I need some advice on this one.

[TheBig3]

So I need to tell a story. It doens't have anything to do with this place or music but its bothering the hell out of me and I figure I'll never run into you people. This happened to me over the past couple of nights and I don't know if i'm overreacting to something or if I don't know what.

So this story kinda starts way back when I was 16/17. I met this girl who I knew through friends. We'd had an interesting past. We hooked up a few times over the course of 2 to 3 years. We had a love hate relationship, but she was cultured, she spoke french (she lived there until 9) she valued education. At 16 I was in love.

Once she left for college I spoke to her about once and it didn't go as I had hoped but despite our lack of connection I thought about her a lot more than I should have for someone I'd had such an infrequent relationship with.

Through the course of events unrelated, I ended up living in the town she grew up in (as it was, I still live there - with my girlfriend). Against my better judgment, the other night I decided being it the holidays she might be around and I dug her up on facebook.

I get to the page and it was the weirdest thing I'd seen on there. I couldn't find her normally so I went to a mutual friend and found her through that avenue. (yes stalking, whatever). She had no wall, you couldn't friend her or send her a message. There was this one other weird option where I could tag her in something I wrote on my own wall (idk) so I did it, just dropped a little note saying hello and marry Christmas hoping she'd friend me.

I log in today as part of my usual rounds and I have a message. That mutual friend I found her through send me a PM. Turns out this girl died in October in a fatal car crash. I'm not emotional in a traditional sense about things like this; i don't cry or get sad. But I feel haunted now in a sense.

I threw her name into google and I can't stop reading the lists of things it gives me. Memorial blogs, donation pages with money going to the inner city kids she'd work with, i even found her wish list on Amazon. As ****ed up as all that is, whoever locked down her facebook page hasn't locked it up tightly enough, and if you click on the blank profile picture it still had 4 old photos up.

The last two days I've gone there and just looked at them. Its creepy as hell but I feel like its something I should do. As if I'm silently paying homage to someone I've thought about for ten long years and who I'll never see again. I don't know how I miss a person I probably knew the least amount required to "know" them.

Anyhow, is this wildly bizarre or am I normal as far as this sort of thing goes?

Thanks for the time.