There are 10x as many historical texts from the same areas and time periods we have that didn't make it into the bible. Records of business transactions and historical accounts of days in the lives of boring ass dudes rich enough and narcissistic enough to hire scribes to take down their life stories - the bible is just cultural archaeology.

Even the language gives hints as to time of year/season.

Obviously only one of us did three semesters of independent study teaching themselves to read and write pointed Hebrew instead of finishing their math requirements.

So seasonal language gives you a hint when the first woman ate a pomegranate given to her by a talking snake in a mystical garden?

No it gives a hint as to what kinds of fruit the authors of the bible were familiar with and would likely have meant you dunce

We should invent a cool handshake for moments like this

I specialise in awkward gay high fives though

So all this was just pretentious bull****.

I was giving you context. Forgetting your reading comprehension limitations.

Why don't you close your eyes and I'll give you an apple star to lick.