Advice thread

[djchameleon]

Originally Posted by oojay

On one hand, you don't want to induce another mental breakdown. On the other hand, his behavior is not healthy. If you try an intervention he would most likely rebel and lose his sh*t, so I think hinting at it and easing him into the idea of change would probably be better than a trial by fire.

If you read the end of his post they have done interventions before and he has done exactly what you said.

He's far gone past the stage of easing into anything.

[ThePhanastasio]

****. I've ****ed up, and it is legitimately 100% my fault.

I've had the chance to be with this girl, who is most likely the love of my life...

And I've hooked up with her on numerous occasions, in addition to having dated previously. But I recently have had a chance to have made it official, but neglected this.

I finally decided that, you know what, I want to be with her. I really care about her, and she's been there for me for the past five years, so it all makes sense.

The day I decided this, her relationship status on facebook changed to "in a relationship" and she won't answer my phone calls.

Am I too late? Is there anything I can do?

[FETCHER.]

Fuuuuuck. Nothing worse than that feeling.

I guess the only thing you could pretty much do is perhaps drop her a text? If you have the balls then I'd tell her how you felt? That's what I'd do if I was in that situation. But you'll probably find that theirs advice 100x better than mines.

[djchameleon]

If she's not answering the phone then dropping a text is not going to work and go unanswered if you really care about her, you'd have to go and try to talk to her in person letting it all out there and putting your heart on the line and letting her know how you really feel but it may be too late.

or you could ignore my advice because people around these parts seem to think I always have crappy advice anyways.

[Nosferatu Man]

Originally Posted by ThePhanastasio

****. I've ****ed up, and it is legitimately 100% my fault.

I've had the chance to be with this girl, who is most likely the love of my life...

And I've hooked up with her on numerous occasions, in addition to having dated previously. But I recently have had a chance to have made it official, but neglected this.

I finally decided that, you know what, I want to be with her. I really care about her, and she's been there for me for the past five years, so it all makes sense.

The day I decided this, her relationship status on facebook changed to "in a relationship" and she won't answer my phone calls.

Am I too late? Is there anything I can do?

I reckon you should drop her a text asking could you meet for a coffee and a quick chat. If she says yes it might mean she still harbours feeling for you and at said coffee I would chat amicably sound her out, see what she says about her new guy, if you think her reaction is anything short of normal you should mention how you feel. Just say something wistful and quickly mention as an aside that 'I really quite like you, you know, bit of a shame that I have to wait until you realise you'd prefer me than (you'll know the boyfriends name by now and you must make an alliterative joke like: example) Daring Dave/Seductive Sebastian or Adonis-esque Adam.

If she doesn't reply to your text you have to forget about it for the moment. Just make a deal with yourself that you'll keep an eye on her relationship status and when she's single, if you still want to you can approach her.

Just don't start chasing amy!

[ThePhanastasio]

This may not seem like a serious situation, but I'm still kind of flustered about the whole thing. I took a few months off of acting to focus on music and starting to perform - and to get some writing on - and now I have the following dilemma:

I have so much work to choose from, that I have no idea what to do.

Play One: I Never Saw Another Butterfly.
Pros: Very heavy subject matter to get lost in; wide range of characters; to be performed on the Paramount stage (1400+ seats); traveling to school shows; lots of performance; lots of press exposure; would be a nice addition to any resume.

Cons: It's about the Holocaust; It's got some writing that leans towards melodrama unintentionally; the audition for this is tomorrow, and it's the show that's making me need to choose so quickly.

Play Two: Chicago (Musical)
Pros: I would love to play Velma Kelly; It'd be nice to perform with this company again; It's already getting a lot of hype; I'll get to add another musical to my resume; large theatre; wonderful stage; lots of experience with technical work to be had (required work calls for costumes, props, scenery, etc.).

Cons: I sometimes panic at music auditions; I'm just an okay dancer - this could be an issue; I'll probably not get the part I want anyway; if I do this show, the director doesn't allow his actors to perform in other shows simultaneously.

Play Three: The Pillowman
Pros: I love working with this director; he spoke to me a few days ago specifically asking me to audition to play the same part I already played in the show a few years ago; it's funded through a huge Kentucky Arts project; proceeds for all of the plays this director directs go mainly to local charities; I love the show; very flexible audition times and the ability to do at least one other show.

Cons: The part isn't particularly large, although it is fun; It's the only female part in the show; I've already played this part; Audience turn-out is usually less than 50; I don't like putting the same role on my resume, because it makes me feel like a one-trick pony.

Play Four: Tales of Suspense
Pros: To be performed at the Paramount (1400 seat theatre); I could do The Pillowman AND I Never Saw Another Butterfly if I do this one; a lot of varied roles - each performer is to be multi-cast; two shows near Halloween; would be a lot of fun.

Cons: It's not really a nice, substantial play to sink my teeth into; I'm not that interested in the premise as a whole, but I know it would be fun; the cast list is to be posted on my birthday, and could make my entire day miserable if the outcome isn't favorable.

All right, that seems like a lot to choose between, yeah? Oh, it gets more difficult.

Opportunity 1: Murder Mystery Dinner Theatre
Pros: Dear sweet Jesus, I've always wanted to do one of these things; this company works across five states (KY, OH, WV, PA, and VA) and I do so love to travel; stipend; would be a blast; a style of theatre I've never had the opportunity to do; I was apparently recommended for this, and the director contacted me personally about the opportunity.

Cons: This would likely make it difficult to know if I was able to do other shows, or if I'd be traveling; it'd be fun, but I still want to be able to add in some nice tasty dramas to further hone my acting chops; I don't know a single person in the company, and run the risk of not assimilating well; I could be asked to learn several parts from up to a dozen different shows, which would make it even harder to do any other theatre.

Opportunity Two: New Works Series.
Pros: I get to direct, and cast my own plays - what's not awesome about that?!; I get a free space to do the shows, and the equipment (mics, lights, etc.) are all included; state-wide exposure = Actors Theatre of Louisville (hosts of the HUMANA FESTIVAL; google it); I have a lot of material that I want to have produced.

Cons: I'm so awful at advertising that I'd be hard-pressed to find new talent to fill the roles and would have to stick to the talent pool I already know; I'd still have to pay out of pocket to get my sets built and costumes - and I will have difficulties affording that if I do several plays in a calendar year.

So - basically I figure my options are these:

I could take both of the juicy offers and do either Plays One and Four, or Play Three at the same time. Both would be heavy workloads, but if I chose Play Three especially, it'd be manageable.

I could take ONE of the juicy offers and do Plays One, Three, and Four; if I chose the second offer, doing Play Two + that offer would be an option.

I could just do Play Two, and try to pray that Play Three would be allowable as it's flexible and doesn't directly interfere with rehearsal or performance schedules.

I could just do Plays One, Three, and Four.

I could just take ONE of the offers, and hope that works out.

I could take BOTH of the offers, and hope they both work out.

...any insight that I'm missing?

[Alfred]

If my input means anything, based on the info you have provided... I think going for plays one and four would be your best bet, as well as Opportunity 2. You have a serious play that you say would be a nice addition to your resume, a seemingly lighter play, as well as some experience in other parts of this field.

Edit: Which to me, and again, based on the info you have provided, seems manageable.

[ThePhanastasio]

Seriously delicate shiz here.

One of my best friends lives about an hour and a half away. For 4/20, my other close friends and I are going up to his place to rage. One of my close friends, however, has a girlfriend who is kind of clingy and is acquainted loosely with our friend from out of town.

She wants to go as well. One of the people going and I are adamantly against this, and her boyfriend also doesn't want her to go, because that might put our friend out of town and his wife in a bad position. They're not really huge fans of my buddy's girlfriend, but that's not something you just want to say to someone, you know?

At his place, the sleeping arrangements are two people sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag, and one person gets the couch. There's really not room for three people to sleep on the ground, or two to sleep on the couch. It really doesn't seem feasible for some reason to just tell her there's no room, though, because she'd be all, "Well [boyfriend] and I can sleep in a sleeping bag together," and that would be awkward to not have a back-up argument.

Also, one problem that a few of us are having with her is that we can't "trip" with her. When I'm just tripping with my friends, we have a great time, and no one's anxious. She was there, however, last time we tripped, and she brought the vibes down big time. She somehow managed to get me into the worst headspace imaginable to the point where I had my first legitimately bad trip in my life, she divided the room into two separate "countries" and wouldn't let anyone who wasn't my friend (her boyfriend) onto her side, and wouldn't let him leave it, and just overall made everyone in a not-so-good place. She also took something that I had picked up and determined was the only thing that made my world okay, and threw it in the garbage because she said I was being ridiculous, which led to me going into a really dark place.

I don't want her there when I'm tripping. She's very egocentric and has no regard at all for others when she's tripping. Even if I'm out of my mind, if I see someone who looks like they're having a bad time of it, I'll go over to them and tell them, "It's okay, dude. Don't worry. It's always been like this," or something to that effect. She just exacerbates potential bad trips with everyone to the point that it makes it uncomfortable or just plain awful.

What would be a good way to tell her she's not allowed to come with us, without seeming like a complete asswipe?

[ThePhanastasio]

Advice regarding muscle growth, please.

I'm a lady, and can apparently build muscle faster than I should. I have no inherent desire to be mannish, but I'm currently training to be a professional wrestler...I've not even been working out that hardcore. I know tons of girls who work out way more hardcore than I do, but I'm way more muscular than they are.

How do I staunch muscle growth, while still increasing my fitness level?!

[FETCHER.]

I'm no expert but I'd say doing cardio stuff would work fine. You may find your legs will build muscle because mines did when I was doing loads of running. I could ask my mate who's a personal trainer if you're looking for a more specific answer?