101 Reasons A Beer Is Better Than A Woman (house, pop)

lucifer_sam · 07-31-2008, 01:07 AM

Copy/pasted from a Facebook group I'm in.

Quote:

1. You can enjoy a BEER all month.
2. BEER stains wash out.
3. You don't have to wine and dine a BEER.
4. Your pepsi will always wait patiently for you in the car.
5. When BEER goes flat you toss it out.
6. BEER is never late.
7. HANGOVERS go away.
8. A cock doesn't get jealous when you grab another BEER.
9. BEER labels come off without a fight.
10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a BEER.
11. BEER never has a headache.
12. After you have a BEER, the bottle is still worth a dime.
13. A BEER won't get upset if you come home with BEER on your breath.
14. If you pour a BEER right, you will always get good head.
15. You can have more than one BEER a night and not feel guilty.
16. A BEER ALWAYS goes down easy.
17. You can share a BEER with your friends.
18. You always know that you are the first one to pop a BEER.
19. A BEER is always wet.
20. BEER doesn't demand equality.
21. A BEER doesn't care when you come.
22. You can have a BEER in public.
23. A frigid BEER is a good BEER.
24. You don't have to wash a BEER before it tastes good.
25. BEER always comes in multiples of six.
26. BEER doesn't mind being in the "wet spot" that IT left.
27. You can't catch anything but a "buzz" from a BEER.
28. After you have a BEER, you're committed to nothing other than dumping the empty bottle.
29. A BEER never costs you more than five dollars and never leaves you thirsty.
30. When your BEER is gone, you just pop another.
31. You rarely (if ever) find BEER labels on the shower curtain rod.
32. BEER looks the same in the morning.
33. BEER doesn't look you up in a month.
34. BEER doesn't worry about someone walking in.
35. BEER doesn't worry about waking the kids.
36. BEER doesn't get cramps.
37. BEER doesn't have a mother.
38. BEER doesn't have morals.
39. BEER doesn't go crazy once a month.
40. BEER always listens and never argues.
41. BEER labels don't go out of style every year.
42. BEER doesn't whine, it bubbles.
43. BEER doesn't have cold hands/feet.
44. BEER doesn't demand legality.
45. BEER is never overweight.
46. If you change BEERs, you don't have to pay alimony.
47. BEER won't run off with your credit cards.
48. BEER doesn't have a lawyer.
49. BEER doesn't need much closet space.
50. BEER can't give your herpes or other nasty things.
51. BEER doesn't complain about the way you drive.
52. BEER doesn't mind if you fart or belch.
53. BEER never changes its mind.
54. BEER doesn't tease you or play hard to get.
55. BEER never asks you to change the station.
56. BEER doesn't make you go shopping.
57. BEER doesn't tell you to mow the grass.
58. BEER doesn't mind seeing Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson flicks.
59. BEER is always easy to pick up.
60. Big, fat BEERs are nice to have.
61. BEER doesn't pout or play games.
62. BEER NEVER says no.
63. BEER is easy to get into.
64. BEER never complains when you take it somewhere.
65. BEER doesn't need to go to the 'powder room' with other BEERs.
66. BEER doesn't wear a bra.
67. BEER doesn't mind getting dirty.
68. BEER doesn't complain about insensitivity.
69. BEER doesn't use up your toilet paper.
70. BEER doesn't live with its mother.
71. BEER doesn't blow you off.
72. BEER doesn't care if you have no culture or manners.
73. BEER doesn't bitch, yell, or cry.
74. BEER doesn't mind football season.
75. A BEER won't make you go to church.
76. A BEER is more likely to know how to spell "carburetor" than a woman.
77. A BEER doesn't think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit.
78. A BEER doesn't think DOS is pronounced "dose".
79. A BEER doesn't give a fuck if you keep a bunch of other BEERs around.
80. A BEER will not insist that those odious Michelin commercials wit babies are "cute".
81. If a BEER leaks all over the room, it smells kinda good for a while.
82. A BEER will not call you a sexist pig if you say "doberman" instead of
"doberperson".
83. A BEER won't get a job as a DJ and play 5 straight hours of lesbian folk music on your favorite radio station.
84. A BEER won't claim that the Three Stooges are shitheads.
85. A BEER won't raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving the toilet seat up.
86. If you mention a "three-hundred-fifty cubic-inch V8" around a BEER, it won't think you're talking about an enormous can of vegetable juice.
87. A BEER won't whine that seatbelts hurt.
88. A BEER won't smoke in your car.
89. A BEER won't argue that there's no difference between shooting down an unidentified aircraft in a war zone and blowing a Korean airliner out of the sky.
90. A BEER will never buy a car with automatic transmission.
91. A BEER will actually *support* belching and farting and share your enthusiasm for getting them included as demonstration sports in the 1992 Olympic Games in Barcelona.
92. A BEER is always ready to leave on time.
93. A BEER never fishes for compliments.
94. Some BEERs (e.g. St. Pauli Girl) have fabulous tits.
95. BEER tastes *good*.
96. If you take a BEER outta the fridge just to look at it but then decide to drink it, the BEER won't accuse you of "date rape".
97. A BEER won't raise any objections to an evening of watching "John Holmes' Greatest Hits" on your VCR.
98. An ice-cold BEER will nonetheless let you have your way with it.
99. A BEER won't make you pick up some tampons when you go to the grocery store.
100. A BEER won't accuse you of lying when you say you read Penthouse "just for the articles". (You *are* lying, but the BEER won't accuse you of it.)
101. Fuck bosh

WWWP · 07-31-2008, 01:10 AM

Ha. It's like that saying:
"Women are like hurricanes. You never know when they're coming, how hard they'll blow, and when their gone, so is your car."

lucifer_sam · 07-31-2008, 01:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolverinewolfweiselpigeon

Ha. It's like that saying:
"Women are like hurricanes. You never know when they're coming, how hard they'll blow, and when their gone, so is your car."

Wow. You are amazingly cool.

You're a girl, right?

WWWP · 07-31-2008, 01:21 AM

Last time I checked.

bsmix · 07-31-2008, 10:00 AM

I can have sex with a beer can... ....
i mean bottle
=(

simplephysics · 07-31-2008, 10:46 AM

Beer won't smoke in your car.

pshh.

mamanuthead · 07-31-2008, 12:31 PM

They may have come up with a clever list of why beer is better than a woman but we all know that's not going to stop a guy from chasing p***y. Unless they are g*y. Then they won't.

ashtray · 07-31-2008, 01:35 PM

I saw a similar list once that was about why marijuana is better than a woman.
Some I remember.
"You don't mind being with a fattie"
"Marijuana doesn't mind being passed around"
"If it's sticky and stinky it means it's GOOD"

WWWP · 07-31-2008, 06:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ashtray

I saw a similar list once that was about why marijuana is better than a woman.
Some I remember.
"You don't mind being with a fattie"
"Marijuana doesn't mind being passed around"
"If it's sticky and stinky it means it's GOOD"

Hahahaha!

jackhammer · 08-02-2008, 03:55 AM

The International Council of Man Laws.

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.
4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.
10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
11: Only in situations of mortal and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360 End of story.
26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
27: It is not permissible to make eye contact when watching porn with your mates. Furthermore, this is only one of two circumstances under which it is allowed to have an erection with friends in the room, the other being when you are 'spit roasting' a woman.
28: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
* 'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'
* 'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!'

07-31-2008, 10:00 AM	#5 (permalink)
bsmix Music Addict Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: California Posts: 179	I can have sex with a beer can... .... i mean bottle =( __________________ a music nazi....is still a nazi

07-31-2008, 12:31 PM	#7 (permalink)
mamanuthead Music Addict Join Date: May 2008 Location: Vegas Baby! Posts: 94	They may have come up with a clever list of why beer is better than a woman but we all know that's not going to stop a guy from chasing p**y. Unless they are gy. Then they won't. __________________ A true rock star knows how to please a crowd with just one stroke of his instrument.

08-02-2008, 03:55 AM	#10 (permalink)
jackhammer Ba and Be. Join Date: May 2007 Location: This Is England Posts: 17,331	The International Council of Man Laws. 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse. (c) After wrecking your boss's car. (d) When she is using her teeth. 3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends. 4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her. 5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. 6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice. 7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. 8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. 9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend. 10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free. 11: Only in situations of mortal and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts. 12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. 14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything. 15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. 16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy. 18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. 19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response. 20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. 21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary. 22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was. 23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours. 24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue. 25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360 End of story. 26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever. 27: It is not permissible to make eye contact when watching porn with your mates. Furthermore, this is only one of two circumstances under which it is allowed to have an erection with friends in the room, the other being when you are 'spit roasting' a woman. 28: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below: * 'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?' * 'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!' __________________ It be my music and film collection. “A cynic by experience, a romantic by inclination and now a hero by necessity.”

07-31-2008, 01:35 PM	#8 (permalink)
ashtray Music Addict Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Canerrrrduuuh Posts: 134	I saw a similar list once that was about why marijuana is better than a woman. Some I remember. "You don't mind being with a fattie" "Marijuana doesn't mind being passed around" "If it's sticky and stinky it means it's GOOD"