Hey, I have an issue. I can't play the new Tech N9ne album from my Ipod when I hook it up to my Xbox. It plays all slow and stuff.

Quick solution: delete the Tech N9ne album.

That's two problems solved.

So I was pretty sure that my friend was going to commit suicide, and when he told me how he was going to do it, I forced him to check in at the hospital to get help. And now I pretty much feel like a **** person.

**** = good?

No. I feel like shit about the whole situation.

You know what, you're right. How did I not think of this?

Not being me is an unfortunate but incurable disease.

You shouldn't. Him telling you in the first place could be a cry for help. I've been in the same situation with three friends where I persuaded them to commit themselves or tell their families (which resulted in the first option) and all of them thanked me for it afterwards. They may be antagonistic towards you at the time, but in the long run you did a good thing.

Well I'm not sure how well the world would function if everyone was employed at Burger King and living with their mother, but you know, at least there'd be plenty of dick jokes.

There'd be no wars cause everyone would be too lazy to go through boot camp.