What are you Writing now?

OccultHawk · 04-14-2018, 06:36 PM

Jesus the Carpenter by OccultHawk

By the year 3018 Christianity had become so powerful every person on earth transcended into Christ and was crucified, except for the final Jesus. It doesn’t matter how advanced one’s carpentry skills are it’s impossible for one free arm to nail itself to a board.

Trollheart · 04-18-2018, 05:22 PM

The Edge of the World

Yeah well, he'd show them all. They'd see he was right, had been right all along. What were they all so afraid of, anyway? Wasn't it one of their greatest writers who once said “The horizon is just another border you haven't yet crossed”? Well, he was about to cross the border. The big one. This was his moment. It had all been leading up to this. All the work, all the research, all the sleepless nights. All the sacrifices. And had he sacrificed. Everything. His wife, his kids, his job, his standing in the community ... oh, he was well aware they thought he was crazy. He actually didn't blame them. Who would, in fairness, countenance the theories he had put forward? Who could credit the existence of another world Beyond? Who would have the courage, the vision, the sheer bullheaded determination to say “No, you're all wrong and I'm right”?

He would.

But of course that made him something of a pariah, a laughing stock, a joke in the community. All his old friends stopped talking to him, stopped visiting. Family tried to talk him out of it: even his own wife! She didn't believe in him. Well, he was better off without the bitch. They'd been growing apart for a long time now and he wouldn't miss her. He would miss the kids though. Still, he cheered himself with the thought that once he was famous – and he would be famous, he knew that – he would have the pick of the females, and she might even try to wheedle her way back in. Not that he'd be interested. Oh no. He'd be a celebrity, feted and honoured all over the world. Hey, they might even build a statue to him. He'd be seen as one of the greatest explorers of the age, perhaps the greatest. His determination – all right, all right! Call it obsession then! - which was the cause of jeering and laughter now, would be seen as the indefatigable stoicism of a true visionary.

They'd see. Oh yes, they'd all see.

Not that it had been plain sailing, he admitted, as his eyes probed the darkness ahead, the same wide, grey expanse he had been looking at for four years now, and which had, at times, seemed, as they told him it was, eternal, insurmountable, impassable. In the darkest chill of night, when doubt came calling and the lure of home and hearth whispered seductively in his ears, trying to make him realise his folly, he sometimes wondered if they were right and he was wrong. But these misgivings soon passed, and the next morning he would trudge on again, alone, undefeated, unbowed, his conviction unshakable, his faith solid as rock.

There had to be something Beyond, there just had to. It didn't stand to reason that the Creator had made only this small area, that all life was contained in such a tiny space. The bright sun, high up in the distant sky, surely it shone on more than just this seemingly everlasting grey featureless region? Of course, nobody had been beyond it, but then that was because nobody had the capacity to dream as he had. Nobody went Beyond, because nobody thought it could be done. But he did.

When the doubts again assailed him, he spoke to himself harshly, asking if he was going to return to them, beaten and chastened, admit that he had been wrong, endure their scorn and live the rest of his life as a failure, a joke, the one who had Nearly Gone Beyond? And then he stiffened his resolve, screwed up all his courage and pressed doggedly on. He would not give in, he would not admit defeat. Better to die out here, trying, than to return, not even having failed, but having given up.

And now, after all these years of ardurous travel, all the hardships, the doubts, the voices whispering in his ear, he was nearing the end. He knew, because he could see, very faintly but quite distinctly, a light ahead. The uniform grey was touched with what looked like gold, and that could only happen if there was something else out there, something past the furthest point, something ... something Beyond.

And he would be the first to see it, the first to reach it, the first to return with tales of ....

A huge shadow rose up, blocking out everything. A mighty roaring was suddenly in his ears, and he lost his grip. Unable to hold on, he was tumbling, falling, falling. He gave a despairing wail as he fell...

CRUNCH!

“****ing snails! How do they get so high up this wall anyway, that's what I want to know?” Darren threw the broom to one side, his heel grinding down upon the hard shell, which could protect the insect from many things, but not a human boot. It shattered, and the snail carrying it was squished onto the concrete. Darren's wife rolled her eyes.

“Who cares?” she snapped. “Come on! I'm late for work!” She darted a sharp glance at him as they left the garden. “And you can clean that mess up when we get back!” she informed him. “Bloody things give me the creeps! Ugh!”

DwnWthVwls · 04-19-2018, 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OccultHawk

Jesus the Carpenter by OccultHawk

By the year 3018 Christianity had become so powerful every person on earth transcended into Christ and was crucified, except for the final Jesus. It doesn’t matter how advanced one’s carpentry skills are it’s impossible for one free arm to nail itself to a board.

Oriphiel · 05-04-2018, 06:55 AM

Hey OH and TH, either of you up for proofing a bunch of shitty short stories, and maybe an awful and aimless novel?

Btw, OH, I don't remember if I ever thanked you for reading through those stories I sent you a few months back. If not, then let me just say, you da man. Thanks for suffering through that shit.

OccultHawk · 05-04-2018, 06:58 AM

It was a pleasure

Sure man I can do that

Oriphiel · 05-04-2018, 07:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OccultHawk

It was a pleasure

Sure man I can do that

Did you just want some short stories, or did you want to try the novel? 'Cause I have to warn you, the novel is like 130,000 words of clumsy nonsense.

Trollheart · 05-04-2018, 08:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oriphiel

Hey OH and TH, either of you up for proofing a bunch of shitty short stories, and maybe an awful and aimless novel?

Btw, OH, I don't remember if I ever thanked you for reading through those stories I sent you a few months back. If not, then let me just say, you da man. Thanks for suffering through that shit.

Absolutely. Send 'em my way, I'll give ya my honest opinion.

Edit: gimme all ya got. I got time now.

OccultHawk · 05-04-2018, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oriphiel

Did you just want some short stories, or did you want to try the novel? 'Cause I have to warn you, the novel is like 130,000 words of clumsy nonsense.

I’m not ignoring you I’m thinking about it

I don’t want to bite off more than I can chew

That’s a lot of words

I don’t want to commit to doing it unless I can honestly take it on

I proof read and made lots of editing suggestions for an author who ended up getting published and it wasn’t that long and it was a lot of work

You’re a good writer and I’d like to see you get published

I’m not trying to even say I even have enough insight to even be helpful just that it’s a big project to give a good faith effort so for now I’m going to sit on the idea for a couple days

sorry if this sounds snotty

Oriphiel · 05-04-2018, 06:58 PM

Hey TH, how do you want me to send them? Is e-mail okay?

Quote:

Originally Posted by OccultHawk

I’m not ignoring you I’m thinking about it

I don’t want to bite off more than I can chew

That’s a lot of words

I don’t want to commit to doing it unless I can honestly take it on

I proof read and made lots of editing suggestions for an author who ended up getting published and it wasn’t that long and it was a lot of work

You’re a good writer and I’d like to see you get published

I’m not trying to even say I even have enough insight to even be helpful just that it’s a big project to give a good faith effort so for now I’m going to sit on the idea for a couple days

sorry if this sounds snotty

Nah, it's fine, I totally understand.

Trollheart · 05-04-2018, 07:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oriphiel

Hey TH, how do you want me to send them? Is e-mail okay?

Yeah they're only docs aren't they? So they can't be that large. Or you can Google Drive if you want. I don't mind. Just don't PM them - my inbox would explode!

What sort of timescale do you want before response? Are you waiting to try to publish? Do you want like, notes or anything, changes, corrections, criticism (constructive of course) or just my impressions on what you wrote?

04-14-2018, 06:36 PM	#641 (permalink)
OccultHawk one-balled nipple jockey Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Dirty Souf Biatch Posts: 22,006	Jesus the Carpenter by OccultHawk By the year 3018 Christianity had become so powerful every person on earth transcended into Christ and was crucified, except for the final Jesus. It doesn’t matter how advanced one’s carpentry skills are it’s impossible for one free arm to nail itself to a board. __________________ 2016 2017 2018 2019 2020 Member of the Year & Journal of the Year Champion Behold the Writing of THE LEGEND: https://www.musicbanter.com/members-...p-lighter.html

04-18-2018, 05:22 PM	#642 (permalink)
Trollheart Born to be mild Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 404 Not Found Posts: 26,996	The Edge of the World Yeah well, he'd show them all. They'd see he was right, had been right all along. What were they all so afraid of, anyway? Wasn't it one of their greatest writers who once said “The horizon is just another border you haven't yet crossed”? Well, he was about to cross the border. The big one. This was his moment. It had all been leading up to this. All the work, all the research, all the sleepless nights. All the sacrifices. And had he sacrificed. Everything. His wife, his kids, his job, his standing in the community ... oh, he was well aware they thought he was crazy. He actually didn't blame them. Who would, in fairness, countenance the theories he had put forward? Who could credit the existence of another world Beyond? Who would have the courage, the vision, the sheer bullheaded determination to say “No, you're all wrong and I'm right”? He would. But of course that made him something of a pariah, a laughing stock, a joke in the community. All his old friends stopped talking to him, stopped visiting. Family tried to talk him out of it: even his own wife! She didn't believe in him. Well, he was better off without the bitch. They'd been growing apart for a long time now and he wouldn't miss her. He would miss the kids though. Still, he cheered himself with the thought that once he was famous – and he would be famous, he knew that – he would have the pick of the females, and she might even try to wheedle her way back in. Not that he'd be interested. Oh no. He'd be a celebrity, feted and honoured all over the world. Hey, they might even build a statue to him. He'd be seen as one of the greatest explorers of the age, perhaps the greatest. His determination – all right, all right! Call it obsession then! - which was the cause of jeering and laughter now, would be seen as the indefatigable stoicism of a true visionary. They'd see. Oh yes, they'd all see. Not that it had been plain sailing, he admitted, as his eyes probed the darkness ahead, the same wide, grey expanse he had been looking at for four years now, and which had, at times, seemed, as they told him it was, eternal, insurmountable, impassable. In the darkest chill of night, when doubt came calling and the lure of home and hearth whispered seductively in his ears, trying to make him realise his folly, he sometimes wondered if they were right and he was wrong. But these misgivings soon passed, and the next morning he would trudge on again, alone, undefeated, unbowed, his conviction unshakable, his faith solid as rock. There had to be something Beyond, there just had to. It didn't stand to reason that the Creator had made only this small area, that all life was contained in such a tiny space. The bright sun, high up in the distant sky, surely it shone on more than just this seemingly everlasting grey featureless region? Of course, nobody had been beyond it, but then that was because nobody had the capacity to dream as he had. Nobody went Beyond, because nobody thought it could be done. But he did. When the doubts again assailed him, he spoke to himself harshly, asking if he was going to return to them, beaten and chastened, admit that he had been wrong, endure their scorn and live the rest of his life as a failure, a joke, the one who had Nearly Gone Beyond? And then he stiffened his resolve, screwed up all his courage and pressed doggedly on. He would not give in, he would not admit defeat. Better to die out here, trying, than to return, not even having failed, but having given up. And now, after all these years of ardurous travel, all the hardships, the doubts, the voices whispering in his ear, he was nearing the end. He knew, because he could see, very faintly but quite distinctly, a light ahead. The uniform grey was touched with what looked like gold, and that could only happen if there was something else out there, something past the furthest point, something ... something Beyond. And he would be the first to see it, the first to reach it, the first to return with tales of .... A huge shadow rose up, blocking out everything. A mighty roaring was suddenly in his ears, and he lost his grip. Unable to hold on, he was tumbling, falling, falling. He gave a despairing wail as he fell... CRUNCH! “***ing snails! How do they get so high up this wall anyway, that's what I want to know?” Darren threw the broom to one side, his heel grinding down upon the hard shell, which could protect the insect from many things, but not a human boot. It shattered, and the snail carrying it was squished onto the concrete. Darren's wife rolled her eyes. “Who cares?” she snapped. “Come on! I'm late for work!” She darted a sharp glance at him as they left the garden. “And you can clean that mess up when we get back!” she informed him. “Bloody things give me the creeps! Ugh!” __________________ Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018*

05-04-2018, 06:55 AM	#644 (permalink)
Oriphiel Ask me how! Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: The States Posts: 5,354	Hey OH and TH, either of you up for proofing a bunch of shitty short stories, and maybe an awful and aimless novel? Btw, OH, I don't remember if I ever thanked you for reading through those stories I sent you a few months back. If not, then let me just say, you da man. Thanks for suffering through that shit. __________________ ---------------------- \|---Mic's Albums---\| ---------------------- ----------------------------- \|---Deafbox Industries---\| -----------------------------

05-04-2018, 06:58 AM	#645 (permalink)
OccultHawk one-balled nipple jockey Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Dirty Souf Biatch Posts: 22,006	It was a pleasure Sure man I can do that __________________ 2016 2017 2018 2019 2020 Member of the Year & Journal of the Year Champion Behold the Writing of THE LEGEND: https://www.musicbanter.com/members-...p-lighter.html