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Old 12-10-2012, 12:58 PM   #1271 (permalink)
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^^^

Those are absolutely brilliant. Where can they be found? Five seconds on Google have not availed me.
I'm not sure the origin but I came across them on 4chan one day. They're scattered across several message boards. There's a couple more that I'll post later.
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Old 12-10-2012, 01:01 PM   #1272 (permalink)
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Keanu Reeves is the craziest person I've ever heard of, after Andrew Jackson.
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Old 12-10-2012, 01:05 PM   #1273 (permalink)
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What's with the Keanu Reeves pics? Sorry I just don't get it.....
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Old 12-10-2012, 01:27 PM   #1274 (permalink)
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What's with the Keanu Reeves pics? Sorry I just don't get it.....
They're amusing made-up stories about the crazy exploits of Keanu Reeves. They read almost like jokes, with a set up and a punchline. Much of the humour is ironic and reliant on Reeves' voice and style of acting.
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Old 12-10-2012, 01:38 PM   #1275 (permalink)
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Am I doing it right?
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Old 12-10-2012, 02:49 PM   #1276 (permalink)
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A liberal muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx, known atheist
”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!”

At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by the United States stood up and held up a rock.
”How old is this rock, pinhead?”
The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied “4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian”
”Wrong. It’s been 5,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real… then it should be an animal by now.”

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Origin of the Species. He stormed out of the room crying those liberal crocodile tears. The same tears liberals cry for the “poor” (who today live in such luxury that most own refrigerators) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the deserving job creators. The professor wished so much that he had a gun to shoot himself out of embarrassment, but he himself had petitioned against such instruments of death!

The students applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named “Small Government” flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and God himself showed up and enacted a flat tax rate across the country.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.
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Old 12-10-2012, 02:54 PM   #1277 (permalink)
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Old 12-10-2012, 02:55 PM   #1278 (permalink)
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No lower
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Old 12-10-2012, 03:06 PM   #1279 (permalink)
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After completing the movie 'Speed', Reeves disappeared from public view for 6 months to complete a project he called his "life's calling". In August of 1995, Reeves gained notoriety for hijacking a school bus in Los Angeles and leading police on a 10 hour chase, ending in tragedy. Reeves, who appeared mentally disturbed and sporting a full beard, reportedly spent 6 months planning the hijacking. Due to the nature of the hijacking, police assumed it filming for a sequel to the Speed movie, and didn't respond until Reeves drove through a crowded marketplace, killing 16 and injuring over 100. Despite their best efforts, police were not able to stop Reeves, who drove the bus full of 44 elementary school children off the Santa Monica Pier. All the children died, and autopsies showed that all 44 had been -blam!-ly molested by Reeves during the chase.
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Old 12-10-2012, 03:30 PM   #1280 (permalink)
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