I hope the fact every time my bf wants to cuddle I try to make it sexual doesn't push him away. I have been dumped for treating my men like meat in the past.

Will try harder to be sweet.

Yeah.... I was also very mildly tripping that night. I have no idea if any of that actually happened.

lmao bro

I'm sure he will endure.

Yeah, he loves me. He knows I love him, I'm just a pig.

A pig for him.

Things to not say when you're trying to get laid:

"on a scale of 1 to 10 how good are you at sucking dick?"
"You're too old to get knocked up, right?"

Drunken texts from a friend, the real fun started when he decided to call me instead:

*unintelligible slurring*
Then "why are we not f ucking right now?"
Then when I laugh at him he's all "shut the f uck up, I'll punch you in the mouth. But why aren't we f ucking right now? Shut up! Shut up, I'll smash a brick over your head. Why aren't we f ucking right now?"

Oh god, i died laughing. I know he's not serious, just a really sloppy drunk. Still it was hilarious, I can't wait to see how much he remembers in the morning.

I've never reaped the benefits of sex in a relationship before but my god, it gets better as time goes on.


Also, you'll be pleased to hear I got over my blow job stage fright.

I'm going to write a memoir called "Jesus Will Come Before I Do: How I Joined a Nunnery"

:clap::clap::clap:

getting yr toes sucked is gross and horrible and I am never doing it again