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02-21-2006, 07:19 AM | #51 (permalink) |
Hyperkinetic Rabbitything
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: In the Noodle Mines
Posts: 811
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"Oh my God, what complete and utter ****ing garbage this is. I’m not even going to bother doing a little rundown of this magazine’s features like I’ve done with the others, because this magazine is just ****ing beneath it. Imagine going into the mall, lying down in Hot Topic, and letting all the ****ing mall-punks, emo kids, retarded scenesters, and semi-goths just piss all over your face. That’s what trying to wade through AP is like. For one thing, it’s just ****ing aesthetically offensive. It looks awful, like the Geocities homepage of some adolescent angstaholic girl. The colors are sickening, the fonts are all skewed for maximum extremeness, and the layout somehow produces a sort of nauseating nervous tension. It’s riddled with errors, such as crediting Michel Gondry (they spell it “Gondy”) and Charlie Kaufman with directing and writing “Saved.” The features are all about ****ty scenesters emo-pop-punk bands who all look and sound exactly the same and should probably just be ****ing burnt for fuel before they turn any more of America’s youth into slutty little sad-sack LiveJournal cretins. I made it through all the other magazines. I made it through the ****ing death metal magazine. Not Alternative Press, though. Alternative Press is whack. It’s filled with pathetic, ugly, self-destructive desperation, like a fourteen-year-old girl with a crush on the thirty-year-old hipster who works at the record store. I’m a bastard. I’m cynical, and I expect the worst from everything. But I honestly had no idea that music magazines could be this bad." - Dr. David Thope on the music magazine Alternitive Press.
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08-24-2006, 01:19 PM | #55 (permalink) |
Hyperkinetic Rabbitything
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: In the Noodle Mines
Posts: 811
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Here are some more quotes by the great Dr. David Thorpe.
"Emo is short for “emocore,” not “emotional.” Emocore was the brand of hardcore which had lyrics about being personally pathetic instead of politically pathetic." "And for any 14-year-old girls who love Avenged Sevenfold who might be reading this: it’s not too late. You have until the age of seventeen to start liking real music, but after that you’re pretty much doomed to liking awful **** for the rest of your life, so straighten up now or you’ll eventually become a pregnant stripper, and you’d better hope against hope that Myspace is still around then so you can find a dad for your little sack of crap." "After a prolonged legal battle over who has the right to exhume Kurt Cobain’s corpse and make it dance for money, we have finally been blessed with a box set of rarities which documents Nirvana’s peerless history of ****ty outtakes. Let this be a lesson to all you aspiring musicians: don’t die after you become really famous, or your subhuman harpy of a wife will publish everything you ever deemed unworthy of release in order to feed her addiction to pills and attention." "Ever wanted to listen to a woman whine about being raped for an hour? Let me save you some money by letting you in on a little secret: lots of support groups are free! Actually, that was pretty cold, not all of Tori Amos’s songs are about being raped. Some of them are about having a miscarriage." |
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