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03-19-2015, 10:05 AM | #4234 (permalink) | |
Zum Henker Defätist!!
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Beating GNR at DDR and keying Axl's new car
Posts: 48,199
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So, one time I decided to spend my summer on a pirate ship, right? Everything was going great: looting, pillaging, wenching. That whole deal. But then one day this massive storm hit our boat.
The waves had to be at least twenty feet high. The rain was coming down in sheets and you could barely see a few feet in front of you. The wind was blowing with such ferocity that it threatened to lift you right off your feet and out into the ocean. I was about to go below deck so that I didn't get washed overboard, when I saw the captain steering the ship... with his balls tied to the wheel. So I went up to the captain and asked him, "Doesn't it hurt to steer the ship with your balls tied to the wheel like that?" "Arrr! It drives me nuts!"
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03-19-2015, 10:16 AM | #4235 (permalink) | |
Ask me how!
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: The States
Posts: 5,354
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---------------------- |---Mic's Albums---| ---------------------- ----------------------------- |---Deafbox Industries---| ----------------------------- |
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03-19-2015, 10:17 AM | #4236 (permalink) | |
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 13,153
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03-19-2015, 10:46 AM | #4238 (permalink) |
SOPHIE FOREVER
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: East of the Southern North American West
Posts: 35,541
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That way of saying a joke is old is so old Plato theorized that it should no longer be used.
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Studies show that when a given norm is changed in the face of the unchanging, the remaining contradictions will parallel the truth. |
03-19-2015, 11:27 AM | #4240 (permalink) |
Toasted Poster
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: SoCal by way of Boston
Posts: 11,332
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A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"
"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine." The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before." "Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really." "Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands." "Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really." "Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes." "Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye." "So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird ****!" "Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."
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“The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.” |
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