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12-23-2017, 06:27 AM | #421 (permalink) |
Born to be mild
Join Date: Oct 2008
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Okay, well first of all that story I wrote is okay but I doubt it is good enough to be published anywhere. My novels are still being written, nowhere near ready for publication in any form yet. Sure, self-publishing makes it easier these days but I'm not that familiar with how it works. I mentioned here before that I came across a company or site which would get me published for the "low price" of 800 dollars. I ain't got that.
With my responsibilities being as they are, I don't have the time or energy to seek actual publication, and even if I did, what could I publish? Some short stories that probably would get rejected in the real world? I mostly post my writings here just to get feedback and see if it's as acceptable as I convince myself it is. I'm only two years younger than you, by the way. I'm not trying to be nasty or harsh, but as I said, if your writing is not up to scratch surely you'd want to know? I have pointers on your secret agent story that could make it better, or at least more believable or interesting, if you want them, but as I said, if you're just going to laugh off my advice (which is fine; you're entitled to do that but I just wouldn't personally when someone is trying to help you) then what's the point? Of course we're still friends. Nothing personal at all. Writer v Writer can be some of the most down-and-dirty, vicious deathmatches around, but it shouldn't impact friendships. I'm writing a story today which I'll hope to publish later. Feel free to tear it apart if you think it sucks.
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12-23-2017, 06:40 AM | #422 (permalink) |
Call me Mustard
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Pepperland
Posts: 2,642
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Sure, I'd like to hear your comments on my Super Agent story. I wrote that one a while ago too, but you have to admit it's better than my other throwaway
Oh, you should go over to the Writing Discussion at my old writing forum. We had a pair that would go toe to toe with anybody. It didn't hurt that they were two of the best writers on that forum. Some know it all would come over there and the poor guy would end up mincemeat. Yeah, take a look at my secret agent story. Of course it's flawed (mostly because of the word limit in the challenge). It is closer to my real writing style though (I do tend to be a little demented ). |
12-23-2017, 11:38 AM | #423 (permalink) | ||||||||||||
Born to be mild
Join Date: Oct 2008
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Posts: 26,992
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All right. I'll try not to be too brutal. Firstly, the good points: it has an unexpected, almost comical ending, which is different, however that kind of takes away from the whole gist of the story. I know Clive Barker has done similar with his characters - make you think they're going to escape, get you to identify with them, sympathise with them, root for them, then kill them off - but I feel the ending makes everything that went before sort of redundant. It's not too serious - did you write it as a spy story or a satire, or both?
Now, I'm going to go dissect it. Be prepared: this may get ugly. Quote:
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Also: you never mentioned he had been stripped, which I assume he has been, otherwise how does he get to his boxers? Despite the somewhat rambling description earlier (sorry) you never actually described how he is pinioned in the mousetrap. Don't assume people will know: you're concentrating on the less important points and missing out the ones that will make people ask "But....?" Quote:
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When I post my next story, I want you to try to tear it to shreds. See if you can. Maybe you can. But don't be afraid of hurting my feelings. I don't think this above has that much to do with word restriction: the ending and the changes I suggest wouldn't have done much to change that. I think it just needed to be thought about more, instead of perhaps, as it seems you did, going with your first idea, which is not always the best thing to do.
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12-23-2017, 12:21 PM | #424 (permalink) |
Call me Mustard
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Pepperland
Posts: 2,642
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That was a good critique, thanks.
I can explain the glass eye. The challenge always has a prompt. In this case, you had to include a glass eye somewhere in your story. That's why Gluberg has a glass eye, though I guess I could have had Green throw an explosive glass eye at him. I do have a habit of repeating words. When I was trying to get a chapter critiqued, a guy mentioned that I used 'just' something like 23 times. Now, I panic every time I use that word somewhere. Okay, I'm ready. I'm sure I'll find something. I usually concentrate mostly on grammar (and yes, I know about English vs. American spelling. If I'm unsure about a word, I'll check it out before I go kamikaze XD). Thanks for the critique |
12-23-2017, 02:48 PM | #425 (permalink) | |
Born to be mild
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As to my story, unfortunately Karen felt sick today and the emergency doctor services decided to shut down, so I was prepared for a trip to the hospital, but have sorted it out now I hope. It does mean though that I hadn't the time to write the new story, but I'll try to get some of it done today and hopefully finish it tomorrow (it's nowhere near as long as Waiting For That Day...) and I'll post it then. Interested to hear your comments (or anyone else's, of course).
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12-23-2017, 02:56 PM | #426 (permalink) |
Call me Mustard
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Pepperland
Posts: 2,642
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I do a lot of re-reading actually. It's one reason you see a lot of edit notes in a lot of my posts.
I'm sorry to hear about Karen (Karen is your wife, right? I know you said something about a sister too). Anyway, I hope she feels better. Take your time with the story; I won't be going anywhere. |
12-23-2017, 06:28 PM | #427 (permalink) | |
Born to be mild
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12-24-2017, 06:05 PM | #428 (permalink) |
Born to be mild
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I'm working on two now, one a horror involving (yay!) vampires, the other a science-fiction with a Twilight Zone type of twist to it. Tentatively, they're going to be called Check and Mate and The Quarry respectively, though I may change those titles. Probably post both after Christmas. Have a good one!
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12-25-2017, 04:36 AM | #429 (permalink) |
Call me Mustard
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Pepperland
Posts: 2,642
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You too, Trolls. I started a Christmas thread as a trial balloon in Games. If that goes off well, I'll start the What Really Happened in Music thread. I might start doing reviews on really bad albums too next year.
In the meantime, you and Karen have a Merry Christmas and I await your next stories |
12-25-2017, 03:53 PM | #430 (permalink) |
Born to be mild
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Thanks, and you too.
I've changed the title of The Quarry already: now it's called The Ruins of Eden. I like this much more. I also have a third one on the go, it's called Get Your Filthy Hands Off My Planet! I'm keeping that one.
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