TheBig3

You know, some of us quite liked you posting around here. I suppose most of us are pumped you're back, though they may not all know it.

My question is this:

I'm currently seeing a woman and everything's going alright I guess. The thing is we're living together and getting out now would be a lot of work, and its not like I have any where to go.

Ultimately it seems that I'm along far enough that I wouldn't mind settling down, though I'm not sure I'd be entirely happy. Also, we work together. So...

1. Thoughts on the relationship?

2. Cheating? Lets me honest, morality is subjective - thoughts?

3. If I do leave, where the hell do I go? Or more importantly should I wait until I find something I'd actually be more "in love with" before I go?

Conflicted in Cambridge,
Big3

__________________
I've moved to a new address

right-track

I feel compelled to field this one question.
Big3...woman are like monkey's. They never let go of one branch until they've grabbed hold of another.
Don't be a tart...grow some balls.

TheBig3

I don't know if balls has anything to do with it. I might say its political in nature.

__________________
I've moved to a new address

Rickenbacker

I raise you one over. Analrapist: Analyst + Therapist

__________________

last.fm
rym
Talk About the Passion - R.E.M.'s Discography Reviewed

TheBig3

****ing boston mass....of course it would be.

repin 617.

__________________
I've moved to a new address

simplephysics

oh no you didn't
it's all about the 317

__________________
one font under god

Crowe

Whoa, this went from being a dead thread to alive very quickly.

If you are already praising man bear pig, then you have answered your own question. Some people call their god by the capital G and some people call their god(s) by other names. If man bear pig is the being in which you choose to have faith in, so be it. Hopefully, there exists some sort of preconceived notion of what you want out of this god of yours and what he/she/it wants out of you. You best figure this out quickly, lest you suffer in whatever realm of punishment that man bear pig has in store for you. Pore over your ancient tomes and translate man!

Ask your pocketbook how its ******* feels after you visit a therapist and you will receive the answer that you seek. Keep band-aids and a local anesthetic near, and a bit on which to chomp. Wasting money to hear someone tell you what you fear to admit to yourself is an open invitation to the holiest of holes... rape is almost an inaccurate term, but it's akin to slipping you a mental roofie. Protect your brown eye.

Your sphincter is bleeding because when you are drunk you enjoy anal play - the wooden handle of a plunger is not the way to appease this impulse. You know... splinters...

Ah, the age-old question. Think not of finding love, but rather just living. When one goes looking for love they often make themselves believe that they have found out. This, however, leads to the misinterpretation of signs and the power of suggestion - and soon you find yourself tied to the bedpost of a cheap motel struggling to profess your love to a lady of the night who is taking the $17 out of your wallet. The short of the long is; the harder you look for love, the harder it will be to find love. One is better off living their life in such a way that love is something you pleasantly stumble upon one day whilst checking out the pepper-jack cheese at the local grocery, or catching the eye of your soul-mate at a cousin's funeral procession. For those of you who are more pragmatic about the idea of "love", simply wait for the biological processes to take place as nature intended.

Judging by the rather somber, and self-apologetic tone of the post my thoughts have lead me to a simple conclusion: leave... now. You talk about getting out now being a lot of work, but if you think that THIS is a lot - consider the difficulty of getting out in the future. You are in a quicksand right now, my friends. You're up to your knees and it will be a bitch getting out- but think about how much you would prefer to do this now rather than when the acrid taste of the quicksand has reached your lips. Where do you go? You go wherever you can! You are an intelligent man with a good head on your shoulders, surely you have the ability to setup a temporary housing solution that will allow you to get out of dodge trying to maintain a certain amount of convenience and ease. This is not always possible however, and you might have to give a little to get a lot. Sacrifice your temporary comfort for a long lasting comfort in the future. This is an investment. As for cheating... morality IS subjective... the fact that you refer to the term as "cheating" implies that you have attached a judgment to actions you have considered taking, or have already taken. "Cheating" is not a happy term and therefore, in your mind is connected to that stigma. This is a bit presumptuous, though. Some people quite enjoy cheating in every sense of the term.

Finally, you should not wait until something "better" comes along - because you are poisoning yourself in the eyes of other women when it comes to viewing you as a potential mating prospect. Being with someone works against you in these situations. Dating is a social practice in which you look for the aspects of a person that you'd like to see in a future mate. Once you have pieced together what your desired mate will be like from the pieces of the people you have dated, you can now search for the mate that best fits the mold. Take what you need from this current girl and leave her before it gets even more messy.

__________________

TheBig3

you want the analrapist? go right ahead, ashley.

__________________
I've moved to a new address

Schizotypic

I couldn't help to throw in my two pennies, in case it might help. All of this comes from things I have experienced and figured out, it may have nothing to do with you or everything to do with you. How would I know? I don't know you, so take what you will and throw away the rest.

Something I noticed. If "getting out" is "a lot of work", then I think some boundaries need to be firmly set on your part. If you can't simply say you have outgrown the relationship (or something like that), then there is a damper on honesty. If you both want real honesty in a relationship, then it is my opinion that it is her job to handle her own emotions, and you should be able to say whatever the fuck is true. That doesn't mean you have to break-up when you say so, it means you both have something to work on to stabilize things so both parties are happy. Also, even if it does mean you two will have to break-up, that is fine, regardless of the pain it causes. You always have the right to leave, and if you feel like you don't, then not only is something most likely astray but also it ruins the time you have together as it may be more based on feel like you have to then wanting to be around her, surprisingly, it can be a thin line.

Another thing to think about is that you both work and live together. I know nothing of how much you do independently vs. how much you do together, but I give you a word of caution here: do not let your life ever revolve around her like the earth revolves around the sun, in other words, don't let making sure her needs/feelings (like not feeling crushed) take priority over your own (like doing something about feeling trapped). If you do let this happen, then you may feel like leaving is a frightening and drastic life change (like the whole "can't live without her"), feel like you have no freedom to say things your thinking about, like leaving, because of the "trouble" it may cause, and feel like you have to stay with her because it would be so hard to get out. Essentially, if this is true, you've locked yourself in a box.

That above situation would take some serious empowerment to pull out of, for both parties. It would be long a difficult and have to do with a a lot of simple inward work. Pretty basic jazz though, definitely not something to not look into. Answer put simply: True honesty, true communication, boundaries. Sounds easier then it is, trust me.

(I've never experienced this but my guess is as good as anyone's)On a much lighter note, the next thing that it could be is that you've been together long enough to settle down and your starting to freak out at the prospect. Grab someone trusted and smart, go out for a week-long camping trip, and spend as much time as you need figuring out the intimate pro's and con's. Piece of cake... kind of.

Also I wouldn't cheat unless you want a quick way to seriously damage your trust with her and leave your relationship and hard work limping, in the best case scenario (varies from case to case though).

Hope something I said helped in some way, and if not, it was worth the chance. -Schizotypic

TheBig3

I appreciate everyones advice.

There are less pirates here than I thought though.

__________________
I've moved to a new address