What are you Writing now?

grindy · 12-22-2017, 04:08 PM

Yeah, who cares what some MB *******s say about one's stuff.
I'm barely even traumatized and bitter from that one time I put something up here and nobody really dug it.

**Frownland** · 12-22-2017, 04:08 PM

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Originally Posted by rubber soul

I'm not looking for a pat on the back, but a little encouragement goes a long way. That's all I'm saying.

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It's kind of maybe trippy on one level

There's your pat, now embrace why you suck!

**Frownland** · 12-22-2017, 04:09 PM

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Originally Posted by grindy

Yeah, who cares what some MB *******s say about one's stuff.
I'm barely even traumatized and bitter from that one time I put something up here and nobody really dug it.

I really liked your imagery and style, but the concept was kind of lost on me. It was translated, right? Is there a big difference between the original and the English version in your eyes?

Trollheart · 12-22-2017, 04:13 PM

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Originally Posted by rubber soul

It's not that you critique so much, Trolls. It's more about style. At the writing forum we'd have to critique some pretty atrocious stuff as you can imagine. A good critique there would certainly attack the flaws with the piece, but then we'd say something encouraging mentioning the one or two things we'd actually like about a piece, kind of like you did in the second critique. I didn't see that in your first critique; the only thing I saw was that I sucked.

Well, since you seem to think I'm being harsh, let me be harsh: the first piece really had nothing to recommend it. Sorry but it didn't. It was so, so generic and when you mentioned Twilight Zone I was tempted to mention Tales From the Darkside (if you don't know it or have never heard of it, that's why: the writers try to be TZ but end up being more TMZ and the stories are absolutely awful). If there had been anything there I could encourage, I would, but you don't want me lying to you, do you?

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Anyway, I won't post any writing in this thread for a while. Certainly be constructive with your criticism, but don't come off like Simon Cowell if you want people to post their writing here.

It's not my thread, and I'm sure I wouldn't be the only one to, let's say, tear you a new one, if your writing deserved it. I've been picky about Mondo's writing on occasion too, and he's pretty good. Sure, it's tough laying out your work here and opening yourself up to criticism, but that's your choice. You can't expect people to pretend it's good if it isn't. If it doesn't spur you to write better, or differently, then it's probably wasted effort, but that would be the hope for me with any criticism given or received, that you look at your writing and ask yourself is that person right, and if so, how can you improve your work?

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Originally Posted by Frownland

Nah, you need to try to be less sensitive to criticism. TH wasn't even harsh with his comments and viewing them as such just tells me that you want a pat on the back instead of honest thoughts on your work. When you post something online, you need to be prepared for a response from Simon Cowell's bully's bully.

This is why I was amazed - and delighted, if slightly suspicious - when Frown complimented my writing in an earlier post. I know that if he hated it he would have had no hesitation, if fact would have taken I expect great pleasure, in telling me so. So, since he thought it was good, I had passed what I would consider the toughest test, and could feel good about my writing. In fairness though, had he pointed out some flaws I would have looked at them, not just taken offence. Every good writer needs to be able to take criticism. Just sayin'. What did your friends at the other forum think of those pieces?

rubber soul · 12-22-2017, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by grindy

Yeah, who cares what some MB *******s say about one's stuff.
I'm barely even traumatized and bitter from that one time I put something up here and nobody really dug it.

Yeah, I'll get over it

Where's your piece, Grindy? I'll look at it,

grindy · 12-22-2017, 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frownland

I really liked your imagery and style, but the concept was kind of lost on me. It was translated, right? Is there a big difference between the original and the English version in your eyes?

A little less bitter now.

I guess there is. German is just better suited for long-ass sentences.
Pretty sure I'm also not the greatest translator.
The concept might still be lost on you in the original as well, though.

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Originally Posted by rubber soul

Yeah, I'll get over it

Where's your piece, Grindy? I'll look at it,

http://www.musicbanter.com/lounge/84...ml#post1647858

Here you go.

Mondo Bungle · 12-22-2017, 04:23 PM

I'm not that good the more I think about it

rubber soul · 12-22-2017, 04:24 PM

The first piece I never wrote on the other site; The second piece was when I was starting out and it isn't especially good. I did get some decent criticism on a couple chapters on the book I wrote and have yet to publish. Again they told me what they thought was wrong and one guy even gave me a couple ideas. I also entered a few contests finally winning one. I'd post that one but it was from a contest where you're doing a twist on somebody else's work.

Here's a flash fiction I wrote for a contest that was judged by three people. It's limited to 650 words so it isn't exactly fleshed out. Two people thought it was an original twist on James Bond while another, well, made Simon Cowell look like Polyanna of the seas. Anyway, there are many ways to do a critique (and no, I didn't win)

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Agent in a trap

“Do you have any last words Mr. Green?”

Sam Green of the FBI glared at his captor as he lay in his death trap struggling to escape from what looked like a giant mouse trap. “You won’t get away with this, Gluberg,” Sam said with a sneer.

Sam was sent by his superiors to prevent the diabolical Gluberg from his evil plans to take over the Pentagon with his new and improved death ray. Gluberg, however, proved to have the upper hand, catching the unsuspecting agent in an elaborate trap. Now Sam was secure in the giant contraption waiting for the bar holding the hammer to spring, thus sealing his fate.

Gluberg looked at the helpless agent through his glass eye. “In just five minutes the catch controlling the holding bar will release the hammer, and within an instant, your head will be smashed into guacamole.” The bald-headed monster then let out a maniacal laugh as he prepared to take his leave. “I must depart now Mr. Green. Sweet Dreams.” Gluberg dropped a capsule, and vanished in a cloud of smoke.

Sam was desperately left to his own devices. He was a clever agent who had been through similar death traps, always able to escape in the nick of time. Sam was confident that this would be no exception. As with other villains, Gluberg never thought to search Sam’s underwear. This is where Sam kept an emergency kit where he kept certain gadgets to assist in dire situations such as this. The agent looked at the clock on the wall. He had less than five minutes to escape.

Sam was able to get his hands inside his underwear, and found his utility pouch. The crafty agent was able to retrieve his trusty pocket knife to cut the binds. He began to slice into the binds carefully with his fingers. Within seconds, it was obvious that the binds were too strong for the super sharp knife. Sam had to dig into his underwear to find another device that would untie him. He looked at the clock. There were three minutes left.

Sam retrieved a mini-blowtorch from his emergency kit. This had to work. He was able to set the flame, and aim it on the binds. The flames couldn’t penetrate the steely rope either. It did give the agent a pretty solid first degree burn, however. He dropped the blowtorch, and took another glance at the clock. Two minutes left.

Sam still felt confident he could escape from this dastardly trap as he again reached for his emergency kit. This time he retrieved a special substance that could melt steel without hurting his hands. This had to be successful. Sam went to work, and somehow was able to pour the substance on the steel binds with his fingers. Within seconds smoke emerged from the steely binds. Sam took another look at the clock. Still ninety seconds left. Sam patiently waited for the liquid to work. He took another look at…..

Snap!

Gluberg returned to the scene of the crime with his cat Little Frisky. He looked at the mess that was once agent Sam Green. “I forgot to tell you Mr. Green. The clock was exactly one minute and twenty-two seconds too fast.” Gluberg took out his glass eye, and let out another maniacal laugh as he gloated over the splattered brains of Sam Green. “Goodbye, Mr. Green. Now the Pentagon is mine.”

Trollheart · 12-22-2017, 04:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rubber soul

Yeah, I'll get over it

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trollheart

If it doesn't spur you to write better, or differently, then it's probably wasted effort, but that would be the hope for me with any criticism given or received, that you look at your writing and ask yourself is that person right, and if so, how can you improve your work?

Mondo Bungle · 12-22-2017, 04:26 PM

I have a lot written for like 9 different stories though and I'ma post my sci fi comedy when I can type it

it was gonna be for the contest but it's too long as usual

12-22-2017, 04:08 PM	#401 (permalink)
grindy . Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: . Posts: 7,201	Yeah, who cares what some MB *****s say about one's stuff. I'm barely even traumatized and bitter from that one time I put something up here and nobody really dug it. __________________ A smell of petroleum prevails throughout.**