The Sexual Experience Thread

MAStudent · 10-04-2010, 11:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paloma

Lotus Sex Position this however, looks awesome.

agree

MAStudent · 10-04-2010, 11:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThePhanastasio

This one looks like it could end in tragedy.

Little Dipper Sex Position

and one

and two

anda threeeee

....and foooour

yah, looks like a short session there

~~Dirty~~ · 10-20-2010, 04:14 AM

I was ****-blocked by a nose bleed.

Last year my work hired a new girl at work. Specifically, this girl:
Moderator cut: image removed

She was a friend of one of our assistant supervisors and I made a comment to the assistant supervisor, something along the lines of i thought the new girl was hott. So she must have said something to the new girl, and I saw her looking my way a lot. We start talking during work, exchange numbers, all that stuff.

So one weekend we are texting and I tell her to meet me at a buddies house party. She shows up with a friend and I'm already catchin a buzz off of some ****ty warm beer. They ran out of liquor so she said her and her friend were leaving and invite me along. We stop at a pizza place and I'm just hitting it off with her. I'm not a smooth guy, it was like the stars aligned for me that night. Everything I said was witty and funny and the vibe was good. We get to her friends' boyfriends place (her boyfriend was still at work) and start drinking liquor and listening to music. It was a bunch of emo crap but I nod my head approvingly with the songs and try to sound like I still listen to the same type of songs (haven't listened to emo stuff since high school).

We are all getting progressively drunker, just us 3. The conversation turns sexual somehow and we are flirting, talking about dirty things and I realize I have a solid chance of having sex. Her friend was being a **** block initially but after some drinks and some sarcastic jokes and funnies from me, she warms up to me and realizes I'm not a bad dude and doesn't really interfere with the flirting going on. The friends boyfriend gets home and we all chit chat a little bit and I can tell he's tired from work. So I leave and the hott girl follows me out and asks if she can stay at my place.

So I'm thinking.. SCORE! Mainly because I'm not even good with girls and hadn't been laid in awhile and hadn't been with a girl this attractive before. We make the 15 minute walk home, I don't have my key so I knock until my drunk, sleeping room mate answers. He takes the couch and we hit the bed and turn out the lights. I'll add that I wasn't expecting any of this to happen so I had a pile of dirty clothes on my bed so we took my room mates bed on the bottom bunk.

We are fooling around, making out and whatnot, things are getting heavy and I'm hoping I have rubbers somewhere... Then all of a sudden I get the Mount Rushmore of all nosebleeds. I can feel it coming and stop things before I bleed all over her and run to the bathroom. She notices my nose bleed and stays in bed while I try to stop it as quick as possible. Like ten minutes later it's finally stopped and I come back and lay spooning with her and I hear one of the most dissapointing sentences I've ever heard: A semi-disgusted "You don't think you're putting it in me tonight do you!?"

Kisses on the neck don't work and I'm forced to lay beside her in bed all night, thinking about how unlucky I am. I hadn't had a nosebleed in seriously like 10 years. So the next morning she wakes up and leaves, but I am thinking... Ok this girl is hott and into me, ill throw her a text in the next day or two and see whats up. I text her a few times over the next few weeks to no response. She deletes me off Facebook. We have opposite work schedules and I never talk to her again. I end up washing my room mates bed sheets for all the wrong reasons.

Feels bad, man.

Mojo · 10-20-2010, 04:46 AM

^ I feel bad for the roomate. He's drunk and asleep and for you to bring some tart home, he ends up turfed out of his bed, doesn't even get your bed but has to then crash on the sofa?

~~Dirty~~ · 10-20-2010, 04:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mojopinuk

^ I feel bad for the roomate. He's drunk and asleep and for you to bring some tart home, he ends up turfed out of his bed, doesn't even get your bed but has to then crash on the sofa?

Hey it's a nice sofa!

Couldn't have him on the top bunkbed with me on the bottom tryin to handle my business!

He was cool about it, wasn't like I made that a habit or ever did it again. Just wasn't expecting to bring a girl home so my bed was all messy.

~~Sansa Stark~~ · 10-20-2010, 08:21 AM

She didn't **** you because you had a nosebleed?!? What kind of bull**** is that!?

~~Dirty~~ · 10-20-2010, 08:24 AM

It wasn't like we were dating or anything... It just completely murdered the mood that night. Maybe she was one of those people who just hates blood. I don't know, she wouldn't even let me see her tits in the morning haha. I mean, yeah ok I get that maybe a nosebleed would just really turn you off...but I didn't really understand why she never got back to my texts and deleted me on facebook and all that.

*shrug*

~~Sansa Stark~~ · 10-20-2010, 08:47 AM

She must not have had much of a mood for it if she let a nosebleed get in the way of getting diicked

~~Dirty~~ · 10-20-2010, 08:54 AM

Ha maybe her drunk wore off

I think she's smokin hott but she didn't know what she was doing for ****. Worst kisser ever. Pretty much just ate my whole face.

anticipation · 10-20-2010, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dirty

It wasn't like we were dating or anything... It just completely murdered the mood that night. Maybe she was one of those people who just hates blood. I don't know, she wouldn't even let me see her tits in the morning haha. I mean, yeah ok I get that maybe a nosebleed would just really turn you off...but I didn't really understand why she never got back to my texts and deleted me on facebook and all that.

*shrug*

"she's like all women; strange, and evil."

10-20-2010, 04:46 AM	#3254 (permalink)
Mojo Melancholia Eternally Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: England Posts: 5,018	^ I feel bad for the roomate. He's drunk and asleep and for you to bring some tart home, he ends up turfed out of his bed, doesn't even get your bed but has to then crash on the sofa? __________________ Last.FM \| Echoes and Dust

10-20-2010, 08:24 AM	#3257 (permalink)
~~Dirty~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: USA Posts: 981	It wasn't like we were dating or anything... It just completely murdered the mood that night. Maybe she was one of those people who just hates blood. I don't know, she wouldn't even let me see her tits in the morning haha. I mean, yeah ok I get that maybe a nosebleed would just really turn you off...but I didn't really understand why she never got back to my texts and deleted me on facebook and all that. shrug Last edited by Dirty; 10-20-2010 at 08:36 AM.

10-20-2010, 04:14 AM	#3253 (permalink)
~~Dirty~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: USA Posts: 981	I was **-blocked by a nose bleed. Last year my work hired a new girl at work. Specifically, this girl: Moderator cut: image removed She was a friend of one of our assistant supervisors and I made a comment to the assistant supervisor, something along the lines of i thought the new girl was hott. So she must have said something to the new girl, and I saw her looking my way a lot. We start talking during work, exchange numbers, all that stuff. So one weekend we are texting and I tell her to meet me at a buddies house party. She shows up with a friend and I'm already catchin a buzz off of some ty warm beer. They ran out of liquor so she said her and her friend were leaving and invite me along. We stop at a pizza place and I'm just hitting it off with her. I'm not a smooth guy, it was like the stars aligned for me that night. Everything I said was witty and funny and the vibe was good. We get to her friends' boyfriends place (her boyfriend was still at work) and start drinking liquor and listening to music. It was a bunch of emo crap but I nod my head approvingly with the songs and try to sound like I still listen to the same type of songs (haven't listened to emo stuff since high school). We are all getting progressively drunker, just us 3. The conversation turns sexual somehow and we are flirting, talking about dirty things and I realize I have a solid chance of having sex. Her friend was being a ** block initially but after some drinks and some sarcastic jokes and funnies from me, she warms up to me and realizes I'm not a bad dude and doesn't really interfere with the flirting going on. The friends boyfriend gets home and we all chit chat a little bit and I can tell he's tired from work. So I leave and the hott girl follows me out and asks if she can stay at my place. So I'm thinking.. SCORE! Mainly because I'm not even good with girls and hadn't been laid in awhile and hadn't been with a girl this attractive before. We make the 15 minute walk home, I don't have my key so I knock until my drunk, sleeping room mate answers. He takes the couch and we hit the bed and turn out the lights. I'll add that I wasn't expecting any of this to happen so I had a pile of dirty clothes on my bed so we took my room mates bed on the bottom bunk. We are fooling around, making out and whatnot, things are getting heavy and I'm hoping I have rubbers somewhere... Then all of a sudden I get the Mount Rushmore of all nosebleeds. I can feel it coming and stop things before I bleed all over her and run to the bathroom. She notices my nose bleed and stays in bed while I try to stop it as quick as possible. Like ten minutes later it's finally stopped and I come back and lay spooning with her and I hear one of the most dissapointing sentences I've ever heard: A semi-disgusted "You don't think you're putting it in me tonight do you!?" Kisses on the neck don't work and I'm forced to lay beside her in bed all night, thinking about how unlucky I am. I hadn't had a nosebleed in seriously like 10 years. So the next morning she wakes up and leaves, but I am thinking... Ok this girl is hott and into me, ill throw her a text in the next day or two and see whats up. I text her a few times over the next few weeks to no response. She deletes me off Facebook. We have opposite work schedules and I never talk to her again. I end up washing my room mates bed sheets for all the wrong reasons. Feels bad, man.

10-20-2010, 08:21 AM	#3256 (permalink)
~~Sansa Stark~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: The Eyrie, Vale of Arryn, Westeros Posts: 3,234	She didn't ** you because you had a nosebleed?!? What kind of bull** is that!?

10-20-2010, 08:47 AM	#3258 (permalink)
~~Sansa Stark~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: The Eyrie, Vale of Arryn, Westeros Posts: 3,234	She must not have had much of a mood for it if she let a nosebleed get in the way of getting diicked

10-20-2010, 08:54 AM	#3259 (permalink)
~~Dirty~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: USA Posts: 981	Ha maybe her drunk wore off I think she's smokin hott but she didn't know what she was doing for ****. Worst kisser ever. Pretty much just ate my whole face.