I Need Therapy

Sparky · 02-12-2009, 06:50 PM

buy some computer games and drugs.

or get a job, go volunteer somewhere.

**Janszoon** · 02-12-2009, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Roygbiv

Usually I would accept sarcasm and laugh with it and such, but if you really don't have anything to say, please dont. I'd rather see this thread die without any posts than see a bunch of smartass comments. I DO accept harsh criticism, though, so lay it out on me.

I don't know guys... I'm at the end of the road.

Yeah, most of us have been down this road at some point and it sucks, but the best thing I can tell you is to keep in mind that these feelings are temporary. I know it doesn't feel that way right now, but they are. Try to imagine yourself ten years in the future looking back on right now, what do you think your perspective will be on this situation from that vantage point? Chances are you'll have a hard time even remembering why it felt so bad.

Roygbiv · 02-12-2009, 07:31 PM

Double X: its mostly self pity. sometimes i dont know what to think, whether she got over me completely and just thinks im just a guy, or if there's still some hate brewing.

I do have a job, but because of "the recession" I get about one shift a week. Don't even know where to start volunteering.

And i'm still 19, turning 20 next week.

Janszoon: you're right. time's probably all i need.

Barnard17 · 02-12-2009, 10:03 PM

So basically, you got your first girlfriend. Split up with her and are now with someone else. Not even a year has passed since you got with the first girl and you're acting like the world is collapsing because you miss her?

Srsly. Life goes on. Even if she does hate you, it doesn't matter **** because in a couple of years you'll be both ****ed off to different ends of the country for University and generally having a life. You're with a completely different girl now and even if things are going so badly that you're remembering some golden age of relationship, that's just a sign that you should be looking at the plenty more fish in the sea rather than picking at the bones of long dead ones.

Roygbiv · 02-12-2009, 10:12 PM

I like you.

jibber · 02-12-2009, 11:30 PM

You'll be fine. However wonderful you think your relationship was with this girl, it wasn't. That's why you dumped her after only a few months. a few months is really nothing. What's probably going on is that you've hit a bit of a rough patch with not working and not going to school, missing your old way of life, and latched onto the idea that by going back to her, everything will magically fix itself. It wont. You'll still be working one shift a week, still be feeling ****ty, and she still wont be old enough to drink.

Also, you said you feel bad that you destroyed her. Trust me, she's fine. She's probably very happy with the new guy and has a great life right now. Don't go messing around with her by telling her you still think about her. Give it time, you guys may or may not ever become friends like you were before, but eventually you just won't care anymore.

What you have to do is concentrate on what you can fix in your life. Maybe get another job, join a community sports league, go to night classes at the college or uni in your city, anything to make you feel like your life sucks less.

Roygbiv · 02-12-2009, 11:40 PM

Gentlemen, thank you. Every new advice makes it so much easier. It would be ridiculous to say I'm over it right now, but I'll look back at this thread from time to time, until I can read my first post and laugh at it.

All of your advice have been spot on - things I've thought about, things I've never considered, and things that are just so obvious but I was so blind with... whatever, to notice.

Jibber, Fal, your advice have been blunt and real. Reading even my last few posts I realized how ego centric I can be.

sleepy jack · 02-13-2009, 12:38 AM

Are you happy with your current girlfriend? I was in a similar situation and ended up dumping a girl I was with to try and get back with the ex (which did not work out.) Eventually I dated someone that wasn't either of them and I was very very happy with and I rarely think about the initial ex now. This might not be true at all but you should still think about it. Otherwise my advice would basically be the same as jibbers. I don't know man, you should just get out more and get involved in some time consuming hobby so you don't even think much. Start thinking about going back to school or read Ulysses or something.

Roygbiv · 02-13-2009, 02:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sleepy jack

Are you happy with your current girlfriend? I was in a similar situation and ended up dumping a girl I was with to try and get back with the ex (which did not work out.) Eventually I dated someone that wasn't either of them and I was very very happy with and I rarely think about the initial ex now. This might not be true at all but you should still think about it. Otherwise my advice would basically be the same as jibbers. I don't know man, you should just get out more and get involved in some time consuming hobby so you don't even think much. Start thinking about going back to school or read Ulysses or something.

Am I happy with my current gf? I'm on the fence on that one. She lives an hour away, in a different town, goes there studying a subject that gives her labs for homework ontop of assignments and exams and such, so she never calls, rarely is on msn, but I dont blame her. I don't want to. I don't want to treat her like my ex. I promised myself that whoever came along I would see through to the bitter end. So am I liking her because I should? Mostly, I have no illusions. But I can't go through another breakup while I'm getting over my last one. That would drive me bananas. And she is an aweesome cook, accepts me for every ****ty thing that I am, despite telling me she doesn't want to take things too fast she opened up to me immediately.... I couldn't do that to her too. I can't, I may be an *******, but I've got a conscience.

Can't wait to start school this September. The only problem with trying to get a hobby that doesn't require me staying at home (I already write. Finished a novel and everything) is that I need the money to go places and do things. I mean I'm not, like, homeless, but I really have to ration. See, I help my parents with rent (dad not in any shape to work, mom.... long story).

I hope your story was true. If not, eh.... and I'm actually planning to start Ulysses sometime in the future when I can get past a 600 page book first : )

I'm going to scout downtown Toronto tomorrow to see what kind of stuff people put on posters nowadays, I'm talking events and such.

In terms of volunteering (someone else mentioned this) google is terrible at telling me websites from which I can find organizations that need someone like me. I'll start digging deeper, see what I find.

In the meantime if I see my gf within the next week (right in front of my house... sigh), I'll just say "happy belated birthday," and walk on. I don't want to be "that dude" that gives her the whole "i dont know what i was thinking" bit when its her birthday week (and even if it wasn't) specially because she's happy where she's at, and then I'd be re-doing to her what I'm trying to get over.

jibber · 02-13-2009, 02:35 AM

Quote:

I promised myself that whoever came along I would see through to the bitter end.

That's the worst reason for being in a relationship i've ever heard of. Do yourself and this poor girl a huge favour and break it off if you dont want to be with her. If you're worried about going through another breakup, suck it up because by stringing this girl along in some bizarre rebound experiment you're only going to make matters a whole lot worse. It doesn't sound like you're with her because YOU want to be with her. It sounds like you're with her because she wants to be with you, you're afraid of being single and she was the first girl that just happened to "come along". HORRIBLE combination. If this is the case, get out before you screw this poor girl over. If however I've gotten it all wrong, and you really are very happy with this girl, and not just with her to get over your ex, then disregard all that.

02-12-2009, 07:31 PM	#13 (permalink)
Roygbiv marquee moon Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Toronto, Ontario Posts: 759	Double X: its mostly self pity. sometimes i dont know what to think, whether she got over me completely and just thinks im just a guy, or if there's still some hate brewing. I do have a job, but because of "the recession" I get about one shift a week. Don't even know where to start volunteering. And i'm still 19, turning 20 next week. Janszoon: you're right. time's probably all i need. __________________ Roygbiv's Review Revue LATEST REVIEW SILENT SHOUT BY THE KNIFE

02-12-2009, 10:03 PM	#14 (permalink)
Barnard17 My home? Discabled, Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Bristol, UK Posts: 204	So basically, you got your first girlfriend. Split up with her and are now with someone else. Not even a year has passed since you got with the first girl and you're acting like the world is collapsing because you miss her? Srsly. Life goes on. Even if she does hate you, it doesn't matter ** because in a couple of years you'll be both **ed off to different ends of the country for University and generally having a life. You're with a completely different girl now and even if things are going so badly that you're remembering some golden age of relationship, that's just a sign that you should be looking at the plenty more fish in the sea rather than picking at the bones of long dead ones. __________________ Vita brevis, Occasio praeceps

02-12-2009, 10:12 PM	#15 (permalink)
Roygbiv marquee moon Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Toronto, Ontario Posts: 759	I like you. __________________ Roygbiv's Review Revue LATEST REVIEW SILENT SHOUT BY THE KNIFE

02-12-2009, 11:30 PM	#16 (permalink)
jibber Freeskier Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Istanbul was Constantinople now it's Istanbul not Constantinople... Posts: 1,536	You'll be fine. However wonderful you think your relationship was with this girl, it wasn't. That's why you dumped her after only a few months. a few months is really nothing. What's probably going on is that you've hit a bit of a rough patch with not working and not going to school, missing your old way of life, and latched onto the idea that by going back to her, everything will magically fix itself. It wont. You'll still be working one shift a week, still be feeling ****ty, and she still wont be old enough to drink. Also, you said you feel bad that you destroyed her. Trust me, she's fine. She's probably very happy with the new guy and has a great life right now. Don't go messing around with her by telling her you still think about her. Give it time, you guys may or may not ever become friends like you were before, but eventually you just won't care anymore. What you have to do is concentrate on what you can fix in your life. Maybe get another job, join a community sports league, go to night classes at the college or uni in your city, anything to make you feel like your life sucks less. __________________ What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do -- especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road. William Least Heat Moon, Blue Highways Your toughest competitor lives in your head. Some days his name is fear, or pain, or gravity. Stomp his ass. HOOKED ON THE WHITE POWDER

02-12-2009, 11:40 PM	#17 (permalink)
Roygbiv marquee moon Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Toronto, Ontario Posts: 759	Gentlemen, thank you. Every new advice makes it so much easier. It would be ridiculous to say I'm over it right now, but I'll look back at this thread from time to time, until I can read my first post and laugh at it. All of your advice have been spot on - things I've thought about, things I've never considered, and things that are just so obvious but I was so blind with... whatever, to notice. Jibber, Fal, your advice have been blunt and real. Reading even my last few posts I realized how ego centric I can be. __________________ Roygbiv's Review Revue LATEST REVIEW SILENT SHOUT BY THE KNIFE

02-12-2009, 06:50 PM	#11 (permalink)
Sparky not really Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 5,223	buy some computer games and drugs. or get a job, go volunteer somewhere.

02-13-2009, 12:38 AM	#18 (permalink)
sleepy jack isfckingdead Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 18,967	Are you happy with your current girlfriend? I was in a similar situation and ended up dumping a girl I was with to try and get back with the ex (which did not work out.) Eventually I dated someone that wasn't either of them and I was very very happy with and I rarely think about the initial ex now. This might not be true at all but you should still think about it. Otherwise my advice would basically be the same as jibbers. I don't know man, you should just get out more and get involved in some time consuming hobby so you don't even think much. Start thinking about going back to school or read Ulysses or something.