He was entirely too pleased with himself with that one.

On that note...

Out in the middle of the desert there was a cactus and a sand plant that happened to grow next to each other. Being that they were the only living things for miles around they became great friends. After years of keeping each other company, one day, the sand plant died. The cactus was devastated.

Quite a few years later it was time for the cactus to move on. He passed and rushed to the Pearly Gates in anticipation of seeing his old friend again. Unfortunately, St. Peter informed him that the sand plant didn't get in, and was residing in hell.

The cactus spent his days moping around heaven, sad and depressed. Finally, St. Peter offered up a solution to his woes. He told the cactus that he could spend one night in hell visiting the sand plant on the condition that he'd return by midnight, and that he'd keep a blessed golden harp with him the entire time to insure his salvation.

The cactus was elated! The day came and he took the elevator down to the bottom floor. The sand plant greeted him and the reunion was epic. The sand plant had opened a dance club that was the talk of the town. After partying for hours with strippers and booze, the cactus noticed the clock and realized that he was going to be late getting back to heaven.

He hurriedly said his good byes and hopped onto the elevator. Whoosh back up to the top floor. The doors open and St. Peter is waiting looking very angry.

Peter: "So, I see you barely made it back it time cactus. Hey, where's your golden harp?".

Cactus: "Damn, I left my harp, in Sand Plant's disco...."

Idk wheter to laugh at that or facepalm so im just gonna cry for a couple of hours..

A Pastor of a church got a huge amount of money in the offering plate one Sunday, so he decided he could either do the right thing and paint the church, or he could be a little bit bad and get a new car. He pondered this for a while, then he got an idea. Why not get a cheap car, and that way he could buy half the paint needed and stretch it out with a little paint thinner? So, that's exactly what he does. As he's finishing up painting the church, a bad storm comes swooshing in, and his beautiful paint job gets washed out and all the paint is gone from the church. Just then, a clap of thunder rolls through and all of a sudden he hears God's voice. God speaks to the Pastor and tells him:

Repaint, and thin no more!

There was once this very territorial and aggressive cow that owned about eight acres of land in whatever type of world this scenario exists in. Whenever anyone would come onto the property, the cow would promptly attack and kill the intruder.

There was this ant that lived in the grass on the West side of the property, and the cow never even noticed.

Pete and Repete were in a boat. Pete fell out. Who's in the boat?

Me and the Plank

http://web-images.chacha.com/images/...12-600x376.jpg

I look good in red.