The Sexual Experience Thread

[Scarlett O'Hara]

Well we all know my bad experience, a stinky dick! Post showering.

[Cuthbert]

Originally Posted by Mankycaaant

not going to kick us off with one Fluffy?

Not sure, but the first one that comes to mind was when I fingered a girl in a nightclub when I was about 16 (in Sunny Beach, think it was Lazur?) and wafted my fingers under my mates nose to boast to him and he heaved, thought he overreacted until I got to the toilet and inspected for myself.

I also remember fucking a girl and as she was bent over I saw a bit of toilet paper wedged in her arsehole.

Originally Posted by Vanilla

Well we all know my bad experience, a stinky dick! Post showering.

This is the sort of stuff I meant ^

[Circe]

Eh, my story's not really very amusing. Basically I had a boyfriend who just terrible in bed and purely focused on himself to the point where I didn't even bother to fake an orgasm for him.

[14232949]

Right, okay. I'll start the wagon rolling.

So it's just after my 18th birthday, I arrange to go for a few drinks in Dundee with this girl I've been talking to. I've met up with her once or twice by this point and she's pretty cool.

Anyway, we hit a couple of bars it's all going well, apart from the half an hour hiccup where I told her I knew the way to the Student Union and didn't so we ended up getting lost. Resulting in me losing some cool points and because neither of us were even hazy at that point not being able to capitalise on the half hour distraction. I digress however, so we're just hitting a few bars, she's becoming more touchy feely as the night goes on, kissing me, holding my hand, etc.

Eventually we come out of one place and I just throw her up against a wall and we start to get it on, she takes off my belt and grabs my cock. Just as she starts warming me up, a group of people pass, she gets shy and turns away as if nothing's happening. I suggest we go somewhere quieter as I still want that ho up on my dick.
So I have an idea of where to go, but by now you probably realize my directional sense isn't too great, and we end up passing the clubs. So she suddenly starts yanking at my arm and is all like 'I want to go clubbing!'

Obviously the last place you want to take a girl is a club. Full of sexually deprived roiders and bimbos, with her being drunkish you don't want her going away with another guy. Imagine the rejection. However, luckily she goes up to Liquid (shitty chain club) which I happen to have been kicked out of the week previous. We get to the door and we get in. Fuck. I don't want to say 'no we're not going' in case she goes away on her own and gets fucked by some other guy and I don't want to look like a dick by disagreeing and trying to convince her otherwise.
So I try my hardest to stare right into the eyes of the bouncer that kicked me out the saturday previous. But he ignores me, as we pass him. I pat him on the chest and say 'alright mate' I roll me eyes into the back of my head and stagger as if I'm really drunk/high.
Obviously, he wasn't taking that and said we're not getting in. Result.

However, she didn't take too kindly to that. Starts going off on one like I deliberately got us kicked out and demands to go home. My mate's supposed to be picking us up, so I give in. She's all moody at this stage and doesn't want to talk to me, but I've not given up yet. I pretend to phone my pal and arrange to meet just outside the church next to the Overgate shopping centre. We sit on a bench and wait, although there's nobody coming. I just spoke to my screensaver. So anyway after a while, I start stroking her leg and moving closer. Giving her the usual talk of how she's the prettiest girl ever and she's got the greatest smile, all the crap girls like to hear. So we begin kissing and that. Now, I know I'ma hit this bitch so I take her round the back of the church.

I go round, and we're just up against the wall, I start with the finger blaster and I shit you not, after like 2 minutes she squirts everywhere. Like the from my waist down is covered. But anyway, I still want sex. We're on rough concrete and she's moaning about it hurting her back so she goes on stop and starts grinding me. Then just stops. Like dead weight, she couldn't be moved. She just sat there on my cock, not moving. She's heavier than I first realized so having to try and bounce her up and down myself while holding her in place is no easy feat. Probably because she's already came and maybe to try and get back at me she's just sitting there, weighing me down. After like 20 minutes she has the cheek to say 'are you finished yet' and I'm just like fuck this, I get up because she's being useless, so I'm just going to bend her over and do it doggystyle. She grabs my dick and starts sucking my dick. Things are looking up.

As she's sucking me off she suddenly stops and pushes me away, I'm like what? She's got that horrified look in her eyes. I turn around and there's this creepy Asian dude just staring at me getting sucked off at the back of the church. Needless to say, she got her clothes on and I was never finished off. It's a good thing that I never pointed out the camera that was directly above us the whole time.

Anyway, in the car on the way back I'm just tongue kissing her and that, I can actually taste my cock on her breath. After we dropped her off, I actually pulled one of my own pubes out of my mouth. Gross. Since then I've made sure I trim like twice a week.

Originally Posted by Fluffy Kittens

Not sure, but the first one that comes to mind was when I fingered a girl in a nightclub when I was about 16 (in Sunny Beach, think it was Lazur?) and wafted my fingers under my mates nose to boast to him and he heaved, thought he overreacted until I got to the toilet and inspected for myself.

Is that the one that you have to go up like two/three flights of stairs to get into? It's situated right of the main strip (if you're looking towards the sea)

[YorkeDaddy]

Originally Posted by Burning Down

The novelty wears off faster than you think.

This isn't the first time someone has tried to tell me I'm not going to love my girlfriend or sex with my girlfriend or something unfounded like that, so I'm taking this with a grain of salt.

[Cuthbert]

Some lols in that one Manky.

Originally Posted by Mankycaaant

We sit on a bench and wait, although there's nobody coming. I just spoke to my screensaver.

I can actually taste my cock on her breath. After we dropped her off, I actually pulled one of my own pubes out of my mouth.

ffs

Is that the one that you have to go up like two/three flights of stairs to get into? It's situated right of the main strip (if you're looking towards the sea)

You're on about the right place but I can't remember the name, I think it was Lazur but there was another club I went to but it was awful so that one could have been Lazur. Imagine you get to the top floor and there are sofas either side of the bar and a podium dead centre if you're stood at the bar but facing away from it.

[14232949]

Yes, I know the one you're talking about. I think it's Lazur. Not 100% certain on the name, it's mostly populated with Scandinavians and Germans.
I couldn't even remember the name of my own hotel until the 5th night, I kept calling it Hotel Wilson Palocios, which didn't help me when it came to asking for directions when I'd drunkenly stagger around for hours on end at night.
Getting the image in my head of a young Fluffy Kittens who I picture to look like Trevor Sinclair sticking his wee finger in some tubby's fanny.

[FRED HALE SR.]

Originally Posted by Mankycaaant

Yes, I know the one you're talking about. I think it's Lazur. Not 100% certain on the name, it's mostly populated with Scandinavians and Germans.
I couldn't even remember the name of my own hotel until the 5th night, I kept calling it Hotel Wilson Palocios, which didn't help me when it came to asking for directions when I'd drunkenly stagger around for hours on end at night.
Getting the image in my head of a young Fluffy Kittens who I picture to look like Trevor Sinclair sticking his wee finger in some tubby's fanny.

The finger blaster? Really the finger blaster? We call it finger banging in the states. I think I lost a few watches that way.

[Cuthbert]

Originally Posted by Mankycaaant

Yes, I know the one you're talking about. I think it's Lazur. Not 100% certain on the name, it's mostly populated with Scandinavians and Germans.
I couldn't even remember the name of my own hotel until the 5th night, I kept calling it Hotel Wilson Palocios, which didn't help me when it came to asking for directions when I'd drunkenly stagger around for hours on end at night.
Getting the image in my head of a young Fluffy Kittens who I picture to look like Trevor Sinclair sticking his wee finger in some tubby's fanny.

You're not a million miles off actually, she was 25 and Danish. And massively overweight.

[14232949]

Originally Posted by Fluffy Kittens

You're not a million miles off actually, she was 25 and Danish. And massively overweight.

You stopped to ask for age? Man, that's always a big no on holiday, or anywhere really. What you don't know can't hurt you.