| VEGANGELICA |
07-27-2010 09:18 AM |
Quote:
Originally Posted by Freebase Dali
(Post 907575)
I wouldn't know from experience, but I'm pretty sure when kids come into the picture and you're married or whatever, they're the main focus and the attention is on keeping things together for their sake and not for the sake of your sexual urges or lack thereof.
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This has definitely been true in my experience, Freebase. I have found that the friendship in the relationship is what really holds it together during this phase.
Quote:
I also want to point out that a girl is not necessarily attracted to the way you "look" in the same way we are attracted to the way they look. Their attraction has more of a mental basis than a visual one, especially in the long term, and the way we act can have a huge effect on how attractive we are to them. Us guys might be attracted to a particular woman's body for years, but they're not so lucky if we're douchebags the whole relationship, as we'll be more of a turn-off regardless.
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You should be a sex therapist! It is *also* my experience in relationships that the more clashes over issues, or the more often a significant other put me down, my feelings about his attractiveness changed. Someone I intially felt was attractive started to feel repulsive to me...even though I could *see* the person looked exactly the same. The quality of the relationship outside sex definitely affected whether I found the person to be physically attractive.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Freebase Dali
(Post 907629)
Just don't tailor your own identity for the sake of someone else's. That's where thinks have a huge potential of backfiring.
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This is perhaps the most important lesson I learned through all my relationships: I can't try to change who I feel I am in my core and remain happy. Early on I was much more plastic, wanting to mold myself to gain the person's acceptance and approval. I finally learned to stop doing that (mostly). I really valued finding someone who accepted me as I am for the most part, not wanting to change me fundamentally. That actually became my main criterion in finding a partner...in addition to finding someone with a sense of humor.
Willingly changing certain aspects of yourself to try to help your partner feel more comfortable, especially when it isn't hard to do or if you agree that you'd like to change those things about yourself, is fine. But when a partner dislikes something you feel is core to your personality, I don't think the relationship will ever work (well). |
