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Old 05-04-2017, 05:39 AM   #221 (permalink)
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I'm writing about a ship.
how did it go down?
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I'm not even mad. Seriously I'm not. You're a good dude, and I think and hope you'll become something good
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Old 05-04-2017, 06:11 AM   #222 (permalink)
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how did it go down?


I think the plot is just barely keeping afloat.
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Old 05-04-2017, 10:36 AM   #223 (permalink)
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i can't wait to sea how it ends
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I'm not even mad. Seriously I'm not. You're a good dude, and I think and hope you'll become something good
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Old 05-04-2017, 10:37 AM   #224 (permalink)
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how did it go down?
It's kind of not even a ship but still a ship if you get what I mean because I'm deep like that.
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Old 05-04-2017, 10:41 AM   #225 (permalink)
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so it's a SPACE ship?


bomb
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I'm not even mad. Seriously I'm not. You're a good dude, and I think and hope you'll become something good
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Old 05-04-2017, 11:19 AM   #226 (permalink)
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That joke is sunk.
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There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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Old 05-04-2017, 01:56 PM   #227 (permalink)
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For, against or neutral?
I have to argue either for or against mandatory labelling. I chose for because it's the easier side to argue. Personally, I'm indifferent on the labelling issue.
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Old 05-04-2017, 02:56 PM   #228 (permalink)
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how did it go down?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trollheart View Post


I think the plot is just barely keeping afloat.
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Originally Posted by Qwertyy View Post
i can't wait to sea how it ends
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It's kind of not even a ship but still a ship if you get what I mean because I'm deep like that.
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so it's a SPACE ship?


bomb
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That joke is sunk.
Yes. To all of this.
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Old 05-04-2017, 07:57 PM   #229 (permalink)
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would anyone wanna read my prologue

Spoiler for captain:
Captain Windsor Krade kept his steps light and deliberate as he searched the abandoned vessel. A large and greatly intricate ship that appeared to be crafted by meticulous hands, a ship designed beyond perfectionism. The exterior hull was simple enough, nothing to set it apart from the endless galleons that did stride the sea, though Krade would find himself completely mesmerized and awestruck as he descended the stairs to the dark under quarters. The sparse light of long burning candles illuminated the awesome scenes depicted on these walls. Massive deities conjured from the furthest reaches of the mind, gladiator manned chariots that seemed to rush furiously into battle right before the Captain's eyes. Entire kingdoms, empires, all carved into the cold-moulded timber. Fantastic mountains and lakes, wild and unfamiliar life everywhere throughout the walls. There was no break in the murals, ever changing scenes of the spectacular extended completely across the hall. Krade reached the bottom of the stairs to see a single door directly before him. It would almost appear that the hall stretches as far as it does for the sole purpose of housing this grand spectacle of art. He turned his head to scan the halls on either side. The carving continued as far as he could see before the halls would dissolve into darkness. In fact, Krade didn't know for sure how long the corridor extended, the already dim candle light only stretched so far. There were two candelabras on the frame at the very bottom of the stairs, and in between was the Captain. He soon would fix his gaze upon the door. The door looked to be crafted from a different timber, much darker in hue than the rest of the ship. After two slow and careful steps forward, Krade extended his slightly trembling hand and ran his fingertips lightly over the wood. It was smooth and polished, the sensation of this deep and slick surface upon the Captain's fingers was pleasant. No handle was to be found on the door, it would begin to open as soon as it was felt.

"Aye?" The Captain solemnly called. "Is there anyone present to claim ownership of this vessel?" His voice did not echo far, though it still hung firmly in the dark. With his fingertips still examining the door, Krade looked back down the hall on either side of him once more. The light diminished at the same spot. To himself the Captain thought. These candles are old,they've been burning for quite some time. He looked to the floor beneath each fixture and saw no melted wax, just smooth timber akin to the door's. The flame of each candle was still, no fluttering about in the wind. They cast a curious light upon the majestic walls, shadows and highlights of dull orange formed within each depression, even the most miniscule carvings. "Aye?" He called one more time, his voice reserved. Krade let the door swing open after a gentle push, before the ship rocked him off balance. He let out a quick yelp of startled terror. The door opened to reveal nothing but the sea. Turbulent waves crashed before the Captain while his knuckles turned white with an unrelenting grip of the door frame. More waves would soon knock him down onto his back, almost all the way to the stairs he had descended. The door swung shut swiftly and latched in place. The shaken Captain rose to his feet. He once again scanned the hall, before turning around to leave the ship's quarters.

"Have you met the sea... Captain?" Before even reaching the second step Krade found himself on the floor again. A powerful voice that emanated everywhere at once responded to him, and startled as he was, was knocked off his feet by pure shock.His heart began pounding with a fury he'd never felt before, and his breathing grew rapid and uncontrollable.

"Who's there?" His voice cracked.

"Have you met the sea... Captain?" The voice repeated. Krade managed to pull himself up despite his quivering nerves. He shakily felt for his gun, holstered on his right hip,and clutched the handle, but did not draw the weapon.

"This is Captain Windsor Krade, and I demand to see the owner of this ship!" Adrenaline was rushing throughout the Captain's body while he searched for the authority he normally carried in his voice.

There was a silence.

"Why have you boarded this vessel... Captain?"

"I need not answer a man that hides! I don't know where you are but if you could, show yourself and your ownership!" The Captain's voice was slowly regaining it's former valor.

"How do you expect me to do that... Captain?"

"Have you a document? I found this ship idle in the sea and simply want to-"

"Do you love the sea... Captain?" The voice cut through Krade's, who grew frustrated.

"Alright, I don't want to play your games. I don't even care anymore. Not about you or the ship. Are you that small that you must speak out of my sight?" Krade began once again to climb the stairs.

"But why have you boarded this vessel... Captain?"

"That's of no matter."

"Do you seek the riches therein... Captain?" Krade ignored the question and kept up the stairs, upon reaching the door to the main deck, he found it locked. "Do you take from the sea... Captain?" He turned around and finally drew the gun he'd been holding. "Come back downstairs, and open the door... Captain."

"You'd see me dead!" Krade scoffed. "Is that your idea of a joke? Leave a door here to simply drop unsuspecting souls into the sea, should they haste?"

"It is the only way out... Captain."

"Where are you, damn it?!" The fear that previously incapacitated Captain Krade would now bubble into rage. "I'll forget the ship, and whatever perverted operations you conduct here. I wish to leave!"

"Open the door... Captain. Please." Krade looked back to the locked door before him then started down the stairs. His pulse continued to rise and his extremities grew cold. It was a mess within the Captain's mind as of now. "There is no man... Captain." Krade's grip on the gun loosened slightly while his palms began to perspire.

"I don't understand." His voice lowered as well.

"Are you here to take from the sea... Captain?"

"I suppose I would have commandeered this ship if it were empty. But that's not really important anymore, is it?"

"You did wish to see me... Is that correct... Captain?"

"Please, I'm beginning to feel quite ill. Nothing of the like is important anymore. The ship was still. The sail was packed up. I thought it had been abandoned so I boarded to investigate. Should no soul claim ownership of the vessel, I-" The Captain paused. "I am no thief!" His voice wavered.

"Have you met the sea... Captain? Had you been called upon by the sea..? Why are you here... Captain? Here... At sea?" Krade was silent while he searched for an answer. He grew ever more frightened and vulnerable.

"For adventure." He responded. "And an obscure longing of the sea. A captain is free, and endless are the waves. I'm sure I am not alone when I say, I feel at ease here. I have met the sea, and I do love the sea."

"Yet you take from the sea... Captain."

"Please!" The Captain shouted maniacally.

"This vessel does not exist for man... Captain." All at once the flames of the candles extinguished,and the Captain stood enveloped in darkness, only from beyond the beautiful door did shine a light. "The sea does not exist for man... Captain." The door swung open violently to reveal again the raging waters. "Why do you take from the sea... The sea you claim invites you... The sea where you are apparently at ease..." Krade's emotions rock as vehemently as the ship in the waves. Tears begin to form in his eyes. "Why do you take from me... Captain?" He looked up to the mysterious sea beyond the door with eyes glazed over and red.

"What are you saying?" He struggled.

"Are you no thief.. Captain?" The voice somehow grew more menacing to the Captain's ears. "You do not seek freedom at sea... Captain. You are a pathetic criminal. And this I know... Captain." Heavier streams of tears flow down the Captain's face.

"I'm sorry." He whimpers. "Please, I'm sorry." The furious ocean before the Captain began to take on alien forms, as if it were alive.

"You aren't going to die today... Captain. Don't weep for your life." But the Captain, now on his knees,continued sobbing. "Step through the door... Captain."

"I-What are you doing?" Krade managed through the sobs.

"You have not met the sea... Captain. But if you feel that it calls out to you, that you can make its acquaintance, then step through the door." Krade rose to his feet once again.

"No!" He shouted defiantly. "You'll have me dead!" The door slammed shut yet again, and the candles re-ignited.

"I told you... Captain., you were not to die today. Perhaps you should, scum that you are. "

"I'll say it again, I am no thief! The sea is my home!" There was a pause in all activity. The Captain heard no voice respond, and no waves struck the ship's hull. He turned around to see that the door atop the stairs was open again, and he rushed outside frantically. Not bothering to re holster his gun, he ran across the deck to the bridge extending from his own ship. He let up the sail hoping to retreat as quick as humanly possible.

"No... Captain. You have yet to meet the sea."
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Hmm, what's this in my pocket?

*epic guitar solo blasts into my face*

DAMN IT MONDO
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Old 05-04-2017, 08:57 PM   #230 (permalink)
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All right, first impressions: the voice is that of a living ship, perhaps manned by some dead captain? Ship of the dead? Anyway, very well written as always, and sorry to be pointing out errors but you know that I said I find myself doing this as well. You're slipping tenses here and there, past to present. Just to point it out in case you're not aware.

It sounds quite interesting and I'd like to see where it goes.

If you get a chance, would you have a look at the extracts from my novel and give me your thoughts?

Great job.
TH
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