Where did it all go wrong/right for you?

Astronomer · 10-05-2009, 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by +81

Thanks, Lateralus. Hopefully it will all work out. What did you major/minor in and what are you doing now, if I may ask?

I did a Bachelor of Arts majoring in English and Media Studies and minored in Sociology. Now I'm doing a postgraduate Teaching diploma, so I'll end up teaching high school English/Media/Humanities. Not something I envisioned when I started my BA but something I love now!

+81 · 10-05-2009, 05:20 PM

I'm glad to hear you'll be doing something that makes you happy.

By the way, I checked out your youtube channel. You make some nice music.

music_phantom13 · 10-14-2009, 12:21 AM

I'm kind of in the middle of fixing ****.

I did great in high school, started smoking pot in sophomore year I believe but graduated with a 3.6 and got accepted into University of Maryland's computer science program. I wasn't really sure about it, but I'm pretty good at math and working with computers and my mom's a computer scientist and I felt a bit pressured into it, plus I wanted to see what it was like. I never thought about the possibility of waiting a year before going to school, and in hindsight that probably would have been the best thing I could have done.

My high school was in a great area, I live in Fairfax County which is a bunch of rich people, but there was a huge heroin problem. So, sadly, summer after I graduated, I got into it a bit with my best friend, Jenna, who was coming with me to Maryland to study biology. When we got there, we both went downhill pretty fast. Somehow, we both got through the first semester; she did better than me as I ended up on academic probation because of heroin and taking classes I hated. We managed to curb our problem by staying together and avoiding it for the most part, during winter break and the beginning of the next semester, but then we got sucked back in together and we both ended up failing out. Then, in October, she overdosed and went to the hospital. I spent the night there terrified I would lose her, but she somehow pulled through. I completely quit for a while at that point, but still wasn't doing **** with my life but smoking weed. About a month later, being the dumbasses that her and I are, we went back. We got sucked in again badly. I still signed up for classes for the next semester, and started dating an ex, though I was and am in love with Jenna. Jenna's New Year's resolution was to get sober, and I told her I would do it with her. But I went about three days before going back, and I ended up sucking her in as well.

Then, in January a week before classes were supposed to start, my girlfriend broke up with me, and I was pissed off. Jenna called me and told me she really needed me to come see her, but instead I decided to tell her to **** off and make her cry. I guess I was angry that she didn't seem to care that my girlfriend broke up with me and decided to ignore her. I should have known why she was calling, but for what ever reason I did nothing. Later that night, I got a call from her roommate to tell me she had found her passed out with a needle and dope, and it was too late.

Withdrawal was tough but really not too hard for me to get through compared to how I felt. Shortly after, I got a job working full time doing networking and IT stuff, which I like, and now I'm waiting to leave for 4 years in the Navy to work on the electronics in planes in January. I'm done with drugs now, but I do enjoy my alcohol sometimes. I'm taking classes this fall too after work, and I'm getting all A's so I'd say I've started turning things around.

That said, because of my addiction and stupidity I caused my best friend to get back into something she probably could have escaped from that ended up killing her. And the last time I talked to her I made her cry, and didn't so much as mutter a sorry. Now instead of a best friend to visit, I have a ****ing rock on the ground and a few pictures, nightmares of her crying and hearing that phone call, and the weight of the fact that if I had just put aside my stupid problems for a few minutes she might still be here. I guess the point is, you're human and make mistakes, but don't go doing something as stupid as I did. Heroin's a hell of a drug, don't get mixed up in that ****. And try to remember, you never know when it might be the last time you get to talk to someone, and I hope no one else has to find out what it's like when it ends on a bad note.

Doubt anyone cares, but that's my story.

VEGANGELICA · 10-14-2009, 10:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by music_phantom13

My high school was in a great area, I live in Fairfax County which is a bunch of rich people, but there was a huge heroin problem. So, sadly, summer after I graduated, I got into it a bit with my best friend, Jenna, who was coming with me to Maryland to study biology. When we got there, we both went downhill pretty fast.

Then, in January a week before classes were supposed to start, my girlfriend broke up with me, and I was pissed off. Jenna called me and told me she really needed me to come see her, but instead I decided to tell her to **** off and make her cry. I should have known why she was calling, but for what ever reason I did nothing. Later that night, I got a call from her roommate to tell me she had found her passed out with a needle and dope, and it was too late.

That said, because of my addiction and stupidity I caused my best friend to get back into something she probably could have escaped from that ended up killing her. And the last time I talked to her I made her cry, and didn't so much as mutter a sorry. Now instead of a best friend to visit, I have a ****ing rock on the ground and a few pictures, nightmares of her crying and hearing that phone call, and the weight of the fact that if I had just put aside my stupid problems for a few minutes she might still be here. I guess the point is, you're human and make mistakes, but don't go doing something as stupid as I did. Heroin's a hell of a drug, don't get mixed up in that ****. And try to remember, you never know when it might be the last time you get to talk to someone, and I hope no one else has to find out what it's like when it ends on a bad note.

Doubt anyone cares, but that's my story.

Thank you for sharing what happened to you and Jenna, music_phantom13. Living with guilt and regret about one's choices is very hard.

You wrote that "I caused my best friend to get back into something she probably could have escaped from that ended up killing her." While I don't know exactly what happened, when I read that you feel you caused Jenna to do something, I find myself wanting to say that unless you forced her to make the choices she made, Jenna was still responsible for her own choices (as much as one can be when one is addicted to a drug). If someone's hold on life or death rests primarily on another person's shoulders, then this is a huge psychological burden to place on another person.

"You never know when it might be the last time you get to talk to someone," is a good reminder not to take others for granted. Your experiences remind me how important it is to encourage others to take paths that don't involve self-harm, and also how important it is to realize that all humans, all of us, make mistakes. Thanks again for sharing what you have learned during your own life so that hopefully others won't have to go through the same thing as you and Jenna.

FETCHER. · 10-14-2009, 12:44 PM

wow ive kind of avoided this thread since it opened, thanks for sharing Veg & Music Phantom, its somewhat inspiring that you's brought yourselfs from something real bad, to being great again, thats really really inspirational. if thats even a word.

WolfAtTheDoor · 10-14-2009, 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kayleigh.

wow ive kind of avoided this thread since it opened, thanks for sharing Veg & Music Phantom, its somewhat inspiring that you's brought yourselfs from something real bad, to being great again, thats really really inspirational. if thats even a word.

I agree. Even though the internet has its many many faults, it can't be denied that its a fantastic way to communicate. The fact that there's so many different stories, heartaches and triumphs behind each username is a bit overwhelming.

music_phantom13 · 10-14-2009, 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA

You wrote that "I caused my best friend to get back into something she probably could have escaped from that ended up killing her." While I don't know exactly what happened, when I read that you feel you caused Jenna to do something, I find myself wanting to say that unless you forced her to make the choices she made, Jenna was still responsible for her own choices (as much as one can be when one is addicted to a drug).

I know that's true, and it's really illogical, but I still can't get myself to accept it... But you're right. Glad some people took the time to read that, I know it was long but pretty hard to write.

LoathsomePete · 10-14-2009, 10:41 PM

I can think of two cataclysmic events in my life that have attributed to where I'm at now. The interesting thing though is that I'm not sure if both the events were a positive or negative thing.

The first event was my first real job when I was 15 at a lumberyard. I had to be up at 5:30 A.M. so I could get there on time and was expected to work just as hard as the other workers there. At first I absolutely detested the job and was pretty adamant that I was never going to go back once the summer was up. Towards the middle of the summer I started to enjoy going to work, there were a few people there who were incredibly intelligent beyond the world of lumber and thus was able to learn a lot from them. When the summer was up I had this real work ethic built up in me, as well as the knowledge of how to safely operate and work with a forklift. This proved to be invaluable after I graduated high school and blew a small inheritance on travel and alcohol. It put me in a situation that many people my age weren't as fortunate to have. Sure I had to be up early and bear the elements, but I was making 15 bucks an hour with a high school education.

This is where the uncertainty comes into play because I knew I could survive and live quite comfortably without the need to go to school so why bother? This has been the decision that's been niggling at me for almost two years now. On the one hand I made a promise to my parents that I would go to school, on the other I have no real interest in actually doing it. I had to put up with enough bullshit in high school and at work I was getting the recognition on the work I was doing and not how well I can punctuate a paragraph or solve some equation that I'll never see ever again. The fact of the matter is simple, I can survive working in lumberyards, I'm good at it and I kind of enjoy it. Is it what I want to do forever? Probably not, but is getting a piece of paper going to ensure that I do what I want? Well the chances are higher, but I've met enough college graduates who end up at some crappy desk job that eats away at their soul (something I can fully understand now). While my time in the lumberyard has instilled a very good work ethic and forced me to mature faster, as well as given me a more realistic view on the working force, it's also provided an "easy way out" so to speak.

So that's number one, number two (hehe) is a bit more bizarre, but it's the honest truth. OK so what's the number two (hehe) thing that's gone right/ wrong... the novel Trainspotting written by Irvine Welsh.

Many many moons ago a wide-eyed 16 year old version of me was in the bookstore looking for a new book to read. My dad had recently begun to talk to me about the movie Trainspotting, going so far as to making me watch the scene where Renton and Sick Boy were talking about their philosophies of life... then shooting a Skin Head's dog in the bollocks causing it to attack it's owner. I wasn't very intrigued by the scene, however as I was in the bookstore I saw the title and decided to give it a try. I was not aware at the time that the book was written in a Scottish dialect so my first read took some time, however I found myself entranced by this alternative way of thinking. I became... slightly obsessed with this book, getting everything else Irvine Welsh had written after (which wasn't as good) and trying to get into this man's psyche, as demented as it was. This was around the time that I really started to think of the world in a more cynical way, it was also when the word cunt entered my daily vocab. I found this deep sense of sincerity in Welshes' writing, brutally honest and abrasive, a sink or swim type of thinking, much like our own world.

I think upon first glance it's pretty easy to see that this book has had more of a negative effect on my life. However in our current age of people barely reading, the fact that a book had such a large effect on someone's life is truly a remarkable thing, for better or for worse.

asshat · 10-14-2009, 11:11 PM

There's a silver lining on every cloud,

I've got aspergers syndrome/add/bipolar disorder
...which means I get a **** of load of grant money for going to school, and assignment extensions when I know for a fact I was too damn lazy to finish it on time.

My family was poor growing up.
...which means I have more working class cred, and nobody can accuse me of being a whiny middle class emo kid when I become a musician.

dac · 10-14-2009, 11:20 PM

This thread really makes me realize how insignificant some of the shit I get worked up over really is.

10-14-2009, 10:41 PM	#28 (permalink)
LoathsomePete Cardboard Box Realtor Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Hobb's End Posts: 7,648	I can think of two cataclysmic events in my life that have attributed to where I'm at now. The interesting thing though is that I'm not sure if both the events were a positive or negative thing. The first event was my first real job when I was 15 at a lumberyard. I had to be up at 5:30 A.M. so I could get there on time and was expected to work just as hard as the other workers there. At first I absolutely detested the job and was pretty adamant that I was never going to go back once the summer was up. Towards the middle of the summer I started to enjoy going to work, there were a few people there who were incredibly intelligent beyond the world of lumber and thus was able to learn a lot from them. When the summer was up I had this real work ethic built up in me, as well as the knowledge of how to safely operate and work with a forklift. This proved to be invaluable after I graduated high school and blew a small inheritance on travel and alcohol. It put me in a situation that many people my age weren't as fortunate to have. Sure I had to be up early and bear the elements, but I was making 15 bucks an hour with a high school education. This is where the uncertainty comes into play because I knew I could survive and live quite comfortably without the need to go to school so why bother? This has been the decision that's been niggling at me for almost two years now. On the one hand I made a promise to my parents that I would go to school, on the other I have no real interest in actually doing it. I had to put up with enough bullshit in high school and at work I was getting the recognition on the work I was doing and not how well I can punctuate a paragraph or solve some equation that I'll never see ever again. The fact of the matter is simple, I can survive working in lumberyards, I'm good at it and I kind of enjoy it. Is it what I want to do forever? Probably not, but is getting a piece of paper going to ensure that I do what I want? Well the chances are higher, but I've met enough college graduates who end up at some crappy desk job that eats away at their soul (something I can fully understand now). While my time in the lumberyard has instilled a very good work ethic and forced me to mature faster, as well as given me a more realistic view on the working force, it's also provided an "easy way out" so to speak. So that's number one, number two (hehe) is a bit more bizarre, but it's the honest truth. OK so what's the number two (hehe) thing that's gone right/ wrong... the novel Trainspotting written by Irvine Welsh. Many many moons ago a wide-eyed 16 year old version of me was in the bookstore looking for a new book to read. My dad had recently begun to talk to me about the movie Trainspotting, going so far as to making me watch the scene where Renton and Sick Boy were talking about their philosophies of life... then shooting a Skin Head's dog in the bollocks causing it to attack it's owner. I wasn't very intrigued by the scene, however as I was in the bookstore I saw the title and decided to give it a try. I was not aware at the time that the book was written in a Scottish dialect so my first read took some time, however I found myself entranced by this alternative way of thinking. I became... slightly obsessed with this book, getting everything else Irvine Welsh had written after (which wasn't as good) and trying to get into this man's psyche, as demented as it was. This was around the time that I really started to think of the world in a more cynical way, it was also when the word cunt entered my daily vocab. I found this deep sense of sincerity in Welshes' writing, brutally honest and abrasive, a sink or swim type of thinking, much like our own world. I think upon first glance it's pretty easy to see that this book has had more of a negative effect on my life. However in our current age of people barely reading, the fact that a book had such a large effect on someone's life is truly a remarkable thing, for better or for worse. __________________ Last.FM 101 Albums That May Not Change Your Life, But I Really Like And You Might Too

10-14-2009, 11:11 PM	#29 (permalink)
asshat king of sex Join Date: May 2009 Location: canada Posts: 331	There's a silver lining on every cloud, I've got aspergers syndrome/add/bipolar disorder ...which means I get a **** of load of grant money for going to school, and assignment extensions when I know for a fact I was too damn lazy to finish it on time. My family was poor growing up. ...which means I have more working class cred, and nobody can accuse me of being a whiny middle class emo kid when I become a musician. __________________ Rye Catcher II: Electric Boogaloo http://oldhickory666.blogspot.com/

10-14-2009, 11:20 PM	#30 (permalink)
dac MB's Biggest Fanboy Join Date: May 2008 Location: Cloud Cuckoo Land Posts: 2,852	This thread really makes me realize how insignificant some of the shit I get worked up over really is. __________________

10-05-2009, 05:20 PM	#22 (permalink)
+81 Rats off to ya! Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: House of the Ju-Ju Queen Posts: 1,609	I'm glad to hear you'll be doing something that makes you happy. By the way, I checked out your youtube channel. You make some nice music.

10-14-2009, 12:21 AM	#23 (permalink)
music_phantom13 Music Addict Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Pittsburgh, PA Posts: 942	I'm kind of in the middle of fixing **. I did great in high school, started smoking pot in sophomore year I believe but graduated with a 3.6 and got accepted into University of Maryland's computer science program. I wasn't really sure about it, but I'm pretty good at math and working with computers and my mom's a computer scientist and I felt a bit pressured into it, plus I wanted to see what it was like. I never thought about the possibility of waiting a year before going to school, and in hindsight that probably would have been the best thing I could have done. My high school was in a great area, I live in Fairfax County which is a bunch of rich people, but there was a huge heroin problem. So, sadly, summer after I graduated, I got into it a bit with my best friend, Jenna, who was coming with me to Maryland to study biology. When we got there, we both went downhill pretty fast. Somehow, we both got through the first semester; she did better than me as I ended up on academic probation because of heroin and taking classes I hated. We managed to curb our problem by staying together and avoiding it for the most part, during winter break and the beginning of the next semester, but then we got sucked back in together and we both ended up failing out. Then, in October, she overdosed and went to the hospital. I spent the night there terrified I would lose her, but she somehow pulled through. I completely quit for a while at that point, but still wasn't doing with my life but smoking weed. About a month later, being the dumbasses that her and I are, we went back. We got sucked in again badly. I still signed up for classes for the next semester, and started dating an ex, though I was and am in love with Jenna. Jenna's New Year's resolution was to get sober, and I told her I would do it with her. But I went about three days before going back, and I ended up sucking her in as well. Then, in January a week before classes were supposed to start, my girlfriend broke up with me, and I was pissed off. Jenna called me and told me she really needed me to come see her, but instead I decided to tell her to off and make her cry. I guess I was angry that she didn't seem to care that my girlfriend broke up with me and decided to ignore her. I should have known why she was calling, but for what ever reason I did nothing. Later that night, I got a call from her roommate to tell me she had found her passed out with a needle and dope, and it was too late. Withdrawal was tough but really not too hard for me to get through compared to how I felt. Shortly after, I got a job working full time doing networking and IT stuff, which I like, and now I'm waiting to leave for 4 years in the Navy to work on the electronics in planes in January. I'm done with drugs now, but I do enjoy my alcohol sometimes. I'm taking classes this fall too after work, and I'm getting all A's so I'd say I've started turning things around. That said, because of my addiction and stupidity I caused my best friend to get back into something she probably could have escaped from that ended up killing her. And the last time I talked to her I made her cry, and didn't so much as mutter a sorry. Now instead of a best friend to visit, I have a ing rock on the ground and a few pictures, nightmares of her crying and hearing that phone call, and the weight of the fact that if I had just put aside my stupid problems for a few minutes she might still be here. I guess the point is, you're human and make mistakes, but don't go doing something as stupid as I did. Heroin's a hell of a drug, don't get mixed up in that **. And try to remember, you never know when it might be the last time you get to talk to someone, and I hope no one else has to find out what it's like when it ends on a bad note. Doubt anyone cares, but that's my story.