Just hand them a box of dirty dishes with some novelty fake cockroaches thrown in. By the time they realize the cockroaches are fake they'll already be elbow deep in suds and "Let's Get It On" will already be on the stereo.

Me and my po stopped seeing each other a while back.

If this were a movie that statement would show you to be a hardened but lovable criminal on the run.

I literally went to turn myself in cause I knew I had absconded.

When I got there, they told me they filed my case as an "unsuccessful termination." Meaning I might owe money to the state but no warrant.

I didn't do the community service, I only paid part of the money. I was dead sure I was in violation. I spent the last 2 nights getting ****ed up in motel rooms, procrastinating what I thought was an obvious few months at least in jail.

When they told me they had no warrant I was real relieved on one hand, and regretting the last two nights on the other. I had no plan. My plan was literally to go to jail.

I called Catawba county, where I had worked and racked up tickets and court dates I never made to see if they had a warrant for me. They said no.

So I went to the local homeless shelter. That was literally when I became officially homeless last time.

I can understand that perhaps. The idea of being out of control and having the state taking my decision making out of my hands and placing me in jail is terrifying but oddly comforting. As much as I hated military boarding school the best part was the structured life I had no say in that forced me to live in a certain way. TBH I used to fantasize about mocking Catholicism by becoming a priest or monk with the real hook being that the Church would deal with my room and board and give me a set schedule and lifestyle that would be comforting in its authoritarianism.

It wasn't even that. I had decent jobs and still didn't pay my fees. And I was being evicted. I figured jail was a good way to kill 3 birds with 1 stone.

1) get sober
2) pay off my debts to the state through time served instead of money
3) kick the housing question can down the road

but if that's your real fantasy come join the sobriety cult whose name shall not be mentioned

They will give you a good taste of institutional living and safety - freedom.

The problem being that I trust and respect any institution that would give me that life as much as I do the Catholic Church or I simply don't see how they are relevant to me. I should probably just knock over a 7-11 and pistol whip the clerk to make sure I get charged with assault with a deadly weapon.

I think you'll honestly find jail quite disapointing.

If you're going to go that route at least try to pull off a proper lick and get away with it. Robbing a 7/11 us ****in retarded.

And you really don't need to trust the institution. Just like the Catholic Church, you can technically leave whenever you want.

1. I'm not looking for jail if I'm going that route. I'm looking for prison.

2. How would I find it disappointing? If I'm going to go the self-inflicted sentence route all I'd want is a long (decade+) sentence and room and board. I wouldn't pretend to know anything else that comes along with it since I'm just a sheltered goofball.