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#11 (permalink) | |
killedmyraindog
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Boston, Massachusetts
Posts: 11,172
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My question is this: I'm currently seeing a woman and everything's going alright I guess. The thing is we're living together and getting out now would be a lot of work, and its not like I have any where to go. Ultimately it seems that I'm along far enough that I wouldn't mind settling down, though I'm not sure I'd be entirely happy. Also, we work together. So... 1. Thoughts on the relationship? 2. Cheating? Lets me honest, morality is subjective - thoughts? 3. If I do leave, where the hell do I go? Or more importantly should I wait until I find something I'd actually be more "in love with" before I go? Conflicted in Cambridge, Big3
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#12 (permalink) | |
Atchin' Akai
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Unamerica
Posts: 8,723
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Big3...woman are like monkey's. They never let go of one branch until they've grabbed hold of another. Don't be a tart...grow some balls. |
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#13 (permalink) |
killedmyraindog
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Boston, Massachusetts
Posts: 11,172
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I don't know if balls has anything to do with it. I might say its political in nature.
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#15 (permalink) |
killedmyraindog
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Boston, Massachusetts
Posts: 11,172
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****ing boston mass....of course it would be.
repin 617.
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#17 (permalink) | |||||
Music Addict
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 699
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Whoa, this went from being a dead thread to alive very quickly.
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Finally, you should not wait until something "better" comes along - because you are poisoning yourself in the eyes of other women when it comes to viewing you as a potential mating prospect. Being with someone works against you in these situations. Dating is a social practice in which you look for the aspects of a person that you'd like to see in a future mate. Once you have pieced together what your desired mate will be like from the pieces of the people you have dated, you can now search for the mate that best fits the mold. Take what you need from this current girl and leave her before it gets even more messy. |
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#18 (permalink) |
killedmyraindog
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Boston, Massachusetts
Posts: 11,172
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you want the analrapist? go right ahead, ashley.
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#19 (permalink) | |
Souls of Sound Sailors
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Mojave
Posts: 759
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Something I noticed. If "getting out" is "a lot of work", then I think some boundaries need to be firmly set on your part. If you can't simply say you have outgrown the relationship (or something like that), then there is a damper on honesty. If you both want real honesty in a relationship, then it is my opinion that it is her job to handle her own emotions, and you should be able to say whatever the fuck is true. That doesn't mean you have to break-up when you say so, it means you both have something to work on to stabilize things so both parties are happy. Also, even if it does mean you two will have to break-up, that is fine, regardless of the pain it causes. You always have the right to leave, and if you feel like you don't, then not only is something most likely astray but also it ruins the time you have together as it may be more based on feel like you have to then wanting to be around her, surprisingly, it can be a thin line. Another thing to think about is that you both work and live together. I know nothing of how much you do independently vs. how much you do together, but I give you a word of caution here: do not let your life ever revolve around her like the earth revolves around the sun, in other words, don't let making sure her needs/feelings (like not feeling crushed) take priority over your own (like doing something about feeling trapped). If you do let this happen, then you may feel like leaving is a frightening and drastic life change (like the whole "can't live without her"), feel like you have no freedom to say things your thinking about, like leaving, because of the "trouble" it may cause, and feel like you have to stay with her because it would be so hard to get out. Essentially, if this is true, you've locked yourself in a box. That above situation would take some serious empowerment to pull out of, for both parties. It would be long a difficult and have to do with a a lot of simple inward work. Pretty basic jazz though, definitely not something to not look into. Answer put simply: True honesty, true communication, boundaries. Sounds easier then it is, trust me. (I've never experienced this but my guess is as good as anyone's)On a much lighter note, the next thing that it could be is that you've been together long enough to settle down and your starting to freak out at the prospect. Grab someone trusted and smart, go out for a week-long camping trip, and spend as much time as you need figuring out the intimate pro's and con's. Piece of cake... kind of. Also I wouldn't cheat unless you want a quick way to seriously damage your trust with her and leave your relationship and hard work limping, in the best case scenario (varies from case to case though). Hope something I said helped in some way, and if not, it was worth the chance. -Schizotypic |
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#20 (permalink) |
killedmyraindog
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Boston, Massachusetts
Posts: 11,172
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I appreciate everyones advice.
There are less pirates here than I thought though.
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