Advice thread

[Dr_Rez]

Originally Posted by sleepy jack

Yeah I'm calling bs.

And Im seconding that. Regardless though GB would still make a good guidance counselor.

[GuitarBizarre]

I'd have to agree with RezZ. THe sheer amount of times in my life that I have had to give life advice to people, has left me with an almost retardedly good sense of advice in these situations.

To put that into perspective, I have actually had people remark before now, that I'm the only person they know whose ENTIRE friendship circle is comprised of people with some kind of crazy mental issue related to work or family or relationships or something.

[Kevorkian Logic]

Originally Posted by coryallen2

well last night at exactly 4:47 in the morning i woke up too some noise...it was my moms bf telling her he would kill her...so i did what everyone else would do...i grabbed a bat and chased him with it...what should i have done?

that's a really weird coincidence, the other night I was at this bar and this older guy came up to me and started to hit on me and told me a couple of nights ago around 5 o'clock in the morning his bitch took all the covers and he told her he was going to kill her and then his son came in from nowhere and started to chase him with a bat.

[TheCunningStunt]

There's a lot of wise members on here, all would be happy to help with any problems in your personal life. I thought this would be a nice thread for people to unburden their problems, and get some perspective.

I'll go first... Me and my ex, we were together and it was a short relationship and it was generally a bit of a train wreck. So, I ask you... Can things change over time? She messaged me randomly, after a lot of ill feeling. More on my part than hers, I refused to talk to her a while ago. I decided life's too short to be holding a grudge, one thing led to another and we had a good catch up and we're supposed to be going out for a drink and to go and see a film.
She's a bit mental, clingy and insecure.
I'm pretty much the opposite, I don't want some clingy bint hanging off my shoulder looking for constant attention.
Pretty unsure what to do.
Oh wise forum, help me.

[ThePhanastasio]

Originally Posted by TheCunningStunt

There's a lot of wise members on here, all would be happy to help with any problems in your personal life. I thought this would be a nice thread for people to unburden their problems, and get some perspective.

I'll go first... Me and my ex, we were together and it was a short relationship and it was generally a bit of a train wreck. So, I ask you... Can things change over time? She messaged me randomly, after a lot of ill feeling. More on my part than hers, I refused to talk to her a while ago. I decided life's too short to be holding a grudge, one thing led to another and we had a good catch up and we're supposed to be going out for a drink and to go and see a film.
She's a bit mental, clingy and insecure.
I'm pretty much the opposite, I don't want some clingy bint hanging off my shoulder looking for constant attention.
Pretty unsure what to do.
Oh wise forum, help me.

Great idea for a thread!

I will say, in response to your situation, that it is true that things can change over time. It's not always (or even often) the case, but relationships are learning experiences for pretty much everyone, regardless of the length of said relationship.

With that said...

Going out for a drink and to see a film is completely fine and safe. I would say that it's a perfectly all right idea, to let bygones be bygones and catch up a bit.

Since you've already been in a relationship with her, you can use that as an opportunity to see if you notice any changes in her from when you were together. While she may be attempting to project a different image out there in the hopes that you'll give a relationship another go, you have the advantage of knowing her already. You can certainly pick up on any of the negative behaviors she exhibited previously much easier than the next guy.

My main advice is just to go ahead with the drinks and a film, and see how it goes. You probably shouldn't choose to jump into a relationship with her again based on the success of this meeting, but you can use it as a springboard to objectively view the situation as a whole and see where it goes from there.

You can be friendly by all means, and probably should, but if she immediately jumps into talk of how you two should date again, you should probably not allow that to happen - at least not right off the bat.

Basically, just see how it goes. If she, after a bit, gives you legitimate reason to believe that she's changed for the better, then go for it! If not - you'll be able to spot the red flags pretty quickly and get out fast.

[TheCunningStunt]

Top top advice.
I'm pretty much going to go out for a drink, bite to eat and film etc.
Last time we went out, she tried to put her hands down my pants in public.
I hate public displays of affection, that said - I wasn't completely kind to her.
She's a bit mental and clingy, but she's also really funny and a good person.
I think last time, we jumped into something.
I think going out and seeing what she's like, she says she's changed and grown up a lot etc. so she might be telling the truth.

I'm going to make it clear that we're going for a bite to eat, hanging out.
Rather than putting a "date" stamp on it, if you know what I mean?

Thanks for the advice!

[James]

As you can tell from my severly angsty teenage posts everywhere, I "think" i have a lot of problems(most aren't really problems though, by adult standards).
I feel incredibly lonely, I'm in that whole "I'm gonna die alone" mood all the time and I honestly don't see me ever meeting anyone
I've never really dated anyone and although I have a few gal pals a lot of the girls at school really hate me. How did you all meet people? Have any of you felt this way? Am I gonna end up like Boo Boo?
I thought i'd post this as my other two dramas you've heard enough about I guess.

[Scarlett O'Hara]

Originally Posted by TheCunningStunt

There's a lot of wise members on here, all would be happy to help with any problems in your personal life. I thought this would be a nice thread for people to unburden their problems, and get some perspective.

I'll go first... Me and my ex, we were together and it was a short relationship and it was generally a bit of a train wreck. So, I ask you... Can things change over time? She messaged me randomly, after a lot of ill feeling. More on my part than hers, I refused to talk to her a while ago. I decided life's too short to be holding a grudge, one thing led to another and we had a good catch up and we're supposed to be going out for a drink and to go and see a film.
She's a bit mental, clingy and insecure.
I'm pretty much the opposite, I don't want some clingy bint hanging off my shoulder looking for constant attention.
Pretty unsure what to do.
Oh wise forum, help me.

I still tell her to fuck off. She's not going to suddenly become mature and unclingy. If it was only a short period you were dating then does it matter? You can tell her you don't hate her but being friends I think would be a step too far.

[ThePhanastasio]

Originally Posted by TheCunningStunt

Top top advice.
I'm pretty much going to go out for a drink, bite to eat and film etc.
Last time we went out, she tried to put her hands down my pants in public.
I hate public displays of affection, that said - I wasn't completely kind to her.
She's a bit mental and clingy, but she's also really funny and a good person.
I think last time, we jumped into something.
I think going out and seeing what she's like, she says she's changed and grown up a lot etc. so she might be telling the truth.

I'm going to make it clear that we're going for a bite to eat, hanging out.
Rather than putting a "date" stamp on it, if you know what I mean?

Thanks for the advice!

Yes, it's certainly best not to say it's a "date" at this point especially. That may also deter her from attempting to put her hands down your pants again, but one can never be sure of such things.

At least then, if you're making it clear, she knows that she's going to have to make a legitimate effort to change. Also, that you've distanced yourself from her previously - well, that probably at least got her thinking about what she's done wrong in the past.

And if she says she's "changed", that may not be the case, but that means she's at least thought about things, and might have an idea of what NOT to do at this point. At least she probably tried - which is better than a lot of people, for sure.

Originally Posted by James

As you can tell from my severly angsty teenage posts everywhere, I "think" i have a lot of problems(most aren't really problems though, by adult standards).
I feel incredibly lonely, I'm in that whole "I'm gonna die alone" mood all the time and I honestly don't see me ever meeting anyone
I've never really dated anyone and although I have a few gal pals a lot of the girls at school really hate me. How did you all meet people? Have any of you felt this way? Am I gonna end up like Boo Boo?
I thought i'd post this as my other two dramas you've heard enough about I guess.

I have felt that way before, actually. The way I usually meet people is by becoming involved in a lot of things.

For example, I've met the last three people I've dated in the following ways:

1.) I was involved with directing and performing in a shadowcast of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" for a period of time, which involved interacting with a lot of other performers and audience members (I probably never would have met otherwise) on a weekly basis. This ultimately led to a relationship with a fellow cast member.

2.) I got a job, and often talked to my fellow employees out of necessity and to pass the time. Eventually, a group of us would get together, go out to eat / see a movie / etc. After a while, I left that job, but continued hanging out with that same group of people, ultimately dating one of my former coworkers.

3.) Doing community theatre, you meet new people with every single show you do. You see these people about five days a week most of the time, and build pretty tight relationships with these people. I dated someone in the cast of a show I did.

So basically, just become involved with a lot of things you're interested in! School is a way for some people to meet their significant others, but for a lot of people, particularly people more on the shy side, it's easier in a smaller group.

When the group of people is smaller and all have at least one common interest, that gives you at least one thing to talk about. Also, you generally are going to see those people in the setting of a smaller group, which gives you more opportunity to talk to them.

Like, do you write? Act? Understand / have an interest in working sound or lighting? Play an instrument? Draw or paint? Like reading books?

There are all sorts of organizations you can get involved with. Make sure it's something you like or have an interest in learning about, then go wild!

[duga]

Originally Posted by James

As you can tell from my severly angsty teenage posts everywhere, I "think" i have a lot of problems(most aren't really problems though, by adult standards).
I feel incredibly lonely, I'm in that whole "I'm gonna die alone" mood all the time and I honestly don't see me ever meeting anyone
I've never really dated anyone and although I have a few gal pals a lot of the girls at school really hate me. How did you all meet people? Have any of you felt this way? Am I gonna end up like Boo Boo?
I thought i'd post this as my other two dramas you've heard enough about I guess.

Oh, James. You are so young. All I can tell you is most teenagers feel the exact same thing in some form or other. I went through it. Just suck it up and try to get through it. In a few short years after puberty, you will see as everyone does how pointless it is to stress over this stuff. You've got a good 60 or 70 years to find someone, so I doubt you will die alone.