What are you Writing now?

**Frownland** · 12-21-2017, 09:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rubber soul

What can I say? I'm not really a dark writer, but I'll try to get darker for my sequel

Be careful, blackface is generally frowned upon in modern times.

Oriphiel · 12-21-2017, 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frownland

Be careful, blackface is generally frowned upon in modern times.

That's only one of the reasons people boo your shows.

**Frownland** · 12-21-2017, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oriphiel

Speaking from experience?

One little slip at a tar pit is all it takes to get your ass kicked.

Oriphiel · 12-21-2017, 10:02 AM

Got edit ninja'd.

Btw, just shut up and let him borrow your shoe polish already.

**Frownland** · 12-21-2017, 10:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oriphiel

That's only one of the reasons people boo your shows.

The sustained periods of silence are difficult to pull off when they do that. Sucks.

Trollheart · 12-21-2017, 06:06 PM

Man, I hate to do this when you've been so effusive in your praise of my writing, but, um, that was ... pretty bad. It was kind of something that went nowhere. I mean, we all knew there was (probably) a monster under Timmy's bed, but was it like maybe an extension of him? Would it not have been better to send it to Billy's father's, kick the **** out of him, break his hold on the town, then remind the father who he was? The father, remembering blocked memories from his broken childhood, starts breaking down, Billy comes in, see his dad, is disgusted, but knows that with the breakdown of his father and the eventual news of this that will get around, his hold on the school is forever broken....

A little darker, a little less obvious? Maybe.
Sorry: wish I could be more supportive, but, well ... needs work. A lot of work.

rubber soul · 12-22-2017, 06:19 AM

Well, I don't know what to tell you. I'm not a horror writer nor do I want to be. I do have a satire on a visit to Hell but that isn't especially dark either. I'm saving that one because I may try to get that published.

The short story is a rough draft so I wasn't expecting someone to scream classic. I did want the bully to be the antagonist. The father was added as more of a stream of consciousness thought really. I had to have a reason why Billy was getting away with his antics while no one did anything about it. Anyway, different styles for different folks, I guess.

Trollheart · 12-22-2017, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rubber soul

Well, I don't know what to tell you. I'm not a horror writer nor do I want to be. I do have a satire on a visit to Hell but that isn't especially dark either. I'm saving that one because I may try to get that published.

The short story is a rough draft so I wasn't expecting someone to scream classic. I did want the bully to be the antagonist. The father was added as more of a stream of consciousness thought really. I had to have a reason why Billy was getting away with his antics while no one did anything about it. Anyway, different styles for different folks, I guess.

Sure, but the story was so safe and predictable it could have been a Pixar movie.
Some suggestions:
1) The monster attacks Billy, he kicks the **** out of it, sends it back whimpering under Timmy's bed
2) The monster attacks Billy, who sics his OWN under-the-bed monster on it, so that Timmy's monster is now being bullied
3) The monster attacks Timmy's parents, for not standing up for him or believing him. That could go really dark
4) The monster attacks Timmy, for being such a wuss

Just some ideas.

Oriphiel · 12-22-2017, 02:39 PM

5) There was no monster under the bed, it was just Frownland eating donuts in blackface.

rubber soul · 12-22-2017, 02:53 PM

You really need a laugh button here.

Well, like I said, I don't really write dark. I'm actually more comfortable writing comedy/satire.

I'm also now a little nervous about a mock thread I'm thinking of starting next year called 'what really happened in music on this day.' I wont mind the good natured (or not so good natured) ribbing that I've come to expect here, but what if that fear of rejection ends up being justified again? It's hard to put yourself out there sometimes.

Anyway, as I said, I really don't write horror and this wasn't really intended as such, more like a gentle Twilight Zone really. I also know I've written better. I can show you a couple things I wrote on my old writing site for a better feel on how I write. I wish I could post part of the one thing I really am proud of, but like I said before, I may actually publish it once I'm actually happy with the edit someday. At least I know my friend from Croatia likes it.

12-21-2017, 10:02 AM	#384 (permalink)
Oriphiel Ask me how! Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: The States Posts: 5,354	Got edit ninja'd. Btw, just shut up and let him borrow your shoe polish already. __________________ ---------------------- \|---Mic's Albums---\| ---------------------- ----------------------------- \|---Deafbox Industries---\| -----------------------------

12-21-2017, 06:06 PM	#386 (permalink)
Trollheart Born to be mild Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 404 Not Found Posts: 26,992	Man, I hate to do this when you've been so effusive in your praise of my writing, but, um, that was ... pretty bad. It was kind of something that went nowhere. I mean, we all knew there was (probably) a monster under Timmy's bed, but was it like maybe an extension of him? Would it not have been better to send it to Billy's father's, kick the **** out of him, break his hold on the town, then remind the father who he was? The father, remembering blocked memories from his broken childhood, starts breaking down, Billy comes in, see his dad, is disgusted, but knows that with the breakdown of his father and the eventual news of this that will get around, his hold on the school is forever broken.... A little darker, a little less obvious? Maybe. Sorry: wish I could be more supportive, but, well ... needs work. A lot of work. __________________ Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

12-22-2017, 02:39 PM	#389 (permalink)
Oriphiel Ask me how! Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: The States Posts: 5,354	5) There was no monster under the bed, it was just Frownland eating donuts in blackface. __________________ ---------------------- \|---Mic's Albums---\| ---------------------- ----------------------------- \|---Deafbox Industries---\| -----------------------------