Dear Savannah,

I have a strip of bacon, 2 onions, half a jar of peanut butter, and some twizzlers. Should I put it all in the blender or just try to make a bong out of it?

silly silly boy,.......take the onion and chop a third of it off, with the larger piece hollow out a bowl,...use the twizlers for a mouth piece

the peanut butter can be thrown to the dogs so they will leave you along while you fry up the bacon, (your gonna be thirsty anyway,...peanut butter is askin for trouble)....with the onions,......just eat it, straight up,.......with your fingers

Uh, my dogs are all high and I cant get the peanut butter lit. Did I do something wrong?

yes

Dear savannah, since our yesterday night rendez-vous, i don't find my left sock. Can you help me?

Lets see, Where should I start...

Dear Savannah, if I genuinely enjoy "Take On Me" by a-Ha and dance to it in the shower does it indicate that I am indeed a homosexual?

Dear Savannah,
Tomorrow I'm boinking my ex, on Saturday I work with a lass I flirt with outrageously. She has a boyfriend but I reckon it's only a matter of time before we get it on. Later on Saturday I'm meeting up for coffee with a girl I did a couple of years ago but I'm pretty sure she still digs me (because, well, who wouldn't). Last Sunday I had a meal with a couple (just two) of friends one of whom I find myself deeply moved for, and soon somebody who I know through University will be coming back to the City who I find myself increasingly infatuated with.

My question is, will I ever be able to cope with the concept of just one woman for more than a month at a time?

when in doubt, look under the bed

i'm already told you exactly what to do to fix everything,....and as smoothly as possible


thats a rather subjective question,......i'd have to see your shoes to fully answer this question


hopefully,.....
i used to have this same problem, mostly due to my abandonment issues
i felt like as long as i was the needed and not the needer everything would be much easier for me, (and lets face it,....it can be quite fun).....i still struggle with those issues,....everyday
but i'm gettin much better with the idea

my point is,....until you understand what makes you that way, you will always be that way,....i feel like self awareness fixes most things
but if your ok with that, just keep doin what it is you do,.......

Dear Savannah,

Freebase Dali has better eyebrows than me. I can't seem to look past the magnificent arch when looking at his photos. It has become an obsession that I'm afraid will only be cured if I off someone ... Help?

take solace that your features are more indicative of your gender than his

dear savannah,
what am i supposed to say to the question 'want a date' ?
i want to go, but as a friend. not as a date. :(

Haha don't you have a boyfriend?! That's a pretty good get out clause.

would be a good one if he didnt know me...

that was the worst feeling of my life :(

it says.

Haaaaaaaaaaa!


I don't really know why I find it such a shocker that Scottish people should type the Scottish accent into MSN and texts the etc, but considering I make a point of being well writ and spoken; and the only dialectal phrase I use is "where's [that] to" reading that was quite fascinating.

If I had working MSN, I would so add you. Do yae ken?

lmao i forgot about that, i shall translate.

edit: & boo you for not having MSN :(

Oh I understood it perfectly, it was just wonderful to read and consider. Is his name Emdy though? that's a pretty crap name.

lmaoo.
are you shitting me?
we say emdy as in like "anyone" we pronounce it as "emdy" lmao :laughing:
his names william :laughing:

edit: infact do you know what.. that made my day :laughing:

That all makes a lot more sense now ... :P

You're a dirty whore, you know that?
:wavey:

You need to add me on msn. :bowdown::laughing:

the accent :laughing:?

...Dear Savannah.

I'm not sure when I'm creeping a girl out and when they've got a crush on me...because sometimes when I thought I was creeping them out they actually had a crush on me and sometimes when I thought they dug me I was actually making them feel very uncomfortable.

I'm really terrible at reading body language.

sincerely,
asshat from canada

Mmmmm I love chili.

Stir it up little darlin, stir it up.

dearest bumtopper,
first make sure there is no bacon in your pocket,....girls are not like puppies and they wont flock to you just because you have meat

also, take note of their complection,....normally when girls blush they like you,.....when they look like they are gonna throw up,...youre doin it wrong

Savannah,

There's this girl in two of my college classes who I think might want to rape me.
Let me explain.
She's 25 years old, pretty fat (not saying that's bad, but it's not personally attractive), has pube-like hair, wears water-resistant plastic shoes, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't take showers.
Well, she's ALWAYS staring at me. I can see it out the corner of my eye, and when I turn out of instinct, she tries to turn away but because of the lipid masses in her neck, her reflex time is negated by physical constraints. So I basically catch her staring all the time.

She seems nice enough. She's always happy and pleasant to talk to. But when I'm being nice and talking to her like a nice guy does, I think she's getting the wrong idea. When the guy who sits next to me in one class isn't there for classes, she takes the opportunity to sit there, and happens to leave her massive arm very close to my mouse so I'll be forced to accidentally touch her when I use the computer.

It's sorta freaky. Because she can probably overpower me and have her way if I ever find myself alone in the hallway with her. Especially if there's a janitor closet nearby.

But I don't want to be an ass and tell her to gtfo, because I don't want to hurt her feelings. But if I let her build this internal infatuation by repeatedly making her feel like I don't think she'll eat me, then I feel like I'll pay for it when she goes nuts and makes one of those desperate love moves.

What should I do?


P.S... I get the feeling that she masturbates to me.
It's very bad, because when I'm masturbating, that thought process inevitably comes up and the night is ruined.
You've got to help me.

As a corollary to this answer, I'm assuming a generally bored expression is usually not a great indicator of turned-onness.

And freebase, I'm aware this is savannah's advice thread, but I'd recommend wearing some solid athletic shoes whenever you're around her. You may not be able to overpower her, but you sure as hell should be able to outrun her.

Find out what type of foods she doesn't like...(well, if such a thing exists...) then proceed to baste yourself in said food until you become that which she hates the most. She should quickly find you unappealing and you will be relieved of her constant glances and hungry stares (no pun intended). But hey, that's just my two cents.

Oh p.s. sorry for giving advice Savannah, I know it's your chili to stir :)

Kill her.

That which she hates most to eat, might not be that which she hates most to rape.

I'm not really worried about her eating me.
Pretty uncomfortable about the raping though.


Edit:
Guys, the story is actually true.
I may have inflated the details a bit, but the basics are correct.
She really gives me a "bout to get raped" feeling.

Then I guess I'll give you a serious answer... sometimes it doesn't pay to be the nice guy...

maybe what you should be askin yourself why it is the thought creeps up while you are masturbateing,.....why are you so consumed with the thought of her masturbateing to you,....i think you may quite enjoy thinking of that,.....not of, her, prson, but that a female is infact orgasaming to the thought of you

but just to be save,.....carry snacks with you, that way you can throw them in one direction and run in the other

i wish i didnt laugh. i feel like a nasty nasty person :(.

anyways, avoidance, if that doesnt work..silent treatment :(?

I KNEW you would say that! lol...
I don't know if she masturbates to me. It's possible, but that's beside the point. Even the fleeting thought of that happening is traumatizing enough to be linked to the physical act of masturbating.

It's like when I was in Iraq and mortar rounds would always land close to where you were sleeping, explode, and you hit the deck... Then your minding your own business and someone pops off a m80 firecracker... well you get the same shock.

God I hope this nast factory doesn't shell shock me with women.

No I added the comedic aspect because it was easier that way. lol. Don't worry, I don't blame you for laughing. :rofl:

you should be flattered,.....see the situation for what it is,.....and realize its only a semester,.......


in the meantime,....maybe you could,.....just have sex and not masturbate

Just have sex and not masturbate huh?
And to think I was trying to worry about school without wasting money in bars, clubs and on women I won't see again.

Tempting, but it's just not in my budget right now.
I've got more important things to attend to.

Surprised as you may be, you ladies aren't completely end-all stop everything you're doing just to get a piece, ya know.
Some people already been there, and have more important things to do.

I know you aren't saying this but I'm bringing it up.

Why do women think that because you have sex with them that you shouldn't be masturbating or that you stop all together because you have them for sex?

I tend to masturbate more when I have a gf even when she's puts out on a daily basis.