Hahahahahaha!

Haha. Not me. Fuck diamonds. Get me a new guitar or something.

:rofl:

Now, tell me why Ive never had this luck.

Right. When one advertises that they're about to blow on another's face, the reaction is often disagreeable.

^no no, they don't tell you to advertise it, just surprise her! she'll like it.

This is awesome.


Anyway,

How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Let the bitch do the ironing in the dark.

What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down?
Slap her.

What do you say to a woman who has two black eyes?
Nothing, she has already been told twice.

What do a woman and a condom have in common?
They're both either in your wallet or on your d1ck.

How do you piss off a female archeologist??
Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it comes from

A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes." The man says "Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account." Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand. He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here." Phoof! There is a flash of light and abright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him. He continues, "Finally, I want to be irresistible to women." Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.

What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.

Woman inspires us to great things...and prevents us from achieving them.

Wanna hear a funny joke?
Women's rights.

Might have already been told:
Why don't women need drivers licenses?
There is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.

What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
-None, it should be opened when she brings it to you.