Advice thread

Queen Boo · 06-25-2011, 08:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aurora

My sister absolutely insists I'm gay. This wouldn't be a problem, if I WAS. I feel like my family is talking about me behind my back constantly and she's basically pressuring me to come out. It's really starting to grate on me and obviously I don't like the accusations when I'm inclined otherwise. I genuinely have no idea how to go about it, or even what to say. I've told her I'm not, and all I get is a raised eyebrow and 'hmm'. It's very, I don't know? Patronising? And it's pissing me off.

Act like a whore, it worked like a charm for me.

FETCHER. · 06-26-2011, 08:50 AM

Honestly I think it's because of the short hair and ear piercings. Shes narrow minded like that.

I'm not really like that Annie. I don't just put it on a plate and I'd hate to do so just to prove a point to someone.

~~Farfisa~~ · 06-26-2011, 08:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aurora

Honestly I think it's because of the short hair and ear piercings. Shes narrow minded like that.

I'm not really like that Annie. I don't just put it on a plate and I'd hate to do so just to prove a point to someone.

That's silly, don't you or didn't you have a boyfriend for awhile?

djchameleon · 06-26-2011, 08:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aurora

Honestly I think it's because of the short hair and ear piercings. Shes narrow minded like that.

I'm not really like that Annie. I don't just put it on a plate and I'd hate to do so just to prove a point to someone.

All you have to do is tell her that you aren't, you don't have to go out of your way to prove anything to her.

She will continue to think whatever she wants regardless

Mojo · 06-26-2011, 08:57 AM

Are you absolutely certain they arent just messing around with you?

If so, then whats the tone of their response like? Do they give the impression they would have a problem with it if you were?

If you have told them you arent and expressed that you would like them to stop being this way then it's hard to think what advice to offer you, because you arent the one that needs it.

Queen Boo · 06-26-2011, 10:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aurora

Honestly I think it's because of the short hair and ear piercings. Shes narrow minded like that.

I'm not really like that Annie. I don't just put it on a plate and I'd hate to do so just to prove a point to someone.

I was half kidding but if you don't want people to think that you're a lesbian then wearing more makeup or high heels or something might help. There are a lot of girly lesbians but they aren't really brushed upon in the mainstream. Your sister might not know they exist.

I like your hair.

~~Dirty~~ · 07-14-2011, 10:29 AM

Any serious or non serious advice to helping out a friend of mine would be swell.

A little background about the guy so you can put a picture in your head:

One of my best high school friends. We were the most popular kids in school and he developed a big ego and thought he was awesome because he thought high school mattered and never let it go. He was always the fat hilarious guy that got along with everyone and was always joking around. He's 22 now and still doesn't have his driver's license and has never had a job. He is so incredibly lazy and worthless but has a ton of friends because he's a super social and outgoing guy and has a good heart.

He's also a chronic liar. One of those people that's so outwardsly happy that you know something has to be bothering him deep down. He went to college and had a mental breakdown like 2 weeks in and left in the middle of the night and never went back. Didn't even tell his room mates he was leaving. Then he enrolled in my college (where my other best friend also went). We still liked the kid, but knew he would occasionally lie about stuff but we took it for what it was.

Anyways, skip to now. I transferred and didn't really talk to him for 2 years, just here and there online about sports. 2 months ago we started hanging out when I was around town and we became friends again, going out for beers and bull****ting. All of my friends know he lies about stuff but we didn't know how bad it was. A mutual friend of ours spilled a ton of lies about this kid... He hasn't been enrolled in college for over 2 years but still lives on campuses and parties and stuff. He fakes like he is going to class and walks around campus with a backpack, then comes back. His mom gives him whatever he wants (probably since his dad died a few years back) and he has ran his family into debt. His mother called my friend 4 times in the last year asking him for money loans (my friend is a bookie, has tons of money). Couple weeks back, he said he finally got his license. This was also a lie. He is now driving without ever getting a license and I'm pissed because he has driven me around. There's also a girl he is friends with who he constantly lies about and says they are dating and have done all sorts of sexual stuff when none of it's true. He wrote a book and got it published by some small company (it was only 22 pages long) and lies about the money he receives from them.

He doesn't know I know any of this, but I just think he's in serious trouble. He has run his mom and him into debt by living on college campuses without even attending school for 2 years. The kid just lies about everything but is a legit nice guy (hard guy to really explain). He's 22 and has never had a job or license and spends money like crazy. I don't know what he'll do since he has no education, even though he fakes like hes in college, and now is in massive debt. I guess my friend confronted him about the lies and he has a mental breakdown, which he is prone to do. I wanna help the guy out cause I see his life just going down the toilet but I don't know what to say or do. Everytime we have tried to motivate him in the past he has either shrugged it off or got pissed off because we were making fun of him then got depressed.

~~[MERIT]~~ · 07-14-2011, 02:11 PM

Damn Curt, that's a pretty complex situation that he's in. I would just try to instill in him that honesty is the best policy. Just drop all the lies, admit your faults, and start with a clean state. Let him know how his lies and spending are impacting his friends and family, and tell them he needs to change his ways if he wants to be your friend. Seems harsh, but it's probably for the best.

djchameleon · 07-14-2011, 02:36 PM

I think you should probably step it up a little more since you did the little intervention but it didn't work, try to see if you can get him some professional help

~~[MERIT]~~ · 07-14-2011, 02:41 PM

On one hand, you don't want to induce another mental breakdown. On the other hand, his behavior is not healthy. If you try an intervention he would most likely rebel and lose his sh*t, so I think hinting at it and easing him into the idea of change would probably be better than a trial by fire.

06-26-2011, 08:57 AM	#175 (permalink)
Mojo Melancholia Eternally Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: England Posts: 5,018	Are you absolutely certain they arent just messing around with you? If so, then whats the tone of their response like? Do they give the impression they would have a problem with it if you were? If you have told them you arent and expressed that you would like them to stop being this way then it's hard to think what advice to offer you, because you arent the one that needs it. __________________ Last.FM \| Echoes and Dust

07-14-2011, 10:29 AM	#177 (permalink)
~~Dirty~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: USA Posts: 981	Any serious or non serious advice to helping out a friend of mine would be swell. A little background about the guy so you can put a picture in your head: One of my best high school friends. We were the most popular kids in school and he developed a big ego and thought he was awesome because he thought high school mattered and never let it go. He was always the fat hilarious guy that got along with everyone and was always joking around. He's 22 now and still doesn't have his driver's license and has never had a job. He is so incredibly lazy and worthless but has a ton of friends because he's a super social and outgoing guy and has a good heart. He's also a chronic liar. One of those people that's so outwardsly happy that you know something has to be bothering him deep down. He went to college and had a mental breakdown like 2 weeks in and left in the middle of the night and never went back. Didn't even tell his room mates he was leaving. Then he enrolled in my college (where my other best friend also went). We still liked the kid, but knew he would occasionally lie about stuff but we took it for what it was. Anyways, skip to now. I transferred and didn't really talk to him for 2 years, just here and there online about sports. 2 months ago we started hanging out when I was around town and we became friends again, going out for beers and bull****ting. All of my friends know he lies about stuff but we didn't know how bad it was. A mutual friend of ours spilled a ton of lies about this kid... He hasn't been enrolled in college for over 2 years but still lives on campuses and parties and stuff. He fakes like he is going to class and walks around campus with a backpack, then comes back. His mom gives him whatever he wants (probably since his dad died a few years back) and he has ran his family into debt. His mother called my friend 4 times in the last year asking him for money loans (my friend is a bookie, has tons of money). Couple weeks back, he said he finally got his license. This was also a lie. He is now driving without ever getting a license and I'm pissed because he has driven me around. There's also a girl he is friends with who he constantly lies about and says they are dating and have done all sorts of sexual stuff when none of it's true. He wrote a book and got it published by some small company (it was only 22 pages long) and lies about the money he receives from them. He doesn't know I know any of this, but I just think he's in serious trouble. He has run his mom and him into debt by living on college campuses without even attending school for 2 years. The kid just lies about everything but is a legit nice guy (hard guy to really explain). He's 22 and has never had a job or license and spends money like crazy. I don't know what he'll do since he has no education, even though he fakes like hes in college, and now is in massive debt. I guess my friend confronted him about the lies and he has a mental breakdown, which he is prone to do. I wanna help the guy out cause I see his life just going down the toilet but I don't know what to say or do. Everytime we have tried to motivate him in the past he has either shrugged it off or got pissed off because we were making fun of him then got depressed.

07-14-2011, 02:11 PM	#178 (permalink)
~~[MERIT]~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Missouri, USA Posts: 4,814	Damn Curt, that's a pretty complex situation that he's in. I would just try to instill in him that honesty is the best policy. Just drop all the lies, admit your faults, and start with a clean state. Let him know how his lies and spending are impacting his friends and family, and tell them he needs to change his ways if he wants to be your friend. Seems harsh, but it's probably for the best.

07-14-2011, 02:41 PM	#180 (permalink)
~~[MERIT]~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Missouri, USA Posts: 4,814	On one hand, you don't want to induce another mental breakdown. On the other hand, his behavior is not healthy. If you try an intervention he would most likely rebel and lose his sh*t, so I think hinting at it and easing him into the idea of change would probably be better than a trial by fire.