weeks, go ** yourself! Hate sports? Send a cheque for all you can now to the Committee for the Advancement of Sports Haters. You might have some trouble writing all that on your cheque so perhaps use the abbreviation: CASH. Send to Janzoon care of.... __________________ Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

05-11-2018, 02:52 PM	#6 (permalink)
Trollheart Born to be mild Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 404 Not Found Posts: 26,996	*Sunset Eyes* All right, this was a cyberpunk thing, wasn't it? I'm not great with them. I couldn't follow this. Some enhanced rogue cyborg or something, but I really don't know what the story was supposed to be. It was extremely well written, in I'd say a kind of Philip K Dick way, but the idea that you were kind of supposed to know everything that was being spoken about, and that nothing was adequately explained, left me a little lost. The ending was odd, too, though I had sort of gathered by the last few pages that it was not going to end with any sort of real resolution. Well written, great imagery but the story plotline is something I found next to impossible to follow. Still, I'll give it a decent 6/10 Edit: All right, the next one has SIXTY-SEVEN pages. Don't expect a report for a few days. __________________ Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

05-11-2018, 05:23 PM	#8 (permalink)
Trollheart Born to be mild Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 404 Not Found Posts: 26,996	Reading Motor Girl now. Just wanted to check with you: obviously no way I would rob your idea, but it's lit a candle in my head about another story I'd like to write. It is nothing at all to do with yours, but something Nancy said kind of gave me the idea. Are you okay with that? I'll fill you in more on it if you want, or when it's written I'll send you a copy so you can see if it looks like I've ripped anything off from you, though I promise I won't. It's just this tiny spark that you lit that has sent my mind off in a totally different, yet very slightly similar direction. If it ever gets published I'd be happy to credit some of the idea to you if you want. Keep in mind that I am only a few pages in, so I don't know how your story will turn out, but I already know it's not going to be the same as the one I've thought of. Truth is, I thought yours was going to go in that direction, and when it didn't, I thought, hell that's not a bad idea though. I can work with that. You cool with that Ori? If you want more info or clarification let me know. Thanks __________________ Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018