The first piece I never wrote on the other site; The second piece was when I was starting out and it isn't especially good. I did get some decent criticism on a couple chapters on the book I wrote and have yet to publish. Again they told me what they thought was wrong and one guy even gave me a couple ideas. I also entered a few contests finally winning one. I'd post that one but it was from a contest where you're doing a twist on somebody else's work.
Here's a flash fiction I wrote for a contest that was judged by three people. It's limited to 650 words so it isn't exactly fleshed out. Two people thought it was an original twist on James Bond while another, well, made Simon Cowell look like Polyanna of the seas. Anyway, there are many ways to do a critique (and no, I didn't win)
Quote:
Agent in a trap
“Do you have any last words Mr. Green?”
Sam Green of the FBI glared at his captor as he lay in his death trap struggling to escape from what looked like a giant mouse trap. “You won’t get away with this, Gluberg,” Sam said with a sneer.
Sam was sent by his superiors to prevent the diabolical Gluberg from his evil plans to take over the Pentagon with his new and improved death ray. Gluberg, however, proved to have the upper hand, catching the unsuspecting agent in an elaborate trap. Now Sam was secure in the giant contraption waiting for the bar holding the hammer to spring, thus sealing his fate.
Gluberg looked at the helpless agent through his glass eye. “In just five minutes the catch controlling the holding bar will release the hammer, and within an instant, your head will be smashed into guacamole.” The bald-headed monster then let out a maniacal laugh as he prepared to take his leave. “I must depart now Mr. Green. Sweet Dreams.” Gluberg dropped a capsule, and vanished in a cloud of smoke.
Sam was desperately left to his own devices. He was a clever agent who had been through similar death traps, always able to escape in the nick of time. Sam was confident that this would be no exception. As with other villains, Gluberg never thought to search Sam’s underwear. This is where Sam kept an emergency kit where he kept certain gadgets to assist in dire situations such as this. The agent looked at the clock on the wall. He had less than five minutes to escape.
Sam was able to get his hands inside his underwear, and found his utility pouch. The crafty agent was able to retrieve his trusty pocket knife to cut the binds. He began to slice into the binds carefully with his fingers. Within seconds, it was obvious that the binds were too strong for the super sharp knife. Sam had to dig into his underwear to find another device that would untie him. He looked at the clock. There were three minutes left.
Sam retrieved a mini-blowtorch from his emergency kit. This had to work. He was able to set the flame, and aim it on the binds. The flames couldn’t penetrate the steely rope either. It did give the agent a pretty solid first degree burn, however. He dropped the blowtorch, and took another glance at the clock. Two minutes left.
Sam still felt confident he could escape from this dastardly trap as he again reached for his emergency kit. This time he retrieved a special substance that could melt steel without hurting his hands. This had to be successful. Sam went to work, and somehow was able to pour the substance on the steel binds with his fingers. Within seconds smoke emerged from the steely binds. Sam took another look at the clock. Still ninety seconds left. Sam patiently waited for the liquid to work. He took another look at…..
Snap!
Gluberg returned to the scene of the crime with his cat Little Frisky. He looked at the mess that was once agent Sam Green. “I forgot to tell you Mr. Green. The clock was exactly one minute and twenty-two seconds too fast.” Gluberg took out his glass eye, and let out another maniacal laugh as he gloated over the splattered brains of Sam Green. “Goodbye, Mr. Green. Now the Pentagon is mine.”
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12-22-2017, 03:24 PM
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