With all the dumb **** I do at work I think I might get fired simply for making fun of my boss's toupee when he's in the wrong mood. Yesterday I saw that the back looked like it was melting and the tracks were noticeably out of whack so I of course pointed it out like an ******* and he kind of gave me a look. Today he was wearing a hat which he never does unless his **** isn't right so obviously I said, "I see you haven't fixed your wig yet." I got the look.

You should start wearing a wig that you can offer to him when his is out of whack.

Tell him to stop fighting it and just shave his dome. Then grab his wig and throw it in the fryer.

I'm saving that bit for when I quit in rage, chuck my drive-thru headset in the fryer, and cackle like a psychopath as they desperately try to fish it out.

.

That works.

Do it!

This is a black people toupee. It doesn't just come off. I'm not even sure if it's technically a toupee.

Because **** it that's why. He's younger than me, has a bald spot, and is so vain that he won't acknowledge that he's wearing a wig unless he's in a good mood and even then he only kinda admits it. That **** is hilarious and I refuse to compromise and become a boring person who treats his boss like an aristocrat.

Besides, if I hadn't said anything yesterday he probably wouldn't have worn a hat today, and pretending that I didn't notice the cause-and-effect would have defeated the purpose of me mocking him in the first place. Comedy > real life considerations.

It is really unfair that some men lose their hair so young.

We have gone to the moon and made burgers grown in labs yet we haven't found a cure for slapheads?

One day it will become comedically appropriate after making a snide comment about my boss's wig and him responding ****tily for me to take off my work hat and show him my own growing bald spot. I like to think it will blow his mind.