There was a boy who was born with only a head. No torso, no limbs, just a fully functional head. People were like how the **** is this dude even alive? Then he lived a normal life wheeling around on a little scooter that he controlled with his tongue. On his 21st birthday, he went to the bar for the first time and ordered a beer. Gimme that good **** he told the bartender. He had only had terrible Miller High Lifes with his friends and he wanted something to mark his experience. The bartender says I got you bro and he gives him some like, good beer. He takes his first sip and he's like damn that's good even though he doesn't really like it. The beer was expensive as ****, so he was determined to drink it all. He took another sip and begin to feel euphoric when all of a sudden he sprouted a torso. Everyone in the bar goes ape ****, mostly because they didn't notice a head sitting at the end of the bar. It's a goddamn miracle. Then he takes another sip and sprouts an arm. He stretches it for the first time and grabs his drink. He feels incredible. The bar's cheering him on, it's the first day of his life (even though I said that he lived a normal life. We both know that was BS). He takes 3 more sips and sprouts an arm and two legs. He was finally normal, but something was missing. He took another sip and sprouted his penis. Everyone's like well alright I guess here's some clothes. Then he tells them to wait and asks the bartender for another glass. He downs half of it quickly and after a moment sprouts eight limbs from his body. Everyone's trying to take the glass away from him but he slams more, shouting I was so low for so long, I'll be more powerful than all of you now. He finishes his drink and swells into a throbbing mass of limbs and tentacles and many mouths and eyes and tongues and dicks and toes and fingers and ****. He rolls out of the bar as people run out of his way. The world was his. He slithered, rolled, and sprinted away from the bar towards his home when he ran right in front of a car in the street right outside of the bar. The crash didn't kill him, but he was mortally wounded. He only has moments to live. Everyone from the bar sees him lying, bleeding, and oozing in the street. His head felt fine but his body felt alien and he knew he was dying. He shrieked why is life so cruel? How could I have convinced myself that there's a god? My life has been a bog of misery and suffering and I can't take this any longer. Kill me. Someone, please, I'm begging you. The pain is crushing me I can't go on. A female onlooker hung her head for a moment and went inside the bar to grab the fire extinguisher. As she bashed his head in, she thought that even if he did live to be healthy they would only put him through more horrific experiments. None of the other onlookers tried to stop her as she caved his skull in. Silence hung over the group as they watched his body stop twitching. He's now a bloody, slimy pile of dead limbs and flesh. With a heavy sigh, the bartender said damn, he should have quit while he was a head.
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Studies show that when a given norm is changed in the face of the unchanging, the remaining contradictions will parallel the truth.
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