A petty bitch with a stick up their ass is quite the loveliest thing.

I toss and turn in my sleep before I actually fall asleep every night. But it's organized. I start out on my back. Then eventually I get restless and uncomfortable and I turn to my right so that I'm lying on my right side. Eventually I get restless and uncomfortable and turn again on my stomach. Then after awhile I turn on my left side. Then I turn so that I'm on my back again. Every night I do this in the same direction, same four positions (though lying on my left side in-between lying on my stomach and then my back tends to either be short or sometimes skipped because I don't particularly like the position) and I never, ever switch directions. Ever. From my point of view I'm turning clockwise and I always turn clockwise and this is non-negotiable. And this entire process happens multiple times a night. Just turn and turn and turn and turn etc etc etc. I just can't stay still and stop turning until I'm in about to fall asleep mode, which can take an hour or longer. Pretty sure I can never have a wife I sleep in the same bed with because of this.

Does anyone else do this?

Do you have sleep apnea? Restless leg syndrome and restless sleep in general is associated with it.

You'll never have a wife you sleep with for other reasons.
I always have turning and twisting patterns although they're not as complex as yours. Never bothered anyone I slept with either.

I twist and turn a lot, especially because of my restless legs, but it's not patterned. Somehow it never was a problem with my girlfriend though, she just fell asleep soon and lay there peacefully while I was flailing around like a fish on land

No this is when I'm awake. I don't really toss and turn when I'm asleep most of the time.