What are you Writing now?

Trollheart · 05-12-2018, 04:06 PM

Read this previously. Great stuff. Really descriptive.

Oriphiel · 05-12-2018, 09:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trollheart

Working through Motor Girl (page 16 I think) but just wanted to let you know that you're doing, whether you're aware of it or not, assuming it's not intentional, something Mondo and myself tend to do, which is mixing tenses. In the scene where Geraldine meets the samurai, it goes from "I say this to him" to "then he said this to me", sort of thing. Bit confusing. I mean, within a paragraph you're changing tenses half a dozen times. Just thought you should know, in case you hadn't noticed it. Didn't happen in the other stories.

If it's intentional, then shut my mouth, but I don't see what purpose it would serve.

Yup, did it on purpose. Thought it sounded more like the way a teenager would recount something, mixing tenses like that. Wanted her part of the story to be sloppy and goofy.

Trollheart · 05-12-2018, 09:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oriphiel

Yup, did it on purpose. Thought it sounded more like the way a teenager would recount something, mixing tenses like that. Wanted her part of the story to be sloppy and goofy.

It doesn't work, man. Not for me. It's actually pretty intensely annoying. Just so you know. I mean, it might have seemed great in your head - hell, maybe it is great and it's just me - but damn it ruined that part of the story for me, cos I'm always aware of doing it myself, and it just, well, it just ...

Oriphiel · 05-13-2018, 05:12 AM

Can't help but break them rules.

Just imagine her part of the story as some loser in a bar telling you a ridiculous story.

Btw, I don't actually come out and say it, but she's also pretty high at the time she's recounting everything. So... yeah.

Trollheart · 05-13-2018, 11:33 AM

Now about halfway through Motor Girl. Loving it!

Oriphiel · 05-13-2018, 08:09 PM

Tbh, I'm expecting you find a plot hole or two, 'cause it's one of those stories where I had no idea what I was doing or where I was going with it, and just made shit up on the fly. I was having way too much fun writing it to stop and think about how it would read.

Trollheart · 05-13-2018, 08:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oriphiel

Tbh, I'm expecting you find a plot hole or two, 'cause it's one of those stories where I had no idea what I was doing or where I was going with it, and just made shit up on the fly. I was having way too much fun writing it to stop and think about how it would read.

Hold the phone! There's a plot?

Trollheart · 05-14-2018, 06:35 PM

Thanks for destroying my dream of ever being a writer!

****ing seriously, get this published, man. I can already see it as a blockbuster movie, as I'm sure you can, and possibly wrote it with that in mind. It's ****ing great. Quite long, almost more a mini-novel maybe, but despite the few niggles I had earlier, not really a bad part in it. Excellent prose, great characters, fantastic interaction ... hell, just perfect. Everyone should read this. I'm so jealous but, you know, ****ing proud as all hell too to have read it before it becomes a fantasy classic and bestseller.

50/10
or more.

Trollheart · 05-14-2018, 08:16 PM

Question:

Spoiler for in case anyone else wants to read it:

Oriphiel · 05-14-2018, 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trollheart

Thanks for destroying my dream of ever being a writer!

****ing seriously, get this published, man. I can already see it as a blockbuster movie, as I'm sure you can, and possibly wrote it with that in mind. It's ****ing great. Quite long, almost more a mini-novel maybe, but despite the few niggles I had earlier, not really a bad part in it. Excellent prose, great characters, fantastic interaction ... hell, just perfect. Everyone should read this. I'm so jealous but, you know, ****ing proud as all hell too to have read it before it becomes a fantasy classic and bestseller.

50/10
or more.

****, thanks man! That means a lot. Didn't expect to get such high praise. I'll be sure to put your 50/10 on the front cover if I ever publish it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trollheart

Question:

Spoiler for in case anyone else wants to read it:

Sort of, yeah. The first thing he'd ever put in the tree was an old home video of him and his mom, and so they both sort of became entangled with it, catalysts for the birthing. By ending the birthing, he prevented both her and a younger, happier, and more innocent version of himself from coming to life.

So, in a way, the story actually winds down right where it started; with suicide.

05-12-2018, 04:06 PM	#691 (permalink)
Trollheart Born to be mild Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 404 Not Found Posts: 26,992	Read this previously. Great stuff. Really descriptive. __________________ Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

05-13-2018, 05:12 AM	#694 (permalink)
Oriphiel Ask me how! Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: The States Posts: 5,354	Can't help but break them rules. Just imagine her part of the story as some loser in a bar telling you a ridiculous story. Btw, I don't actually come out and say it, but she's also pretty high at the time she's recounting everything. So... yeah. __________________ ---------------------- \|---Mic's Albums---\| ---------------------- ----------------------------- \|---Deafbox Industries---\| -----------------------------

05-13-2018, 11:33 AM	#695 (permalink)
Trollheart Born to be mild Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 404 Not Found Posts: 26,992	Now about halfway through Motor Girl. Loving it! __________________ Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

05-13-2018, 08:09 PM	#696 (permalink)
Oriphiel Ask me how! Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: The States Posts: 5,354	Tbh, I'm expecting you find a plot hole or two, 'cause it's one of those stories where I had no idea what I was doing or where I was going with it, and just made shit up on the fly. I was having way too much fun writing it to stop and think about how it would read. __________________ ---------------------- \|---Mic's Albums---\| ---------------------- ----------------------------- \|---Deafbox Industries---\| -----------------------------

05-14-2018, 06:35 PM	#698 (permalink)
Trollheart Born to be mild Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 404 Not Found Posts: 26,992	Thanks for destroying my dream of ever being a writer! **ing seriously, get this published, man. I can already see it as a blockbuster movie, as I'm sure you can, and possibly wrote it with that in mind. It's ing great. Quite long, almost more a mini-novel maybe, but despite the few niggles I had earlier, not really a bad part in it. Excellent prose, great characters, fantastic interaction ... hell, just perfect. Everyone should read this. I'm so jealous but, you know, *ing proud as all hell too to have read it before it becomes a fantasy classic and bestseller. 50/10 or more. __________________ Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018*

05-14-2018, 08:16 PM	#699 (permalink)
Trollheart Born to be mild Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 404 Not Found Posts: 26,992	Question: Spoiler for in case anyone else wants to read it: Considering all the tendrils Dan had to pull out of the tree, and considering that you made it pretty clear that either was his mother or some manifestation of same, is it true to say that he killed his own mother, like, again? __________________ Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018