What are you Writing now? - Music Banter Music Banter

Go Back   Music Banter > Community Center > The Lounge
Register Blogging Today's Posts
Welcome to Music Banter Forum! Make sure to register - it's free and very quick! You have to register before you can post and participate in our discussions with over 70,000 other registered members. After you create your free account, you will be able to customize many options, you will have the full access to over 1,100,000 posts.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-22-2017, 04:27 PM   #411 (permalink)
.
 
grindy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: .
Posts: 7,201
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mondo Bungle View Post
I'm not that good the more I think about it
Your travel journey was the **** though.
__________________
A smell of petroleum prevails throughout.
grindy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2017, 04:28 PM   #412 (permalink)
Prepare 4 the Fight Scene
 
Mondo Bungle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 7,675
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by grindy View Post
Your travel journey was the **** though.
I dunno why though, I'm just saying what happened, which really wasn't much
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oriphiel View Post
Hmm, what's this in my pocket?

*epic guitar solo blasts into my face*

DAMN IT MONDO
Mondo Bungle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2017, 04:30 PM   #413 (permalink)
.
 
grindy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: .
Posts: 7,201
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mondo Bungle View Post
I dunno why though, I'm just saying what happened, which really wasn't much
But you told it in a cool way.
As I probably already said, it feels like a kind of modern "On The Road".
__________________
A smell of petroleum prevails throughout.
grindy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2017, 04:32 PM   #414 (permalink)
Prepare 4 the Fight Scene
 
Mondo Bungle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 7,675
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by grindy View Post
But you told it in a cool way.
that's the part I don't understand. But I mean you are your own worst critic
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oriphiel View Post
Hmm, what's this in my pocket?

*epic guitar solo blasts into my face*

DAMN IT MONDO
Mondo Bungle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2017, 04:35 PM   #415 (permalink)
Prepare 4 the Fight Scene
 
Mondo Bungle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 7,675
Default

I'll try to finish it then like I've said 219 times before, although some of the dialogue may have been fictionalized

plus the point I'm coming up on in the timeline is very blurry, it was a whack stretch in Colorado
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oriphiel View Post
Hmm, what's this in my pocket?

*epic guitar solo blasts into my face*

DAMN IT MONDO
Mondo Bungle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2017, 04:35 PM   #416 (permalink)
SOPHIE FOREVER
 
Frownland's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: East of the Southern North American West
Posts: 35,541
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rubber soul View Post
The first piece I never wrote on the other site; The second piece was when I was starting out and it isn't especially good. I did get some decent criticism on a couple chapters on the book I wrote and have yet to publish. Again they told me what they thought was wrong and one guy even gave me a couple ideas. I also entered a few contests finally winning one. I'd post that one but it was from a contest where you're doing a twist on somebody else's work.

Here's a flash fiction I wrote for a contest that was judged by three people. It's limited to 650 words so it isn't exactly fleshed out. Two people thought it was an original twist on James Bond while another, well, made Simon Cowell look like Polyanna of the seas. Anyway, there are many ways to do a critique (and no, I didn't win)
I liked how you used paragraphs.

Lot of exposition there, I would recommend trying to show more than you tell. A lot of your details seem to be there just to fill space, it would be better if they conveyed something meaningful about the character and a lot of your descriptors are used in a boring and unnecessary way, especially when you describe a scheme as dastardly or an obvious antagonist as evil. I also think that your characters need to grow more. What's the point of the story? Sure, he failed but I don't see how that affected him or the antagonist and I can't really tell why you're relaying it to me other than to tell me who invaded the Pentagon.
__________________
Studies show that when a given norm is changed in the face of the unchanging, the remaining contradictions will parallel the truth.

Frownland is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2017, 04:39 PM   #417 (permalink)
Call me Mustard
 
rubber soul's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Pepperland
Posts: 2,642
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Frownland View Post
I liked how you used paragraphs.

Lot of exposition there, I would recommend trying to show more than you tell. A lot of your details seem to be there just to fill space, it would be better if they conveyed something meaningful about the character and a lot of your descriptors are used in a boring and unnecessary way, especially when you describe a scheme as dastardly or an obvious antagonist as evil. I also think that your characters need to grow more. What's the point of the story? Sure, he escaped but I don't see how that affected him or why you're relaying it to me.

See, now that's what I mean by a constructive critique. That I can use.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pet_Sounds View Post
But looking for quality interaction on MB is like trying to stay hydrated by drinking salt water.
rubber soul is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2017, 05:16 PM   #418 (permalink)
Prepare 4 the Fight Scene
 
Mondo Bungle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 7,675
Default

**** yeah I did a new entry full of nothing

don't worry though I'm prety sure it picks up the next day
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oriphiel View Post
Hmm, what's this in my pocket?

*epic guitar solo blasts into my face*

DAMN IT MONDO
Mondo Bungle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2017, 06:52 PM   #419 (permalink)
Born to be mild
 
Trollheart's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: 404 Not Found
Posts: 26,992
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mondo Bungle View Post
I'm not that good the more I think about it
That's a lie: you are very good. You just need to settle your style down a little, and get that tenses thing under control.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rubber soul View Post
The first piece I never wrote on the other site; The second piece was when I was starting out and it isn't especially good. I did get some decent criticism on a couple chapters on the book I wrote and have yet to publish. Again they told me what they thought was wrong and one guy even gave me a couple ideas. I also entered a few contests finally winning one. I'd post that one but it was from a contest where you're doing a twist on somebody else's work.

Here's a flash fiction I wrote for a contest that was judged by three people. It's limited to 650 words so it isn't exactly fleshed out. Two people thought it was an original twist on James Bond while another, well, made Simon Cowell look like Polyanna of the seas. Anyway, there are many ways to do a critique (and no, I didn't win)
I can certainly critique this if you want, but if you're going to ignore my points or, to use one of Frownland's favourite words, just say I'm mean, I won't bother.

I do wonder though, why you keep posting stuff you say is not your good stuff? I mean, I have written tons of garbage in my time, but I'd never dream of posting the bad stuff. What's the point? If you know it sucks, then everyone else is going to know that too. Why not post something you're actually proud of? I wouldn't post anything here that I didn't think was good enough to be read.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mondo Bungle View Post
that's the part I don't understand. But I mean you are your own worst critic
If you're a good writer, then yes, you should be.
__________________
Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018
Trollheart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2017, 05:12 AM   #420 (permalink)
Call me Mustard
 
rubber soul's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Pepperland
Posts: 2,642
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trollheart View Post
If you know it sucks, then everyone else is going to know that too. Why not post something you're actually proud of? I wouldn't post anything here that I didn't think was good enough to be read.

I've got a question for you then. Why do you post your good stuff here instead of trying to get it published? My best stuff is the one book I wrote and even that still needs editing.

And you sure as hell ain't going to see that because if I ever do publish anything, it will be that. Besides, it wouldn't be dark enough for you anyway.

I'll write little snippets here and there on the boards, probably in the games section. And if you think it sucks, well,

But seriously, what's holding you back from getting a publisher? You could even self-publish your stuff these days if you're worried about rejection.

I'd still join a writing forum where you could at least protect your work while getting critiqued, though I'd advise against posting the entire book for a variety of reasons. Just submit a chapter or two and chances are it will be read, especially if it's good. Also make sure you reciprocate with your own critiques (which from what I've seen, shouldn't be a problem). At some forums it's even a requirement.

Anyway, I know I'm not the next Dostoevsky nor will I try to be. I just turned 56 and I have better things to do with my life, pathetic as it is.

But you are talented, Troll. Don't waste the talent on a f****** music site.


Still friends?
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pet_Sounds View Post
But looking for quality interaction on MB is like trying to stay hydrated by drinking salt water.
rubber soul is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Similar Threads



© 2003-2024 Advameg, Inc.