Roygbiv

I've been trying to deal with this by myself for the past half year but absolutely can't anymore, and paying to see a shrink is a no-no, so I thought I could turn to you guys since some of you actually have some wisdom somewhere in ya : P

So here it is:

Ex girlfriend troubles. Last year we met and it was wonderful, we hit it right away. She lived, and still lives, right in front of my house, so it was convenient at the time (obviously terrible presently).

We dated for a few months until a bunch of little things happened at once: She was three years younger than me which means we didn't share the same friends, she couldn't go out drinking, she didn't have a job so we couldn't really go out anywhere too often, so all we did was stay inside and... ... well, do it all the time.

It was awesome for a while but then became boring, fast, because that's all we did, everday, everytime we saw each-other. So I broke it off, just dumped her, made her feel like **** because she loved the hell out of me. I was stressed with money, with school, I didn't feel like we were going anywhere - I broke it off. She fought for our relationship for a week before she said **** it.

We're on speaking terms now (meaning she doesn't hate my guts but we don't ever talk), but she also has a boyfriend now, whom apparently she loves, so I really can't touch that.

I took a year off school just when the recession really hit so I don't really work, don't go to school, don't have money to do squat - I'm inside all day and all I think about is her, and how I destroyed her. I try to think about all the reasons why I broke up with her, how it isn't about the sex or anything else... but her attitude, her fantastic personality is what I miss. The personality I kinda killed.

Also, just when I think I'm close to getting over it, I realize she lives right in front of my house and I see that house every day... when I leave for something and return from it. I'm tortured by that fking house. But I can't move. I also see her boyfriend go in and out and I try not to think about it but I do.

I've tried everything: keeping busy, not hanging out with her sister (which I used to do and she still considers me a very good friend), trying to focus my energy on my family and... feck, my GIRLFRIEND now.

But for some reason I keep thinking back to who I was with her, and how she was with me, and how she was waaaay beyond my league and still accepted me. Oh, and she was my first time. And now she's so much better. She looks hotter, has a job, and what really sets me off is that her birthday was yesterday, the 11th.

I can't sleep, she's in my dreams - I can't fking live like this. I'm afraid of messing things up with my gf now because I can't get over my last one.

Usually I would accept sarcasm and laugh with it and such, but if you really don't have anything to say, please dont. I'd rather see this thread die without any posts than see a bunch of smartass comments. I DO accept harsh criticism, though, so lay it out on me.

I don't know guys... I'm at the end of the road.

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